The Awakening Center: "Inner Wisdom"

Pick Yourself Up, Dust Yourself Off, Start All Over Again

2012-02-01T21:52:00.002-06:00

"Nothing's impossible I have found, for when my chin is on the ground, I pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again" (Lyrics by: Dorothy Fields / Music by: Jerome Kern).

On the path to recovery, to a greater understanding of oneself, or even just an improved outlook – it can be tempting to beat oneself up whenever life throws a curveball and a moment or a day or a week occurs that makes you feel like you have messed it all up. It can sometimes feel like you have to press the reset button on all of your progress, and that nothing you accomplished before that difficult moment counts anymore. I know I have struggled with this concept. I felt that if my recovery or my plans for self-improvement weren’t just perfect, that I either wasn’t doing it right or I was just a failure. I was living in this black and white world where there wasn’t room for progress, only “perfection”. Then one day I was introduced to two concepts that actually made me pause and reflect on how I was approaching my life. I was told that I couldn’t push the river, it was simply going to flow as it needed to. I was also told that if I did find my “chin on the ground”, to be a gentle cop; meaning to acknowledge that perhaps I had experienced something difficult, and perhaps didn’t make the best decision in the moment, but that I didn’t have to beat myself up so badly that I couldn’t even get up again. I could love myself, understand that I’m human, and just get back up again and continue down my path. As I adopted these thought patterns and practiced them, I found that I did indeed become more gentle with myself, and over time I actually stopped perceiving myself to be on the ground so much. It just felt like life, and I was walking down my path with a greater feeling of Self-love and Self-acceptance. If you find yourself in a moment with your chin on the ground, perhaps you can practice pausing, remembering you can’t push that river of Life, and gently remind yourself that it’s OK, you’ve still accomplished so much, and you are experiencing your journey and your recovery exactly the right way for you. You don’t even have to start all over again – you simply pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep moving onward.

By Erin Stitzel

Erin Stitzel is an interning therapist at The Awakening Center. She is a Masters student at Northeastern Illinois University and will graduate and gain licensure in August of 2012. She specializes in eating disorders, depression, anxiety, trauma, and grief. She runs the Saturday Eating Disorder Recovery Drop In Support Group at TAC on Saturday mornings from 10-11:30am. For more information please call 773.929.6262 (ext.12).

Jennifer Schurman: Finding the Right Questions

2012-01-26T14:09:00.006-06:00

By Diana Hinojosa
diaqua90@hotmail.com

As a marriage and family counselor at The Awakening Center, Jennifer Schurman encourages her clients to include family members in the process of their recovery by helping them create a space for them to communicate effectively.

“It is pretty powerful when you are able to see relationships repair, and having a family that is ready and willing to change can really impact the client in therapy,” says Jennifer.

Understanding that therapy should be about meeting the client where they are, and working from there, Jennifer has witnessed how much of an impact families can have on the rehabilitation process of the clients, specifically those with an eating disorder.

Having some friends that had experienced eating disorders, Jennifer found herself gravitating towards this with much intellectual curiosity that has now translated into trying to ask the “right questions” to her clients. She believes it is about being a part of the client’s life in a way that sometimes nobody else can.

Jennifer says, “There is not much about my job that is black and white, and there is never a day that is the same, but that is exactly why I love my job.”

Some of the most difficult parts of her job is acknowledging where the parents of her clients are coming from, while trying to reinforce their intentions. Trying to be the “healthy” voice in the room isn't always easy when trying to mediate the relationship between her client and their parent. Nevertheless, Jennifer feels very privileged to be working with her clients in their process to recovery.

She says, “I think the people that walk in here really want recovery. The biggest joy is watching a client find their voice, and seeing how their life changes, rather than having an eating disorder take over their identity.”

She enjoys being a part of The Awakening Center’s team because of the support she receives from the staff, especially when she feels like she needs to bring herself back from stressful situations.

She says, “While this work can be challenging, the significance of the work we do is so powerful. Being along with these clients in their journey is such a privilege and to know I can witness this is very rewarding. At The Awakening Center we all have our talents and bring something different, but we all want the same thing for our clients. We have the heart for it.”

Breathe, Pause, Consider

2012-01-08T13:36:00.003-06:00

Breathe, Pause, Consider

Having an eating disorder is like being a passenger in a rickety old school bus which is speeding down a winding mountain road at night in a blinding thunderstorm. The bus is careening off the guardrails with each turn and picking up speed as it goes along. If this wasn’t bad enough, notice there’s no driver on the bus!

Recovering is like making your way to the front of the bus and getting in the driver’s seat. Imagine with all your senses, feel it in your body as you make your way to the front of the bus. Experience sitting in the driver’s seat. What is the very first thing you would do in this situation?

You probably would reply, “Put my foot on the brake and stop the bus!”

Yes! Once the bus is stopped, you can sit there, as long as you need, to calmly make the decisions necessary to steer the bus to safety. Then, you can start to slowly drive the bus forward again.

An important tool towards recovery is as simple as taking a breath. In the momentary pause of that one breath we can step back and notice what’s going on. Then from our Self, from the place of peace and wisdom within us, we can consider our options –rather than from an emotional knee-jerk reaction.

Early in our lives, we learned to react to situations quickly, without thinking, to protect ourselves from getting hurt or getting in trouble. When these knee jerk reactions were successful, they were reinforced and became habitual. If when we were a child every time someone was angry we quickly tried to fix whatever was wrong, we will be conditioned to fix everyone’s problems as an adult. Not that fixing problems is bad or wrong, but if deep inside a young part of us frantically feels it is her responsibility to fix everything every time anyone is angry then we carry that anxiety and burden with us constantly.

We can practice taking a breath, pausing and considering until it becomes natural to us. Imagine a recent situation that where, in hindsight, you realize now that you felt like Life was racing down the mountain without a driver and you wish you had handled it differently. Maybe something that made your Parts react like in the old days. Now, take a deep breath, filling the bottom lobe of your lungs, holding it and then letting the breath out in a sigh. Repeat a few times until you feel a Pause – like Life has momentarily slowed down. In that Pause, feel yourself step into the wisdom of your Self; ask all your Parts to step back so your Inner Wisdom can see the situation objectively. Consider any and all options. It may help to ask, “What would my best friend do in this situation? What would I suggest to my best friend if the situation happened to her?” Then imagine yourself handling the situation using these suggestions from a place of peace and wisdom within.

I would love to hear your comments about trying this new tool.

Namaste,

Amy

Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC has written a book about recovery from eating disorders. She is in the process of finding a publisher! She can be reached at (773) 929-6262 x 11 or awakeningcenter@aol.com

Linda R. Winter: Honoring Inner Wisdom

2011-12-19T20:07:00.005-06:00

By:Diana Hinojosa

Diaqua90@hotmail.com

Being mid-life and going back to school can be really intimidating for some people, but for Linda R. Winter, it was what she needed to do when she realized what she was really passionate about.

“I was always considered a good listener, which made me consider therapy,” said Linda, “But I realized it was about being part of conversations that you cannot be in other professions.”

She recalls an article in which the author stated that people in the healing professions are attempting to continue their own form of therapy. She connected wit this idea very strongly due to some of her life experiences that have also encouraged her to become the therapist she is today.

For Linda, therapy is a way of becoming “impacted”.

She said, “There is a way of being present, it is about the process of therapy that is personally satisfying.”

Linda considers it a “joy and a privilege” to be a part of people that are brave enough to take a hard look at themselves, even when they are approaching it with timidity.

“It inspires me when people are willing to ask themselves those hard questions, when I can notice how much change has taken place in a person, and how the relationship with their parts has shifted,” said Linda.

She disagrees with people that view therapy as a “math formula” because Linda believes it is more of a continuum and that the person can become free of crisis when he or she has gained a new perspective.

As she remembers numerous clients to which this has happened to, Linda acknowledges that the most rewarding experiences are when a client really opens up and they have the courage to change their lives.

“One of the universal experiences is about how related everything is. It is great to come into focus with them but then we realize that other parts of ourselves are connected and that is very satisfying,” said Linda.

More than anything, Linda seeks to create acceptance, an absence of judgment, and a setting in which “compassion can really blossom.”

“I really do believe we have the ability to heal,” said Linda, “Helping a client sort through the clutter can help them learn how to access their inner wisdom. This is the heart and soul of therapy. This makes sense in the real world.”

You have the freedom to be yourself, here and now

2011-12-18T15:49:00.002-06:00

You have the freedom to dance in your room;

Blast the music, no one is watching.

You have the freedom to sing in the shower;

Belt it out, share the words with the water.

You have the freedom to go for a walk;

Appreciate nature, breathe some fresh air.

You have the freedom to write down your thoughts;

Clear your mind on a napkin or in a journal.

You have the freedom to dream about the future;

Anything you want, the road to make them happen.

You have the freedom to smile at a stranger;

Feel it in your heart, make someone’s day brighter.

You have the freedom believe in what you like;

Maybe in the moon, maybe a higher power.

You have the freedom to learn about anything;

Check out ten books, search it on Google.

You have the freedom to cook your favorite food;

Change up the recipe, pretend there’s nothing better.

You have the freedom to look at your reflection;

Remember who you are, fall in love with yourself.

You have the freedom to unclutter your life;

Practice non-attachment, donate old clothes.

You have the freedom to love your family;

Find at least one positive trait, try each member.

You have the freedom to meditate;

Take a deep breathe, turn your focus inward.

You have the freedom to enjoy each day;

The moment you wake, through each hour

You have the freedom to be yourself;

Here and now. Everyday, forever.

By: Danielle Meyer

Danielle is the Art Therapy Intern at the Awakening Center and a student at The Adler School of Professional Psychology. She runs the Eating Disorder Drop-In Support Group on Tuesday evenings and the Art Therapy Support Group on Thursday evenings.

La belleza de Colombia

2011-12-12T09:22:00.002-06:00

(The Beauty of Colombia)

The nature, the people, the dignity, the pride, the food, the hospitality, and the spirit of Colombia are only some of the characteristics that made this trip unforgettable. I arrived to the city of Bogota hesitant of what was to come my way, yet I immediately found myself among some of the most admirable people I have ever met. My group and I spent our days there learning about the hidden realities of the marginalized communities in Colombia. We learned about their losses, their struggles, their memories, and more than anything, we were able to experience their courage to continue living happily and grateful. Never in my life have I seen so much poverty, and been in the presence of so much pain, yet at the same time, never in my life have I seen so much dignity and strong spirits. When we arrived to the poorest neighborhood of Bogota, my group was welcomed with smiles, a warm meal, and an eagerness to show us what beauty lied beneath their dirt roads, their unsustainable houses, their lack of resources, their reality. Their faith and drive to continue to be thankful for being alive and together was more than enough to maintain their happiness. I left Chicago unsure, nervous, and doubtful of whom I would meet and if I would be welcomed. On our way there, someone asked me if I had any role models, and my mind went blank. After leaving Colombia, I have many faces in mind.

By:Diana Hinojosa

Diana is the Bachelor's level intern at the Awakening Center. She assists with the drop-in ED support groups and is a senior at DePaul University with a psychology/journalism double major.

Changing The Game

2011-11-23T19:24:00.004-06:00

This is Thanksgiving week - the kick-off of the Holiday season. The Holiday season is very stressful for most of us - because it has, as Linda Winter pointed out in her blog article November 2009, the 4 F's of the Holidays: Food, Family, Frantic, and Finances. (To read her blog: http://awakeningcenter.blogspot.com/2009/11/inviting-self-in-face-of-four-fs-of.html .)

Some of you may be dreading visiting with your family over the Holidays. Nothing brings out the worst in our families than stress. I want to let you in on a fun "Game" you can play during the holidays. (Even though it is from an excerpt from my upcoming book about recovering from eating disorders, the "Game" works with all relationships - not just eating disordered families.)

I wish you Inner Peace during the holiday season!
Namaste,
Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC

Changing "The Game"

A long time ago, I invented ‘The Game’ to cope with my family while I was recovering. Every time I visited my family, I was on guard the whole time; waiting to fend off what I felt was an onslaught of ‘barbs.’ Little things everyone did or said drove me crazy, made me feel bad about myself. And you know what happened after that… I usually ended up turning to some kind of negative behavior.

Somewhere in my recovery I decided that I needed to accept the fact that I could not change or control these people. They were who they were. They were just being themselves. I needed to separate my Self and my self-esteem from their quirks. And so, ‘The Game’ was born. When I recently taught ‘The Game’ to the members of my therapy group, the women laughed hysterically as I described it to them. They got really excited to go home for Thanksgiving and try it.

‘The Game’ can be as low key or as dramatic as you want in your mind. You can imagine it like a game show on television. Listen to the announcer who says, “Our next contestant is Sally Smith from Chicago, Illinois!” Then the crowd applauds as you step onto a brightly lit stage with colorful flashing lights and cheerful upbeat music.

The object of ‘The Game’ is to accurately predict in advance what certain members of your family will do; not what you would like them to do or what you think they ‘should’ do, but what you know deep down inside that they really will do. For example, if your father always makes sarcastic comments about your weight when he drinks, your prediction may be that he will make negative comments during dinner. Or if your mother turns every conversation into something about herself, you may predict that she changes the subject when you talk about your classes.

So first, before each visit, you need to sit down and think of each person and make a list of what you think they will actually do. You don’t have to list everything they will do; that list would be too long to remember! If you predict the top one or two things for each person, that will be plenty.

Now for some fun! Pick a prize that you will win for each correct prediction. You can pick something funny such as a trip around the world, (all expenses paid, of course!) a refrigerator freezer and a years supply of pantyhose. Or you may choose something real: a novel you’ve wanted to read, a bubble bath, a new pair of earrings. One client won cash for each prediction, which she saved for a massage when she got home.

Now for the hard part: when you are in the midst of the family visit. Before you go in the door, you need to remind yourself of ‘The Game’ – picture the stage, the lights, the audience waiting in anticipation; hear the voice of the announcer. Go over your list of predictions and think of the prizes waiting for you. As ‘The Game’ begins, you await with excitement for your predictions to happen.

When you go into the situation, it’s like you are taking the studio audience with you, as you step back and watch it on the video screens on the stage while it’s happening. (Remember, stepping back and seeing something Objectively is from the Wise One Within. Really, we are practicing being in Self-energy.)

When your father makes a sarcastic comment at dinner, you hear the audience burst into applause, bells ring and confetti falls from the ceiling. You scored a point in “Round one!” Instead of dreading your dad’s attitude, you can think, “Yes! I won a bubble bath! Isn’t that wonderful!” When your mom hijacks the conversation and begins to talk about herself, rather than being on edge and grinding your teeth, you can count up your prizes.

If you want to make ‘The Game’ a bit more challenging, you can predict when or where these things will happen. “My father will make a negative remark within five minutes after dinner starts.” “My mother will start to dominate the conversation while sitting in the green chair in the family room.”

Now, no fair cheating! Offering your father a drink or asking your mom a question about herself is not fair! If you do, you hear a gong as you are disqualified! You will not go on to the bonus round! Not only would you lose your refrigerator freezer full of pantyhose, but you also get voted off the island!

Every once in a while a client will come back from a holiday and report, “I didn’t get any of my prizes! My brother and I actually got along fairly well!” Well, that’s a big prize in and of itself!

Sometimes when I talk about ‘The Game,’ clients think I’m making fun of them, “Why would I look forward to my mother’s incessant talk about herself?” “Why should I put up with my father’s attitude?”

Sure, you could try, yet again, to stop your father from making sarcastic comments about your weight by saying, “Dad, if you say anything about my weight, I’m going to be so mad at you!” But if you’ve repeatedly tried and it didn’t work, you already know what his response will be.

When Gina first tried to speak up, her mother said, “I don’t know what you are talking about. I don’t say things like that! Fine! I can’t say anything around you. You are just too sensitive.” Her mother stormed off and wouldn’t speak to anyone for the rest of the day. That just started a brand new Polka!

I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if we’ve already tried to speak up and they won’t stop, then all we can do is find “the Serenity to accept the people we cannot change.” Deep down inside, you know they are going to do it anyway. So we can change how we feel about it rather than let it in and hurt us.

We need to realize that we can’t control other people from reacting from their extreme Parts. We can step back and separate our selves and protect our young vulnerable Parts from their quirks. Eventually you will be able to take these quirks for granted as part of them, not as a reflection of your worth as a person. You will realize that your Mom is going to say Mom things, do Mom things, feel Mom things… she’s just going to be Mom. When we step back, get into Self-energy, we can sit back and watch them as if they are on a stage, acting it out for you. We can separate our Self from their dysfunction.

By separating from their quirks, you are giving their quirks back to them and not blaming yourself. Their quirks are not your fault, they are not your problem to solve or control, just as their height or their hair color is not your fault or your problem.

The by-product of playing ‘The Game’ is that you accept them as the people they really are, not spend wasted energy blaming them for who they aren’t and never will be. You also let go of your own guilt that it somehow is your fault, or that you are to blame.

As their quirks lose their ‘barbs,’ you may find your visits become more enjoyable. My parents and I have the best relationship now than we ever had. I do not take their quirks personally. Some quirks I actually find humorous and amusing now. And because I have stopped reacting as I did in the past, (as I changed my dance steps and therefore the dance) they don’t do their quirks as often and some have even been eliminated. Thus, by changing my own attitude towards their quirks, I accomplished what I wanted all along: a pleasant and meaningful relationship with my parents.

Remember in the last chapter, I said we right-brainers have a hard time planning ahead. So when we go home for a holiday, sometimes we walk in unprepared, unconsciously thinking, “This year will be different.” But ‘The Game’ makes you sit down and think what they actually are going to be like. Then you can prepare in advance for how it will be, “Ok, they can do the dysfunctional polka forever but I don’t have to dance with them.” When Gina played ‘The Game’ with her critical mother she remarked, “There was a feeling of safety because I knew what to expect. I felt removed from her criticism. I had another alternative; I didn’t get sucked in like I used to.”

Sometimes it can help if you let someone else in on ‘The Game.’ If your brother knows about your predictions, you can wink at him from across the room every time you win a prize. He can then pantomime the audience cheering! In fact, you can even encourage him to make his own predictions and prizes. You can turn ‘The Game’ into a friendly competition to see who wins the most prizes.

A Bulimic client, Steffi took ‘The Game’ to a whole new level. Steffi’s father was a mean and judgmental man who criticized everything. No matter what Steffi tried, her father would not, could not change. Steffi’s sister, Caitlin was especially sensitive to her father’s negative remarks and often ended up in tears. Steffi would jump in, yell at Dad, to defend Caitlin. Mom would intervene, trying to make peace but making Dad madder, and now the whole family would be in an uproar. And you know how Steffi coped with these negative encounters; by bingeing and purging later in the day.

Steffi’s family always drove to Florida to be with her father’s family over the holidays. In her session, Steffi told me how she and her sister dreaded the two days in the car with Dad driving there and back. To help her cope with the situation, I taught Steffi ‘The Game.’ But rather than keeping it to herself, she told her sister and her mother – and they all picked tacky souvenirs as prizes. Everyone knew about it except Dad.

This year they all got in the car anticipating ‘The Game.’ The family got to about Joliet when Dad started to pick on Caitlin. Rather than getting upset and crying, Caitlin turned to Steffi and said, “I got a prize!” Steffi said, “Really what did you get?” Caitlin said, “I got a snow-globe!” Mom replied, “Good for you!”

Dad was puzzled and in a nasty voice said, “Snow-globe!? What are you talking about?”

Farther on the trip Dad started up again, and Caitlin said to Steffi, “You won a prize! What did you get?” “I got a sea shell ashtray!” Dad was completely bewildered, “What the h*ll is going on! What are you talking about?”

By the time they got to Florida, Steffi, Caitlin and her mother were laughing, joking and having a great time. Dad was amazingly quiet.

When they got to Florida they stayed with Dad’s sister, Marge. One evening after dinner, Marge was nasty to Dad. Dad turned to Steffi and asked, “Did I just get a prize?” And Steffi said, “Yes Dad. You got a prize.” He figured it out. The trip back to Chicago was different. Dad was actually halfway pleasant.

Afterward, Steffi, her sister and mother often reminded each other of ‘The Game’ whenever Dad made nasty remarks. Even though Dad showed that he was capable of change, he often slipped back into his old ways. He wasn’t motivated to do the inner work necessary to make any long-term changes with his Parts. By playing ‘The Game’ Steffi’s family stopped dancing the Dysfunctional Polka with Dad that changed the dynamics in the whole family. While it wasn’t exactly what she wanted – a Dad who was warm and caring – Steffi felt better about the change.

Creating the Healing Path: Mari M. Schnitzius-Richko

2011-11-22T08:28:00.004-06:00

Creating the Healing Path: Mari M. Schnitzius-Richko

By: Diana Hinojosa

Diaqua90@hotmail.com

“I needed to find a better way,” said Mari M. Schnitzius-Richko, when she realized the Western atmosphere in her clinical environment was leaving her unhappy. The year was 1986, and Mari felt trapped in a “revolving-door system” in which people were not healing.

As a dance therapist during this time, Mari was not feeling well and attended to a woman that introduced her to a different approach of the healing process. Having grown up in a scholarly environment, Mari struggled with the curiosity of this new un-scientific approach, yet she realized she had been slowly feeling better and improving with this peculiar method.

She said, “I was interested, but the other part of me was very strict.”

After this struggle, Mari decided to leave her job one day, and ventured into the world of the eastern psychological approach to psychotherapy.

Beginning with the study of Hakomi, a form of body centered therapy that serves as a therapeutic expression for mindfulness, unity, mind, body, spirit holism, non-violence,and organicity, Mari began to appreciate the Chinese practices of therapy.

With this knowledge, she began her own business with 100 dollars. Her business lasted about eight years, until Mari decided to get her masters at the age of 39. She now specializes in Jin Shin Do Acupressure, Zen Shiatsu, the Internal Family Systems Therapy model, and traditional counseling at The Awakening Center.

As a member of The Awakening Center, Mari feels supported by her co-workers and enjoys being a part of a team with a personal protocol. She became a member while working with the IFS model, through which she met the director of the Awakening Center, Amy Grabowski.

She says, “I needed to finish the clinical route to create the healing path for people. Everything that I was doing would ultimately work together.”

Mari’s experience in the field has become a success because of the tools she has acquired to provide for her clients. She feels that her role as a therapist is to be a “facilitator of achievement.” Her most valued experiences as a body-centered psychotherapist are those moments she can provide the clients with a space to grow, and to join them in their grief, while being a witness to their pain.

She says, “I feel very humble and grateful to do the things I can do.”

In addition to the services mentioned above, Mari co-leads "Yoga Talk" a yoga therapy group on Monday evenings. For more information contact Mari at (773) 929-6262 x15.

Give Gratitude and Gain Happiness.

2011-11-03T15:50:00.003-05:00

November - a month of seasonal change when the leaves turn their brilliant reds and oranges, the colder winds pick up, and the sun-filled days begin to shrink. It also ushers in Thanksgiving, a time when many people pause and step away from their busy lives to spend time with friends and family. Thanksgiving is a wonderful time to experience and express gratitude.

As we know, the tradition of Thanksgiving began after the pilgrims spent their first year in America and experienced great hardship. Their first fall harvest, however, was very successful yielding plenty of corn, fruit, and vegetables. In addition they had salt-cured fish and smoked meats, enough to last them through the winter. They celebrated this with their Native American neighbors on a day proclaimed Thanksgiving by their governor. This became an annual custom, and in 1863 President Lincoln appointed a national day of Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving, then, started as a celebration of gratitude. The pilgrims were clearly grateful for the abundance they found in their crops, for finding peace with the Native Americans, and for successfully beginning to build a life on a new continent. As Thanksgiving approaches this year, I am reminded to identify what I am grateful for. I give gratitude for reconnecting with an old friend, for the chance to spend time with my family, and for the beauty the changing of the seasons brings. What are you grateful for?

From a selfless space, the expression of gratitude bestows many benefits. If you are ever feeling angry or jealous, or perhaps you are feeling a bit insecure or fearful of a situation, take a moment to find something in this experience to be grateful for. This can be difficult. Imagine that a friend has inadvertently said something that was hurtful to you, and you start to feel anger rising up within. Go ahead and feel this for a moment. Your body may tense up, perhaps your chest tightens, and you may feel a big knot in your stomach. Now think of some qualities that you love about this friend you are imagining has hurt you – perhaps you love their humor, their compassion, or their wit. Quietly express gratitude for these qualities in your friend. Feel this sense of gratitude for a moment. What happens to your body? Do you relax a bit? Does any tension start to fall away? Do you feel a greater sense of calm? If so, it is for good reason. Gratitude helps dissolve negative feelings, and helps to break down any barriers to Love. It also helps to evoke happiness.

Think of the pilgrims who experienced such hardship during their first year in America. They didn’t know if they were going to survive or not. They weren’t sure of much, let alone if their crops for sustenance would be harvested fully. There was much to be fearful of. They persevered, and along the way they must have had such hope in order to keep moving and growing in this unknown. They must have had little moments of gratitude along the way to spark feelings of calm, love and hope to push them forward.

Perhaps this Thanksgiving, when coming together with loved ones, you can express gratitude and notice its power. Notice if any negativity dissipates, and if you experience a deeper sense of calm. Notice if this deeper sense of calm offers you more connection with others. See if this sense of calm, openness, and connection brings you a feeling of peace and happiness. Then you can take this practice of “thanks-giving” with you, and continue to give gratitude and gain happiness.

By Erin S.

Emotions

2011-11-02T22:55:00.002-05:00

People have emotions. Men, women, and people of all races experience a wide array of emotions on a spectrum that ranges from bad to good. Sometimes we hit the rock bottom extreme of “bad”. Sometimes we can fly so high that it seems nothing could bring us down from the utmost extreme of “good”. Normally we are somewhere in the middle of the continuum, fluctuating between good and bad. Sometimes we trickle over into one extreme that is beyond the range of normal, but we usually find our way back to an area of acceptable balance.

Many times we need to withhold our emotions; specifically, the “bad” or unhappy ones. Whether we do this because of the way we were raised, how society teaches us, or a job, we can suppress painful feelings. This can certainly create problems.

Many times I hear people that are clearly upset about something say things such as, “it doesn’t matter”, “I’m apathetic”, or “I don’t care, just forget about it”. While this may serve as a way of protecting one’s dignity or sensitivity, I do believe that severe consequences can follow. By not allowing ourselves to feel intense or bad emotions, we are unable to grow stronger and learn how to properly deal with what life hands us. The sadness, anger, frustration, etc. swirl about in our inner worlds and pervade our experiences and interactions with others. This reminds me of a common situation: when a person who is very upset about something walks into a room full of happy people, everyone can feel it and it dampers the light atmosphere.

The emotions that we don’t allow ourselves to feel will end up beckoning for attention. More than often this can end up in using behaviors as tools to numb ourselves, like shopping for things we don’t need, drinking too much alcohol, using drugs, having promiscuous relationships, or anything else that fills the “void” so that the emotions don’t have a chance to. Sometimes we blame other people or our environment for the things we feel, which are legitimate causes. However, if we do not accept responsibility for our own reactions and deny our feeling, we can rebel against things outside of ourselves. For example, lets say someone’s boss upset them at work, but the person pretended like nothing was the matter. That person starts to rebel by showing up intentionally late, not returning phone calls, or only half-listening when they converse with their boss. Lastly, we use things to distract us from feeling, like watching TV, nail-biting, or eating because we don’t want to pay attention to what is going on inside of us.

To stop the any sort of destructive cycles from forming, we need to allow ourselves to feel. We need to allow ourselves to sit, however painfully, in the negative or intense emotion as soon as possible. Our rebellious, distracting, and numbing parts can be behaviors that we use to stifle our emotions for days, weeks, months, or even years. It can create vicious cycles of destructive behaviors, causing much damage in the long run. Therefore, by allowing ourselves to feel something bad for a couple minutes, hours, or days, we use our most instinctive, natural, and healthy way to cope.

By Danielle Meyer

Take it to the Trees

2011-10-28T18:47:00.004-05:00

This time of year for me always brings with it feelings of nostalgia. I’ve felt it for years and could never quite put a finger on why. Recently however, I made a trip back to the city where I went to college. I took a walk down an old familiar path through the woods near campus. It had that crisp feeling of fall and the colors of the trees were spectacular. That was when I realized, it was the trees. I grew up in the country and have spent a great deal of my life outdoors. As far back as I can remember I have always felt a connection to the trees. It might sound strange to some, especially to those most familiar with the city, but I have never felt as at home as I do in the woods. I began to think about the seasons and the cycle of the trees from budding and growing in the spring, lush and green during the summer months to brilliant colors and slowly falling leaves in the fall, and dormant but silhouetted figures in the winter. It’s a beautiful and intriguing cycle and I think the way my senses interpret these events triggers certain memories or emotions. Am I alone in this? Envision trees in the spring, barely budding, peeking green, almost melting in sun and breathing back to life. What does that bring up for you? The smell of the thawing earth, the birds beginning to flutter from branch to branch in spring feels different to me than the fall. During the fall it’s the sound of leaves crunching beneath your feet and the trees almost visibly sigh as the let go of their leaves and succumb to the winter. Their branches become bare but instead of appearing naked and afraid they begin to look stoic, almost wise in knowing that this is all part of the cycle. Even rain sounds and feels different falling on the trees in the spring and the fall. It reminds me of the story “The Fall of Freddie the Leaf” by Leo Buscalgia which I would recommend to anyone looking for a short story that offers a lot of insight and meaning. As you may have already picked up on, I have spent a lot of time in the company of the trees. For me it has priceless therapeutic value. The idea of “taking it to the trees” has been a sort of theme throughout my life. I think it is important for everyone to have a place they can go to feel connected to something outside of human existence, something that often feels much bigger than ourselves.

Take it to the Trees – By Kaitlyn Gitter

Out in the woods

Just me and the trees

With the lungs of the Earth

I can finally breathe

The wind blows by

Tousles their leaves

They’re waving hello

Welcoming me

I envy their roots

Their stability

I long for their strength

Their community

But when I’m down

Or need to be alone

I know they will always

Share with me their home

When my soul is feeling restless

And needs to be free

I know I can always

Count on the trees

When I’m looking for a piece of me

Or just a slice of serenity

I know a place where I can breathe

I take my secrets to the trees

I can feel the souls of trees

And trees can heal the soul of me

There I can feel safe

And calm

And free.

Kaitlyn is a student at the Adler School of Professional Psychology. She is currently a counseling intern at the Awakening Center and co-leads the Eating Disorders Anonymous group on Wednesday evenings from 7:45-9pm. Call (773)929-6262 ext 12 for more details.

“Both/And” Thinking About My Father

2011-10-14T14:56:00.002-05:00

The concept of “both/and” thinking has become more known and popular recently. It is the opposite of “either/or” thinking, a concept with which we might be more familiar. The latter is also known as “black-and-white” thinking or “all-or-nothing” thinking. Some examples of this “either/or” thinking are -- “If my grade is not an A (or my raise is not the biggest), then I am a failure.” “If I am not skinny, then I am fat.” The hidden message in many of these kinds of statements is “If I am not perfect, then I am nothing.” Or, “If I am not perfect, then I am not worthy of love/ respect/ kindness.”

An alternative to the limiting and simplistic “either/or” way of thinking about ourselves and the world is to think dialectically, or “both/and” thinking. “Both/and” thinking allows us to embrace things that are seemly opposite. A few simple examples are “I hate my job and I am glad to be employed.” “I love my family and I can’t wait until they leave.” “I can be independent, and still sometimes need help.” Dialectical thinking describes the experience of seeing the tension in two seemly opposite positions or views, and from this tension a balance is created. Thinking dialectically also invites us to see an issue or position from many sides. It allows us to understand that a problem can have many solutions. It invites us to acknowledge diverse experiences and opinions without the need to marginalize or invalidate an experience that is different than ours.

As a young adult, I did a lot of work around my relationship with my father. My childhood and teen experience of our relationship was that it was a big series of let downs. He was not the father I thought he should be. He was not the father I thought I deserved. For a while I railed against him and made him into a big ogre. But then it got confusing, because it didn’t take me long to see that he really wasn’t a big, bad monster. In fact, I had to admit he had many warm, generous, positive traits. For a time I was stuck. How could this be? How could he be so constrained in this way and that way, and yet be so generous and fun loving in other ways? He is either one way or another, right? He can’t be both?

Before I ever knew the term dialectical thinking, I had engaged in it. It seemed a mystery to me at the time, but my father was both. He was both someone I could admire and someone who disappointed me – at the same time. I made my peace with the paradox. I made my peace with my father. He is a different kind of father than I wanted when I was younger, and now he does a great job of being the kind of father he is! For many years now, I’ve enjoyed our relationship. Our time together is very special. I am grateful for my dialectical, “both/and,” learning.

Dialectical thinking is a defining tenant of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, “DBT.” While the DBT model offers a series of behavioral skills to help people better regulate their difficult and intense emotions, the skill of thinking dialectically is a powerful one just by itself.

With Heart Felt Regards,

Linda

Linda R Winter, JD, MA, LCPC facilitates Adult and Teen DBT Skills Training Groups at The Awakening Center, as well as working individually with clients wishing to learn DBT skills. She may be contacted at 773-929-6262 X22 or lindawintertherapist@gmail.com

Battle Cry

2011-09-29T12:38:00.001-05:00

The following narrative describes my relationship with and struggles in ways of relating to my own body, depicting an ongoing journey of reexamination and constant redefinition.

From the moment I wake up until the time I go to bed,

I can’t get my all-consuming thoughts about you out of my head.

Everywhere I look and everything I see,

Reminders of how and who I am supposed to be.

I wage a war with you everyday,

Battling exactly what price I am willing to pay.

My relationship with you has always been rocky,

I am not sure that I have ever loved you, my own body.

Trapped like a prisoner in my own mind,

An escape from this body, is that what I am trying to find?

Catching myself constantly counting and comparing,

To free you from these constraints just seems so daring.

Accepting you and your flaws seems almost impossible to do,

Wouldn’t that require me loving all of you?

Your imperfections have for so long represented failure and shame,

But maybe its time I begin to shift the blame.

I have mistreated you for so long,

Betraying your beauty and viewing you all wrong.

I am angry that I have lost touch with you,

Allowing the shoulds to always somehow get through.

Not allowed for one minute to forget how I am supposed to look,

These impossible standards will soon be shook.

I will no longer allow myself to shrink and take up less space,

But rejoice in being a woman and begin to give up on this endless chase.

No, you are not what should have to change,

From the oppression of the larger social structure you must estrange.

I am choosing to stand up and give you a voice,

My participation in this system is after all a choice.

I want to thank you for your endurance and unconditional love,

These constraints we are now slowly being made free of.

We have a long road ahead of us, You and I,

The possibilities are endless, this poem our battle cry.

Jaclyn Jarvis, M.A.

Jaclyn Jarvis is a third year doctoral student at The Chicago School of Professional Psychology. She is an intern therapist at The Awakening Center. She specializes in eating disorders, depression, anxiety, and health psychology. Jaclyn co-leads the Eating Disorder Recovery Drop In Support Group at TAC on Tuesday evenings from 6:30-8:00 p.m. For more i

Happiness in the 50's, Happiness Today.

2011-09-29T12:35:00.000-05:00

These past few years I have become fascinated by the lives that women lived in the middle of the 1900's. Aside from admiring the fashion trends of this era, I have become particularly interested in the mindset and perspectives women had at the time about their life goals and their definition of true happiness. I recently stumbled upon a 1950's Pepsi commercial, in which a little girl grows up to get married to the man of her dreams and lives happily ever after. Of course, I don't see anything wrong with this picture, yet I struggle with the idea that this girl's happiness depends on her success in marriage, which of course requires her to maintain a particular appearance. As described in the commercial, more than once, in order to keep her beautiful, "slim" image, she goes on walks. In order to keep up with her beauty and remain "slim", she plays sports, which in this case means she fights other women for a purse on sale. While to some this may seem comical, I could not help to feel offended by the implications of this commercial. Nevertheless, it got me thinking: How much has really changed over the years for women? Body image issues for women are prevalent, and with commercials such as this one it is no wonder why this has been a problem in our society for decades.

Of course, now we have more rights than ever before and are slowly being integrated into leadership positions in this country. But aside from career advancements/constitutional rights, what has changed about our ultimate goals? The makers of this Pepsi commercial simply integrated society's viewpoint of the time that women needed to be successful housewives in order to happy. While that may not necessarily be the case anymore, what does society consider a woman needs to be happy now a day? What I struggle with is that we claim to have improved in many ways from the past, yet women with too much power are seen as scary and not attributed the same respect that men are given. My best guess is that men are still trying to achieve power and status, as they always have,but for women: what defines our happiness in 2011?

By Diana Hinojosa,

Diana is the Bachelor's level intern at the Awakening Center. She assists with the EDA groups and is a senior at DePaul University with a psychology/journalism double major.

2011-09-22T19:02:00.004-05:00

I am a garden, not a landfill.

2011-09-18T20:58:00.002-05:00

A few years ago, I found myself getting slowly pulled into a world filled with what I like to call “Junk food Journalism”. I was continually turning to media sources that were laced, if not fully entrenched, in sensationalism. Readers were attracted through shocking and catchy titles, and then led on a journey through bias, gossip, and creative license. I categorized it as entertainment. I thought, “What possible harm will this cause? I simply enjoy the frivolous and vacuous stories”. It felt like a temporary escape.

However, over time I noticed that I was spending less of my free time on things substantive, and was more frequently turning to these “news” sources. Strangely, I also slowly began to feel a disconnect to things I once found important in my life. I even felt a little empty inside.

One day as I was walking my dog through our neighborhood, I noticed several beautiful spring gardens that were beginning to fully blossom. The thought just popped into my head that, “I am a garden, not a landfill”. It became very powerful to me that I had a choice to either dump loads of shallow and empty thoughts into my head, or I could carefully select and plant thoughts and information that would grow and blossom into something beautiful and meaningful. The latter thought was instantly more appealing.

Since this transformative moment I have found great pleasure in planting this garden in my mind. Over time it has expanded from thoughts and information into choices and actions. When given an option of a news source, or a leisure activity, or even a plate of food I now quietly say to myself, “I am a garden, not a landfill”. More often than not I find myself planting something that will have the opportunity to grow into greater joy, peace, and wellness.

Existentialist’s Perspective: Finding the Self through Astrology on the Internet

2011-09-15T19:06:00.002-05:00

One of the basic premises of existentialist philosophy is that we are the creators of our own destinies. We are not victims of circumstance; rather we are to a large extent that which we choose to be. We continually make decisions that shape and re-create ourselves. We are in a constant state of evolving, emerging, becoming, and discovering. As human beings, we possess the capacity to reflect and make choices because we have self-awareness.

It is commonly held belief that it is necessary to build an anchor in self-understanding in order to make healthy choices; choices that contribute to expanding consciousness and positively influence the environment around us. Without this anchor we can get lost in others’ preconceived notions and definitions of who we are. If we are passive, we may let them convince us. Rather than opt for the security of dependence, it is important to face the anxiety of choosing for one’s self.

The vast sea of information on the internet is the devil’s playground for this concept of existential freedom. The anxiety one may experience in the real world is assuaged on the internet with the anonymity that is available. The power to make personal decisions is at one’s fingertips. It is a digital world to explore, to entertain, to learn, to communicate, and to learn about one’s Self.

The quest for self-definition by using the Internet as a tool started at a young age for me. One very useful and entertaining sources of self-knowledge are astrological personality profiles. If the creators of Google tracked my search history since 1997, they would have no doubt in their minds that I am a Pisces. At first I was quite skeptical about identifying with this label. However, I am not afraid to identify with it for the purposes of understanding the differences between myself and other people. I oddly, yet heartily identify with a vast amount of qualities pertaining to this astrological sign.

There are many beliefs and arguments in regards to astrological personality types. For those that are occult, it is a way of understanding how humans are connected to the universe. We can learn about something bigger than ourselves, like the patterns and relativity of the universe or the influence of the planets on personalities. For the skeptics, Astrology can make an excellent topic for debate, especially among those who deem themselves to be more logically-based. For the light at heart, it is a fun party trick to break the ice.

Because it is human nature to categorize and clump our experiences and perceptions into groups, astrology is a fun way to understand who we are and look at why people are different. We can choose to identify with our signs or not. We can connect with other people through understanding similarities and differences. Any function of looking into the personality profiles of each sign can help us to question who we are, define or redefine ourselves, and question our destiny.

Ultimately, we are the masters of own destinies (which is why I read yesterday’s horoscope), but learning about and strengthening the self is a vital factor in making the right decisions. It absolutely okay to not identify with astrology, but we cannot deny the evolution of human consciousness. Anchoring and strengthening the Self fosters healthy choices which can help us grow in a positive, fulfilling direction.

Some links that I’ve come back to over the years:

http://astro.cafeastrology.com/cgi-bin/astro/natal

http://zodiac-signs-astrology.com/

http://www.zodiacsignsastrology.us/

http://www.astrology-of-personality.com/index.html

Danielle Meyer

Danielle is a student at the Adler School of Professional Psychology. She is the Art Therapy intern at the Awakening Center who runs the Body Image Group on Tuesdays and the Art Therapy Group on Thursdays. For more info about these groups, call Danielle at (773) 929-6262 x 12.

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark

2011-09-15T18:46:00.003-05:00

Remember childhood? Do you remember camping in the dark or making forts and turning off the lights. Reading under the covers by flashlight? Did you have a secret cubby or hiding place that was safe for you? Ever notice how the pirates bury treasure, sometimes in a cave – sometimes a dark cave. As adults, we sometimes lose touch with those hidden places which have such treasures of self knowledge. We learn to bury the treasure and leave it buried.

Whether it is the fall season around the corner or just something that you’re wanting to investigate, those dark cubbies of the psyche hold treasures. Most of our daily activities are lived in unconsciousness. For me, one of the most wonderful things about having a life is about engaging in the present moment. I don’t stay in the present moment all the time. This is mostly healthy and allows us to get through the day – unless we have the job of say, the Dalai Lama. But there are times, even seasons built into our lives to allow us an opportunity to get in touch with the dark or unconscious. They hold all sorts of information. In our society, we try so hard to keep it together, to keep the dark from seeping out. But the seeping out…is pure genius, especially if it is done consciously.

When I’m working with my clients, I invite them (and myself) to listen to what the dark is trying to say. What is that message just below the surface? If you crawl under that blanket, crawl into the cubby and sit with the surroundings and flash just a little bit of a flashlight beam on the story book , what do you learn? Does it whisper to you? I often ask, what are you NOT supposed to see, know, hear, etc.? Maybe you prefer to go into meditation to let the below-the-surface information come up for you. I like to journal about it and let the resistance melt away with each written line. Some people stretch to release the unconscious messages told by the body. Others will draw or doodle to let the unconscious thoughts seep through. At the Awakening Center, we treat eating disorders and more. I often ask my clients to go below the surface of the craving, of the binge, of the restricting – to sit with those dark moments. In that space, there is a treasure trove of information.

A long time ago I read a quote from Bono of U2. He said for so long they ran away from the big rock star image. They thought it would make them into sell-outs. Finally, the popularity surrounded them and they simply had to embrace their greatest fear, the over-the-top rock star persona. And they were genius at it. And the quote went something like, “so we gave the rock star image a big smooch”.

I recently had an experience where my greatest fear became reality. That dark place showed up. I went into it like a cubby. In a way, I had no choice. Everything I’d done to keep it below the surface, all those lovingly proactive steps blew up. There is something raw and truthful about being with the dark. It allows us to be in present time. The opposite is true when we avoid the dark. For me, I found gratitude. For me, I found places in which I could bring in more self love.

SO, as the weather cools off and hibernation urges begin, consider using this time to get more in touch with those hidden messages. Don’t be afraid of the dark.

By Erin Diedling

Erin Diedling, MEd, LPC is a counselor at The Awakening Center. She can be reached at (773) 929-6262 x 19.

Embracing a Season of Waiting

2011-09-08T18:52:00.008-05:00

“Dreams come true; without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them.” John Updike

Often when I’m working with clients we discuss how to cope and process the emotions connected to a season of waiting. We talk about job changes, moving to a new city, finding a significant other, having a child and so on. There are things that each of us have a true desire for that frequently don’t come in the time or the way that we expected or imagined. We can end up feeling impatient, frustrated, angry or just hopeless. The importance of discussing the many feelings of this waiting time is so important. Obviously there are things that we are meant to know by the many emotions that we may feel in response to waiting for these things we are longing for. If we can be courageous enough to allow the anxiety, worry, or fear to have a voice it may amaze us what these feelings have to say. In allowing ourselves to know what these feelings are saying it gives us the chance to get our needs met while we keep working towards what we have imagined our life to look like. In order to feel the peace we crave we need to actually begin to feel what is there. In getting distance from our emotions and not being taken over by them we can get back to today. We can find the purpose and experiences that we were meant to encounter now. We can get back to the present while holding firmly to the hope for what we yearn for in our futures. We can experience what is intended for us today and perhaps what may be preparing us for the dreams of tomorrow. Now admittedly all of this is much simpler to write and to discuss than to practice. It requires a consciousness of redirecting our attention to what we do have a say in while remaining hopeful and encouraged. Often these seasons of waiting are made more bearable if we invite others along the journey with us. Sharing the struggles and feelings with significant people in our life allows them to be there to support and encourage us. They offer support also by simply listening as this brings us out of the isolation and silent suffering that can accompany these times. Seasons of waiting are challenging. They can test our patience, faith and the hope of realizing what we expected for our lives. They can also be our richest blessings as we reaffirm our strength, aspirations and the support we have as we journey on. My hope for you is that if you are in a season of waiting you will allow others to support you, give yourself permission to experience your emotions and hold firm to all that you hope for while experiencing what is intended for you today.

Peacefully,
Jennifer Schurman,

Jennifer Schurman MA, LCPC sees clients for individual therapy at The Awakening Center. She is a marriage and family therapist who also sees couples and families. She runs the Women's Eating Disorder Therapy Group on Monday evenings. For more information call, (773) 929-6262 x20.

The Importance of Inquiry

2011-08-29T10:36:00.003-05:00

I have recently finished Geneen Roth’s book Women, Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything and it has definitely gotten my wheels turning. I particularly enjoyed her discussion of what it feels like to truly inquire about what you’re feeling- and the process of relating to your feelings, instead of from them.

Roth writes:

“Inquiry is body based; it is not a mental process. You sense what it feels like to be inside your skin, your arms, your legs. You notice the sensation and you notice the location of the sensation. Sensation, location, sensation, location. If, for instance, you are feeling sad, you ask yourself where that feeling is located in your body. You notice a gray heap of ashes in your chest, and up pops the belief that ‘love exists for other people but not for me.’ You become curious about that belief. How old were you when you first learned that? And what were your feelings at the time that never got noticed or felt or understood?

It’s good to ask some questions that allow you to focus on the sensations themselves. You can ask yourself if the feeling has a shape, a temperature, a color. You can ask yourself how it affects you to feel this. And since no feeling is static, you keep noticing the changes that occur in your body as you ask yourself these questions” (Roth, 104-105).

With the stress of everyday life: work, school, family, it is so easy to become detached from the body. We become ‘talking heads’ only thinking instead of really feeling. The exercise of reconnecting with the body and seeing what a particular part of it feels like in a stressful, sad, exciting, or joyful situation can be very eye opening. This allows for an exploration of the body that doesn’t involve food or weight, or self-criticism, simply curiosity. Curiosity that can lead to real self discovery. It also allows for small increments of success. For some, the task of focusing inward on body sensation for five minutes a day may be enough at the beginning, for others it may mean an hour long meditation on each area of the body and the feelings that may be harbored there.

I really love the steps involved the process Roth describes above. Starting with curiosity eliminates judgment; the act of exploration eliminates the ‘talking head’; and the experience of the feeling in the body allows for a refreshing openness and understanding to wash over your heart.

Women, Food and God is a wonderful book full of wisdom and I would definitely recommend it. But, if you don’t have the book, try inquiring about your body and your soul and see what it feels like to reconnect with yourself and the world around you.

Peacefully,

Claire Jolly

Claire Jolly was a summer intern at The Awakening Center. She is a student at Centre College in Ohio.

"Am I Weird?"

2011-08-10T16:45:00.006-05:00

Last Sunday, one of my favorite movies was aired on television. I looked forward all week to watch it. The movie was Stand By Me based on a book by Steven King. Set in 1959, in the summer before they start jr h.s., it is a story about four boys who walk along a railroad track for many miles to see a dead body. Teddy and Vern are goofy and immature. The main character, Gordie just lost his beloved older brother - at his brother's funeral his father laments, "It should have been you instead." Gordie's best friend Chris comes from a very troubled family and can't get a break simply because of his family's reputation.

Why do I love this movie? There are so many scenes in this movie I love, some funny, some sad, some poignant - but the main part I love boils down to four simple lines of dialog. As they walk down the railroad tracks, Gordie and Chris are talking; Gordie turns to Chris and asks, "Do you think I'm weird?"

Chris quickly replies, "Definitely."

Gordie asks again, "No man, seriously. Am I weird?"
Okay, think about it. If you asked your best friend this question, what answer would you want to hear?

If your friend said, "No" would you believe them? Of course not! They are trying to spare your feelings.

Would you rather hear, "Yes?" Of course not! That would just affirm your deepest fear that you are weird and everyone knows it and judges you for it.

So what did Chris reply - he came up with the perfect answer, the answer I would want to hear if I asked a friend, "Am I weird?"

Chris replies, "Yeah, but so what? Everybody's weird."

Why is that the perfect answer? Because it's the truth! We are all weird! But so what! We all have something that is weird about us!

Maybe when we are not so afraid of being judged as weird, we can embrace our weirdness. We may even be able to celbrate what makes us uniquely weird! How weird is that!!!

It's a good movie - I'll bet you can rent it from the library. I'm sure you would enjoy it too.

Peace,

Amy

Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC is the founder and director of The Awakening Center. She will be leading a workshop "Catching the Uh Oh's: Stopping a Binge Before it Starts" on Sunday Sept 18th. For more info call (773) 929-6262 x11 or email awakeningcenter@aol.com

Keeping the "Shoulds" in Check

2011-07-11T12:11:00.003-05:00

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it” – Ferris Bueller

I watched this movie recently and it reminded me of several simple pearls of wisdom. We all have a tendency to become too concerned with the “shoulds” in our lives. I should apply for the job. I should connect with old friends. I should get more sleep. I should drink more water. I should be more... I shouldn’t have... the list goes on. We receive a constant feed of friendly suggestions from magazines, the news, and even friends and family. While these suggestions can be helpful, they can sometimes become overwhelming, making us feel we can’t do anything right. If we could just do or fix...whatever...things would become clear or better. The problem with “shoulds” is they get in the way of what we’re doing now and can keep us from living in the present. The important thing to remember is that we are in control of our lives and decisions. Allowing the “shoulds” to interfere with our goals doesn’t encourage us forward and can keep us from really living and deciding what we think is important.

When the “shoulds” start to creep in, take a minute and do a self-check. Is this “should” a manifestation of an outside influence? Is it scary or intimidating? How does your body react when you focus on it? Doing a self-check allows us to focus on one issue at a time, keeping the thoughts from snowballing, and can get us in touch with our true feelings. Is the “should” really important or is it just getting in the way of what we’re doing now?

As Ferris so wisely noted, if we don’t slow down and think about what’s really important, in the present moment, all of those “shoulds” will continue to creep in and cloud what’s really important.

Claire Jolly is an intern at The Awakening Center. She is a student at Centre College and leads the Eating Disorder Drop-In Support Group on Tuesday evenings.

Listen To Your Body

2011-06-06T10:27:00.002-05:00

“Listen To Your Body.”

Our Body is truly miraculous – there are so many things that it does without needing us to think about it at all. We don’t have to tell our heart to beat or our lungs to breathe. No, they do it automatically. Our brain constantly sends out signals to communicate with every cell of our being. Our organs know exactly what to do to keep us healthy. Each cell knows how to repair itself when necessary.

Our Body is the ultimate authority of what we need. No one but our Body knows our Body’s needs. Our Body talks to us all the time for the things it needs. Our Body sends us signals when it is hungry and needs food and when it is full and wants us to stop eating. Our Body tells us when it is thirsty and needs something to drink. It asks us for movement and for rest. It tells us when to empty our bladder or move our bowels. It tells us when we are sick and need attention.

You have to develop what I call Body Trust. Trusting the all the signals your Body sends to you, each and every time your Body sends you that signal. You already have some degree of Body Trust. How do you know when you need to empty your bladder? You know because of certain cues your bladder sends to you. And when you get those cues you look for a bathroom to use. If those cues returned quickly, you may have curiosity about them, “Gee, I just went to the bathroom. But I have to pee again!” You wouldn’t say to yourself, “What is wrong with you! You just have no willpower! Now that you’ve peed twice, you can’t pee again until tomorrow!” No, if you had to go to the bathroom, you would just go. You also wouldn’t say, “No one else is peeing. Let’s wait until everyone has to pee and we’ll all pee at the same time.” You also plan ahead and use the bathroom when you know one will not be available, like before a long road trip.

Similarly, we need to learn to trust our stomachs like we do our bladders: listening to the signals our stomach sends us, being curious about these signals, heeding these signals each and every time we hear them, and planning ahead for times when food may not be available.

Namaste

Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC

Amy is the director and founder of The Awakening Center. She is running a workshop: "Catching The Uh-Oh's: Stop a binge before it starts" on Sunday September 19th. For more info call her at (773) 929-6262 x 11.

Unplugging Technology and Tuning into Life

2011-05-31T16:44:00.003-05:00

Yesterday my Ipod died. This was a minor tragedy in my mind, especially because it doesn’t look like there will be a new one in my future anytime soon. Now if you’re not connected at the ears to your Ipod as I was, I’m willing to bet many of you can insert another electronic device in its place. Anyway I left work last night tired and very annoyed that I couldn’t just plug in and relax as I sat on the bus. I felt like my well-deserved break was being taken away form me. However after my initial annoyance at being able to hear everyone’s conversations around me passed, I actually began to enjoy the ride. I noticed things I had never seen as I looked out the window, despite taking this route daily, and began to enjoy the rhythmic hum of the city. Later on my walk home from the bus stop I noticed how many others were plugged in to their own world, and kinda enjoyed this little outside secret world I had found, even though this world wasn’t a secret at all.

This whole event gave me a new perspective on my daily commute. Instead of feeling lost without my I pod I felt free. This major disappointment of earlier in the day turned out to not be so bad after all. There are hundreds of events in a day that can make us feel good, bad, excited, angry, exhausted, energized, down or on top of the world, but in the end they are just one event and who knows what hundreds of other events they will lead to. The next time one of these events occurs I encourage you to feel your response, but then to let those feelings go. Allow yourself to be open to wherever the consequences of the initial event may take you. You may just be surprised how a seemingly negative event may end up if you’re open to all the possibilities.

Warmly,

Kira Redig

Kira Redig is the art therapy intern at The Awakening Center

Beginner's Mind in Relationships

2011-05-26T11:44:00.002-05:00

Zen Buddhism offers the concept and practice of beginner’s mind. What is meant by beginner’s mind is an openness to seeing things as they are, a setting aside of assumptions, judgments and preconceptions, and an eagerness to learn and experience. What a challenge to bring this practice to our relationships!

Both popular psychology and depth psychology identify the power of the lens through which we see ourselves, others and events and the world. The experience of some people to see challenges as adversity or disaster while others see challenges as opportunity, is a common example. Or those parents and teachers who see active, inquiring children as curious, intelligent achievers, instead of others who see them as troublemakers and failures. So we know this, right? The-glass-is-half-full people or the-glass-is-half-empty people.

What could our relationships become if we could turn off our set lens and approach the important people in our lives with a beginner’s mind? For one thing, we would not assume we know exactly who the other person is and what they want and think. We would give others permission to experiment in their life or change. One of the things I see working with couples is how over the years the often have boxed-in each other. We may have been a certain way or held opinions at one time in our life, but maybe now we’ve rethought it. If change is the biological marker of life and the one constant, then why do we believe the important people in our lives won’t change or that our relationships won’t change? As a therapist, I have seen couples in long term relationships leave, because they are so constrained by the other’s view of them. What could our relationships become if we could turn off our set lens and approach the important people in our lives with a beginner’s mind?

What could shift in our relationships if we could bring beginner’s mind to our recurring discussions and arguments? We would not assume we know exactly what the other person is thinking and will say in those moments. We could bring curiosity and eagerness. Listening to what is being said and even listening for the intention behind the words, coupled with a desire and enthusiasm to understand the other’s perspective. We could be present to our curiosity and eagerness instead of our constant, internal rebuttal-mechanisms. What could shift in our relationships if we could bring beginner’s mind to our recurring discussions and arguments?

Since Buddhism is a practice, I invite you to this beginner’s mind practice: One time every day for the next week approach a conversation with an important person in your life as if this is the first time you’ve met them. Observe them and the conversation with openness and eagerness to really “get them”, setting aside your assumptions, judgments and preconceptions of them and the situation. Then be present to what you observe.

Warmly,

Linda R Winter, JD, MA, LCPC

Linda is a therapist at The Awakening Center whose practice is significantly informed by IFS parts therapy, and she also facilitates the adult and teen DBT groups at the center. Mindfulness is an important aspect of both IFS and DBT work. Linda can be reached at (773)-929-6262 x.

Ready for Your Close-Up?

2011-05-04T12:41:00.002-05:00

Are you the star of your own life? In my experience working with clients, I often find people settled and satisfied when they are the stars in their own lives. This is not to say that we aren’t happy being in the audience or taking a supportive role. There’s plenty to go around. But sometimes people can get caught in comfortable or reinforced roles that require support to others and lose themselves or forget their own star. I help my clients to find balance between the reinforced and praised supportive roles and the places in which they are wanting to step into their own spotlights.

Are you ready for your close-up? I find that one of the most difficult places for a client to step into her own spotlight is with permission. They secretly want so much to shine but feel they would be hurting someone’s feelings, stepping on toes or letting down those who praise them for being in a support role. Marianne Williamson sums up this conundrum with a paraphrase of Nelson Mandela’s famous quote:

“We are meant to shine as children do. We were born to manifest the glory…that is within us…as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.”

Certainly this takes some doing and may take time for adjustment. But I find, the quickest path to healing (whether it be from trauma, an eating disorder or simply lack of self-esteem) happens when a client becomes interested in her own life. That is a train that is hard to stop.

In the popular film The Holiday starring Kate Winslet, Jack Black, Cameron Diaz and Jude law there is a line in the film that sums up so much of my client work. Arthur Abbott, a retired Hollywood filmmaker, (played by legendary method actor Eli Wallach) befriends Iris (Kate Winslet) who has taken some vacation time in L.A. to mend a broken heart. Arthur Abbott says to Iris that Iris’s recent ex-boyfriend is clearly the loser in the equation:

Abbott: He let you go. This is not a hard one to figure out. Iris, in the movies we have the best friend and we have leading ladies. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you’re behaving like the best friend.

Iris: You’re so right. You’re supposed to be the leading lady of your own life, for God’s sake. Arthur, I’ve been going to a therapist for three years and she’s never explained anything to me that well. That was brilliant. Brutal, but brilliant.

It’s ironic to see Kate Winslet realize that she’s been playing “the best friend” role because she is a blockbuster leading lady. I feel the same way about working with my clients. How can they not see their leading lady qualities? Part of my job is not to shamelessly compliment them but to simply hold up a mirror and hope they can see the beauty, mastery, strength and talent that they are. This is a consistent theme that comes up from time to time with clients. I find that one of the most healing aspects of client work is about helping a client to connect with her identity and creative expression…to help her become a star in her own life.

Dr. Ira Sacker’s eating disorder work has been dedicated to much the same thing. He has dedicated his books and treatment centers to helping people, mostly women, to heal from eating disorders by helping them connect to their voice, passion, creative expressions.

So how do you become a star in your own life? The answer is already within you. What do you desire? What do you love? If time, place, age, education, money, etc., were no object, what would your life look like? I’m not suggesting you chuck it all and move off to Morocco – unless that works for you. But what about a step? Can you squeeze in a bit of time for that class or for that journaling, that alone time? Julia Cameron talks about taking yourself on “an artist date” in which you go somewhere for an hour – a place that you’d like to go but haven’t allowed yourself to go. Maybe it’s an art store, a bookstore, a free lecture, a place in nature, or a museum. What do you wish you could be doing with your life right now (if you’re not already living the dream).

If you get permission (to take a step) from no other place, take it from this blog. Your close-up is ready for you!

Erin Diedling, Med, LCPC

Erin is a therapist at The Awakening Center who can be contacted at (773)929-6262 x. 19.

Eating Mindfully

2011-05-02T09:30:00.002-05:00

Note: This is an excerpt from Amy’s upcoming book: “Imagine Being at Peace…”

I’m sure people have said to you, “Just stop when you are full.” But there is so much more to this than just forcing yourself to stop eating. It’s about learning how to eat in ways that heighten Satisfaction, which is much more important to most people than Fullness.

Let’s look at an example of what that means. Lindsay is fairly hungry, and she asks her Body what it wants and the answer comes back, “Macaroni and cheese.” Lindsay’s Food Police Part yells back, “OMG! Do you know how much fat is in that!? You can’t eat Carbs! No way can you have that. You can have broiled fish and a salad with fat free dressing.”

As Lindsay eats, her Body becomes fuller – but because she isn’t eating what would satisfy her, her Satisfaction level goes down. Her Food Police Part tells Lindsay that she cannot have any more food.

But Lindsay is not Satisfied and she begins to ‘Hunt’ – you know what I mean, looking in cabinets and the refrigerator, eating a little of this and a little of that. If she were paying attention Lindsay would notice she’s hunting for foods that have some of the satisfying qualities of macaroni and cheese.

Because Lindsay is eating more she gets fuller and eventually her Rebel Part says, “Screw it! We’ve blown it this far, we might as well have the mac and cheese!” Afterwards she is quite full (Danger!) and feeling remorse that she ate so much, she vows to stick to her diet next time.

For some of you this is the end of the story. But since Lindsay is bulimic, she purges, which sends her glucose levels plummeting. And you know what happens when our glucose levels are low. Yes, you guessed it – our friend NPY kicks in and makes her want to eat again.

What do you think would happen if Lindsay allowed herself to eat the macaroni and cheese in the first place? (Maybe with the broiled fish and a salad with a dressing she enjoys – eating a variety of foods, textures and temperatures heightens Satisfaction.) If Lindsay ate the macaroni and cheese very slowly and mindfully, savoring the flavor, texture, temperature, her Satisfaction level would go up immediately. And she would be able to stop eating.

When we do not have Satisfaction we overeat – past the point of comfort – and still want to eat more. When we are Satisfied we eat less – some people even lose weight by doing this. But of course the minute you turn Satisfaction into a weight loss diet, then the Parts who rebel against deprivation will make you eat more! How ironic!

What is Satisfaction? When you savor an enjoyable meal that ‘hits the spot,’ that’s Satisfaction! Satisfaction is eating foods that your Body wants and needs, and prepared in ways that are enjoyable for The Child on Your Tongue. We can heighten Satisfaction when we eat very slowly and mindfully. We heighten Satisfaction by eating a variety of tastes, textures, and temperatures at each meal. Satisfaction is higher when we match the food to the situation and our Body’s needs.

In a way, we can blame our culture for part of the problem. Culturally, we eat quickly and mindlessly. As young children, we learn to wolf down our lunches quickly so that another class can use the cafeteria. We eat at our desks while working; we eat in our cars while driving to an appointment; we eat while watching TV. We do not savor the texture, temperature and tastes of the food. When we do not get Satisfaction from eating, you know what happens next – we want more! We start to hunt, we eat more, we get too full and we start to yell at ourselves, we purge or restrict and start the cycle all over again.

Learning to eat slowly and mindfully may feel a bit counter-cultural to you. You may notice when eating with friends or family, how fast they eat and how little attention they give to their food. Your friends or family may even pressure you to eat more or to hurry to eat faster. Even after you practice eating this way, it may be difficult not to fall into old ways when eating with others. You will need to dig out your Toolbox and find Tools that can help such as, “Planning Ahead” and “Speaking up from Our Wise One Within.”

I recommend starting small – start with one meal a week – or if you can’t handle a whole meal, start with just one food. You can join a Mindful Eating Therapy Group or enlist the help of a trusted friend or therapist. You will have to practice this new way of eating for a while before it feels comfortable for you.

Namastè,

Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC

Amy will be leading “Mindful Eating” a workshop on Sunday June 5th, from 12-2pm.

You've heard about Eating Mindfully: "Listen to your body for hunger, fullness and satisfaction. Eat in a way that enhances stopping when full. Balance eating for health with eating for enjoyment." You would like to experience Mindful Eating first hand - but with a 'guide' to help you. This workshop will explore myths and misinformation about food, eating and weight. Uncover triggers for mindless eating which do not honor the body. Come share an intuitive, contemplative meal in a safe supportive environment. (Each participant will bring their own food.)

For more information call (773) 929-6262 x 11 or email awakeningcenter@aol.com

The Awakening Center: "Inner Wisdom"

Pick Yourself Up, Dust Yourself Off, Start All Over Again

Jennifer Schurman: Finding the Right Questions

Breathe, Pause, Consider

Linda R. Winter: Honoring Inner Wisdom

You have the freedom to be yourself, here a­­nd now

La belleza de Colombia

Changing The Game

Creating the Healing Path: Mari M. Schnitzius-Richko

Give Gratitude and Gain Happiness.

Emotions

Take it to the Trees

“Both/And” Thinking About My Father

Battle Cry

Happiness in the 50's, Happiness Today.

I am a garden, not a landfill.

Existentialist’s Perspective: Finding the Self through Astrology on the Internet

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark

Embracing a Season of Waiting

The Importance of Inquiry

"Am I Weird?"

Keeping the "Shoulds" in Check

Listen To Your Body

Unplugging Technology and Tuning into Life

Beginner's Mind in Relationships

Ready for Your Close-Up?

Eating Mindfully

You have the freedom to be yourself, here and now