Keeping the "Shoulds" in Check

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it” – Ferris Bueller

I watched this movie recently and it reminded me of several simple pearls of wisdom. We all have a tendency to become too concerned with the “shoulds” in our lives. I should apply for the job. I should connect with old friends. I should get more sleep. I should drink more water. I should be more... I shouldn’t have... the list goes on. We receive a constant feed of friendly suggestions from magazines, the news, and even friends and family. While these suggestions can be helpful, they can sometimes become overwhelming, making us feel we can’t do anything right. If we could just do or fix...whatever...things would become clear or better. The problem with “shoulds” is they get in the way of what we’re doing now and can keep us from living in the present. The important thing to remember is that we are in control of our lives and decisions. Allowing the “shoulds” to interfere with our goals doesn’t encourage us forward and can keep us from really living and deciding what we think is important.

When the “shoulds” start to creep in, take a minute and do a self-check. Is this “should” a manifestation of an outside influence? Is it scary or intimidating? How does your body react when you focus on it? Doing a self-check allows us to focus on one issue at a time, keeping the thoughts from snowballing, and can get us in touch with our true feelings. Is the “should” really important or is it just getting in the way of what we’re doing now?

As Ferris so wisely noted, if we don’t slow down and think about what’s really important, in the present moment, all of those “shoulds” will continue to creep in and cloud what’s really important.

Claire Jolly is an intern at The Awakening Center. She is a student at Centre College and leads the Eating Disorder Drop-In Support Group on Tuesday evenings.

Listen To Your Body

“Listen To Your Body.”

Our Body is truly miraculous – there are so many things that it does without needing us to think about it at all. We don’t have to tell our heart to beat or our lungs to breathe. No, they do it automatically. Our brain constantly sends out signals to communicate with every cell of our being. Our organs know exactly what to do to keep us healthy. Each cell knows how to repair itself when necessary.

Our Body is the ultimate authority of what we need. No one but our Body knows our Body’s needs. Our Body talks to us all the time for the things it needs. Our Body sends us signals when it is hungry and needs food and when it is full and wants us to stop eating. Our Body tells us when it is thirsty and needs something to drink. It asks us for movement and for rest. It tells us when to empty our bladder or move our bowels. It tells us when we are sick and need attention.

You have to develop what I call Body Trust. Trusting the all the signals your Body sends to you, each and every time your Body sends you that signal. You already have some degree of Body Trust. How do you know when you need to empty your bladder? You know because of certain cues your bladder sends to you. And when you get those cues you look for a bathroom to use. If those cues returned quickly, you may have curiosity about them, “Gee, I just went to the bathroom. But I have to pee again!” You wouldn’t say to yourself, “What is wrong with you! You just have no willpower! Now that you’ve peed twice, you can’t pee again until tomorrow!” No, if you had to go to the bathroom, you would just go. You also wouldn’t say, “No one else is peeing. Let’s wait until everyone has to pee and we’ll all pee at the same time.” You also plan ahead and use the bathroom when you know one will not be available, like before a long road trip.

Similarly, we need to learn to trust our stomachs like we do our bladders: listening to the signals our stomach sends us, being curious about these signals, heeding these signals each and every time we hear them, and planning ahead for times when food may not be available.

Namaste

Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC

Amy is the director and founder of The Awakening Center. She is running a workshop: "Catching The Uh-Oh's: Stop a binge before it starts" on Sunday September 19th. For more info call her at (773) 929-6262 x 11.

Unplugging Technology and Tuning into Life

Yesterday my Ipod died. This was a minor tragedy in my mind, especially because it doesn’t look like there will be a new one in my future anytime soon. Now if you’re not connected at the ears to your Ipod as I was, I’m willing to bet many of you can insert another electronic device in its place. Anyway I left work last night tired and very annoyed that I couldn’t just plug in and relax as I sat on the bus. I felt like my well-deserved break was being taken away form me. However after my initial annoyance at being able to hear everyone’s conversations around me passed, I actually began to enjoy the ride. I noticed things I had never seen as I looked out the window, despite taking this route daily, and began to enjoy the rhythmic hum of the city. Later on my walk home from the bus stop I noticed how many others were plugged in to their own world, and kinda enjoyed this little outside secret world I had found, even though this world wasn’t a secret at all.

This whole event gave me a new perspective on my daily commute. Instead of feeling lost without my I pod I felt free. This major disappointment of earlier in the day turned out to not be so bad after all. There are hundreds of events in a day that can make us feel good, bad, excited, angry, exhausted, energized, down or on top of the world, but in the end they are just one event and who knows what hundreds of other events they will lead to. The next time one of these events occurs I encourage you to feel your response, but then to let those feelings go. Allow yourself to be open to wherever the consequences of the initial event may take you. You may just be surprised how a seemingly negative event may end up if you’re open to all the possibilities.

Warmly,

Kira Redig

Kira Redig is the art therapy intern at The Awakening Center

Eating Mindfully

Note: This is an excerpt from Amy’s upcoming book: “Imagine Being at Peace…”

I’m sure people have said to you, “Just stop when you are full.” But there is so much more to this than just forcing yourself to stop eating. It’s about learning how to eat in ways that heighten Satisfaction, which is much more important to most people than Fullness.

Let’s look at an example of what that means. Lindsay is fairly hungry, and she asks her Body what it wants and the answer comes back, “Macaroni and cheese.” Lindsay’s Food Police Part yells back, “OMG! Do you know how much fat is in that!? You can’t eat Carbs! No way can you have that. You can have broiled fish and a salad with fat free dressing.”

As Lindsay eats, her Body becomes fuller – but because she isn’t eating what would satisfy her, her Satisfaction level goes down. Her Food Police Part tells Lindsay that she cannot have any more food.

But Lindsay is not Satisfied and she begins to ‘Hunt’ – you know what I mean, looking in cabinets and the refrigerator, eating a little of this and a little of that. If she were paying attention Lindsay would notice she’s hunting for foods that have some of the satisfying qualities of macaroni and cheese.

Because Lindsay is eating more she gets fuller and eventually her Rebel Part says, “Screw it! We’ve blown it this far, we might as well have the mac and cheese!” Afterwards she is quite full (Danger!) and feeling remorse that she ate so much, she vows to stick to her diet next time.

For some of you this is the end of the story. But since Lindsay is bulimic, she purges, which sends her glucose levels plummeting. And you know what happens when our glucose levels are low. Yes, you guessed it – our friend NPY kicks in and makes her want to eat again.

What do you think would happen if Lindsay allowed herself to eat the macaroni and cheese in the first place? (Maybe with the broiled fish and a salad with a dressing she enjoys – eating a variety of foods, textures and temperatures heightens Satisfaction.) If Lindsay ate the macaroni and cheese very slowly and mindfully, savoring the flavor, texture, temperature, her Satisfaction level would go up immediately. And she would be able to stop eating.

When we do not have Satisfaction we overeat – past the point of comfort – and still want to eat more. When we are Satisfied we eat less – some people even lose weight by doing this. But of course the minute you turn Satisfaction into a weight loss diet, then the Parts who rebel against deprivation will make you eat more! How ironic!

What is Satisfaction? When you savor an enjoyable meal that ‘hits the spot,’ that’s Satisfaction! Satisfaction is eating foods that your Body wants and needs, and prepared in ways that are enjoyable for The Child on Your Tongue. We can heighten Satisfaction when we eat very slowly and mindfully. We heighten Satisfaction by eating a variety of tastes, textures, and temperatures at each meal. Satisfaction is higher when we match the food to the situation and our Body’s needs.

In a way, we can blame our culture for part of the problem. Culturally, we eat quickly and mindlessly. As young children, we learn to wolf down our lunches quickly so that another class can use the cafeteria. We eat at our desks while working; we eat in our cars while driving to an appointment; we eat while watching TV. We do not savor the texture, temperature and tastes of the food. When we do not get Satisfaction from eating, you know what happens next – we want more! We start to hunt, we eat more, we get too full and we start to yell at ourselves, we purge or restrict and start the cycle all over again.

Learning to eat slowly and mindfully may feel a bit counter-cultural to you. You may notice when eating with friends or family, how fast they eat and how little attention they give to their food. Your friends or family may even pressure you to eat more or to hurry to eat faster. Even after you practice eating this way, it may be difficult not to fall into old ways when eating with others. You will need to dig out your Toolbox and find Tools that can help such as, “Planning Ahead” and “Speaking up from Our Wise One Within.”

I recommend starting small – start with one meal a week – or if you can’t handle a whole meal, start with just one food. You can join a Mindful Eating Therapy Group or enlist the help of a trusted friend or therapist. You will have to practice this new way of eating for a while before it feels comfortable for you.

Namastè,

Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC

Amy will be leading “Mindful Eating” a workshop on Sunday June 5th, from 12-2pm.

You've heard about Eating Mindfully: "Listen to your body for hunger, fullness and satisfaction. Eat in a way that enhances stopping when full. Balance eating for health with eating for enjoyment." You would like to experience Mindful Eating first hand - but with a 'guide' to help you. This workshop will explore myths and misinformation about food, eating and weight. Uncover triggers for mindless eating which do not honor the body. Come share an intuitive, contemplative meal in a safe supportive environment. (Each participant will bring their own food.)

For more information call (773) 929-6262 x 11 or email awakeningcenter@aol.com

Spring Awakening!

Looking at this week's forecast all I see is rain. Last week was about the same. I should not be surprised as this is April and without the rain Spring cannot bloom, bringing with it new life and new beginnings.

As my internship with The Awakening Center and my undergraduate career wind down, I feel like I am in a stage right before bloom like the season. Reflecting upon my last year it has been one of tremendous growth for me. I have accomplished more than I imagined both in my personal life and with The Awakening Center. As I prepare to say good-bye to this past year as an intern and undergrad, I also am giving myself a much deserved pat on the back.

Reflection can be a powerful tool to harness along our journeys. Through reflection we can learn from our past ways and move forward with clearer vision. Providing us with insight, we can pick out patterns that can lead us to successes in dealing with an array of situations. More so, reflection can give us strength in knowing that we made it through something. There may have been struggle, but we did it and some form of celebration is in order! We often can fall into a cycle of focusing on our faults, yet acknowledging our successes can help build confidence that can be invaluable. Most of all, it just feels good to acknowledge the awesome things we have done!

Journaling is a great way to help reflect upon the day, week, month or whenever you feel like it. Writing it down can help you physically see how something came to be. It can help be a way for you to recognize your achievements you may have missed. More so, you can brag how awesome you were without anybody judging!

With the awakening of spring (finally!) I am going to take a moment to look back upon my last year with The Awakening Center and my undergraduate career and give myself acknowledgement for everything that I have accomplished. I will also take this past year's personal growth with me into my new beginnings as a blossoming adult. I encourage everyone to take a moment this rainy week to take a moment to reflect and give themselves credit for any success they have recently had. With the coming sunshine and spring bloom you have yet another opportunity to begin fresh with greater confidence.

Warmly,

Katie

Katie Infusino is an undergraduate intern from DePaul University and enjoyed her opportunity to be an intern at The Awakening Center this past year. She co-leads the Tuesday Night Drop-In Eating Disorder Support Group.

Flowers and Growth

I was drawing a flower the other day, when I decided this flower needed to be pelted with large black and blue raindrops. Feeling relaxed after doing so I began to thing about my image. Flowers, especially in April in Chicago, get a pretty intense share of rain, and sometimes hail and snow, sometimes bending or breaking their leaves or shoots. Despite this abuse they still manage to use this precipitation to elicit growth. In fact, with out it the flowers would not be able to grow. Thinking about it some more, the growth of a flower became a clever metaphor for growth in general.

Growth is beautiful, it’s the lessons, issues and situations which often force growth that, to be honest, usually suck. Ok, may be that is a little harsh, I normally try to be the one to find the good in all situations, but there are times you just have to focus on making it through the hour, day, week, to get by. However these situations are forcing you to adapt and grow. They make you stronger, more complex, and more beautiful.

It is important to take time during and after the struggle to look back at what you have done. This feeling of pride in the growth you have achieved, and depending where you are at in you journey a huger sigh of relief. You are making it through and blossoming into your self in the process.

As a student who is getting close to finishing grad school, I can tell you there were plenty of times I just wanted to fast forward to the end because the stress of the situation was so uncomfortable, but looking back The discomfort lessens and I am beginning to recognize my growth and cherish it. I am weathering the storm and coming out on the other side. What ever your struggles may be I know that you too can make it through, growing into something beautiful on the other side.

Peace

Kira

Kira Redig is the Awakening Center’s art therapy intern and leads the Thursday night Art Therapy Group from 7-9pm. If you are interested in group or individual art therapy please contact her at

(773) 929-6262 ex 13

Breaking the Cycle of Silence

Tomorrow marks April 1^st and the beginning of Sexual Assault Awareness Month. As I write this I am reflecting on my past year which has culminated in an event at The Awakening Center on April 15^th that I am excited to share with everyone.

On Friday April 15^th, from 6-9pm The Awakening Center will be hosting “Breaking the Cycle of Silence” where we will screen the documentary Searching for Angela Shelton followed by a discussion on sexual violence and the silence surrounding the issue in our society. The documentary tells the story of Angela Shelton as she travels across the United States interviewing women with the name Angela Shelton. During her journey, Shelton discovered that over half of the participants had experienced some type of sexual violence in their lives. As I watched this documentary for the first time as a freshman in college, the gravity of the film did not fully hit me. It was not until participating in DePaul's “Take Back the Night,” an event focused on ending sexual violence towards women and girls, that I realized how prevalent sexual violence is in our society, yet remains largely unspoken about.

A portion of “Take Back the Night” is set aside for a speak out where participants are allowed to open up in a safe space and discuss how sexual violence has impacted their lives. The speak out allows for these people to have a voice and break the pervading silence regarding this issue. As I sat through the speak out, it finally hit home that people I was close with had personally been affected by sexual violence throughout their lives. I could not believe that this was something I did not know about my friends, people I talked to on a regular basis and cared about. Finally, I realized just how prevalent this issue is in our society and realized just how many people I knew had experienced some type of sexual violence.

Remaining silent only continues to allow for sexual violence to exist. It keeps the feelings and emotions someone may feel after experiencing it bottled inside as a secret. This cycle of silence allows for us to turn our heads rather than dealing with and stopping sexual violence, not just towards women, but anyone.

According to the Center for Disease Control, 1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men report experiencing sexual assault during their lives. On college campuses 1 in 4 women report being raped during their time as a student. Due to many factors including shame and embarrassment, it is believed these numbers may be underreported.

Start a dialogue today and help us end the silence surrounding sexual assault. With more voices together, we can educate men and women that sexual violence is never acceptable. Together, we can foster an environment where victims of sexual violence can speak about it and begin to heal.

Join The Awakening Center on April 15^th from 6-9pm to raise money for Rape Victim Advocates of Chicago, a non-for-profit looking to advocate for victims of sexual violence and change the way our system deals with sexual violence, and to begin a dialogue to help break the cycle of sexual assault and violence.

Katie Infusino

Katie is an undergraduate intern from DePaul University and a recent cast member of DePaul's 2011 production of The Vagina Monologues. She can be contacted at kainfusino@sbcglobal.net for more information on “Breaking the Cycle of Silence” or to reserve your spot on April 15^th.

We are asking for a minimum $9 donation/$5 donation for students. All proceeds benefit Rape Victim Advocates. For more information on RVA visit: http://www.rapevictimadvocates.org/