Embracing a Season of Waiting

“Dreams come true; without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them.” John Updike

Often when I’m working with clients we discuss how to cope and process the emotions connected to a season of waiting. We talk about job changes, moving to a new city, finding a significant other, having a child and so on. There are things that each of us have a true desire for that frequently don’t come in the time or the way that we expected or imagined. We can end up feeling impatient, frustrated, angry or just hopeless. The importance of discussing the many feelings of this waiting time is so important. Obviously there are things that we are meant to know by the many emotions that we may feel in response to waiting for these things we are longing for. If we can be courageous enough to allow the anxiety, worry, or fear to have a voice it may amaze us what these feelings have to say. In allowing ourselves to know what these feelings are saying it gives us the chance to get our needs met while we keep working towards what we have imagined our life to look like. In order to feel the peace we crave we need to actually begin to feel what is there. In getting distance from our emotions and not being taken over by them we can get back to today. We can find the purpose and experiences that we were meant to encounter now. We can get back to the present while holding firmly to the hope for what we yearn for in our futures. We can experience what is intended for us today and perhaps what may be preparing us for the dreams of tomorrow. Now admittedly all of this is much simpler to write and to discuss than to practice. It requires a consciousness of redirecting our attention to what we do have a say in while remaining hopeful and encouraged. Often these seasons of waiting are made more bearable if we invite others along the journey with us. Sharing the struggles and feelings with significant people in our life allows them to be there to support and encourage us. They offer support also by simply listening as this brings us out of the isolation and silent suffering that can accompany these times. Seasons of waiting are challenging. They can test our patience, faith and the hope of realizing what we expected for our lives. They can also be our richest blessings as we reaffirm our strength, aspirations and the support we have as we journey on. My hope for you is that if you are in a season of waiting you will allow others to support you, give yourself permission to experience your emotions and hold firm to all that you hope for while experiencing what is intended for you today.

Peacefully,
Jennifer Schurman,

Jennifer Schurman MA, LCPC sees clients for individual therapy at The Awakening Center. She is a marriage and family therapist who also sees couples and families. She runs the Women's Eating Disorder Therapy Group on Monday evenings. For more information call, (773) 929-6262 x20.

The Importance of Inquiry

I have recently finished Geneen Roth’s book Women, Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything and it has definitely gotten my wheels turning. I particularly enjoyed her discussion of what it feels like to truly inquire about what you’re feeling- and the process of relating to your feelings, instead of from them.

Roth writes:

“Inquiry is body based; it is not a mental process. You sense what it feels like to be inside your skin, your arms, your legs. You notice the sensation and you notice the location of the sensation. Sensation, location, sensation, location. If, for instance, you are feeling sad, you ask yourself where that feeling is located in your body. You notice a gray heap of ashes in your chest, and up pops the belief that ‘love exists for other people but not for me.’ You become curious about that belief. How old were you when you first learned that? And what were your feelings at the time that never got noticed or felt or understood?

It’s good to ask some questions that allow you to focus on the sensations themselves. You can ask yourself if the feeling has a shape, a temperature, a color. You can ask yourself how it affects you to feel this. And since no feeling is static, you keep noticing the changes that occur in your body as you ask yourself these questions” (Roth, 104-105).

With the stress of everyday life: work, school, family, it is so easy to become detached from the body. We become ‘talking heads’ only thinking instead of really feeling. The exercise of reconnecting with the body and seeing what a particular part of it feels like in a stressful, sad, exciting, or joyful situation can be very eye opening. This allows for an exploration of the body that doesn’t involve food or weight, or self-criticism, simply curiosity. Curiosity that can lead to real self discovery. It also allows for small increments of success. For some, the task of focusing inward on body sensation for five minutes a day may be enough at the beginning, for others it may mean an hour long meditation on each area of the body and the feelings that may be harbored there.

I really love the steps involved the process Roth describes above. Starting with curiosity eliminates judgment; the act of exploration eliminates the ‘talking head’; and the experience of the feeling in the body allows for a refreshing openness and understanding to wash over your heart.

Women, Food and God is a wonderful book full of wisdom and I would definitely recommend it. But, if you don’t have the book, try inquiring about your body and your soul and see what it feels like to reconnect with yourself and the world around you.

Peacefully,

Claire Jolly

Claire Jolly was a summer intern at The Awakening Center. She is a student at Centre College in Ohio.

"Am I Weird?"

Last Sunday, one of my favorite movies was aired on television. I looked forward all week to watch it. The movie was Stand By Me based on a book by Steven King. Set in 1959, in the summer before they start jr h.s., it is a story about four boys who walk along a railroad track for many miles to see a dead body. Teddy and Vern are goofy and immature. The main character, Gordie just lost his beloved older brother - at his brother's funeral his father laments, "It should have been you instead." Gordie's best friend Chris comes from a very troubled family and can't get a break simply because of his family's reputation.

Why do I love this movie? There are so many scenes in this movie I love, some funny, some sad, some poignant - but the main part I love boils down to four simple lines of dialog. As they walk down the railroad tracks, Gordie and Chris are talking; Gordie turns to Chris and asks, "Do you think I'm weird?"

Chris quickly replies, "Definitely."

Gordie asks again, "No man, seriously. Am I weird?"
Okay, think about it. If you asked your best friend this question, what answer would you want to hear?

If your friend said, "No" would you believe them? Of course not! They are trying to spare your feelings.

Would you rather hear, "Yes?" Of course not! That would just affirm your deepest fear that you are weird and everyone knows it and judges you for it.

So what did Chris reply - he came up with the perfect answer, the answer I would want to hear if I asked a friend, "Am I weird?"

Chris replies, "Yeah, but so what? Everybody's weird."

Why is that the perfect answer? Because it's the truth! We are all weird! But so what! We all have something that is weird about us!

Maybe when we are not so afraid of being judged as weird, we can embrace our weirdness. We may even be able to celbrate what makes us uniquely weird! How weird is that!!!

It's a good movie - I'll bet you can rent it from the library. I'm sure you would enjoy it too.

Peace,

Amy

Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC is the founder and director of The Awakening Center. She will be leading a workshop "Catching the Uh Oh's: Stopping a Binge Before it Starts" on Sunday Sept 18th. For more info call (773) 929-6262 x11 or email awakeningcenter@aol.com

Keeping the "Shoulds" in Check

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it” – Ferris Bueller

I watched this movie recently and it reminded me of several simple pearls of wisdom. We all have a tendency to become too concerned with the “shoulds” in our lives. I should apply for the job. I should connect with old friends. I should get more sleep. I should drink more water. I should be more... I shouldn’t have... the list goes on. We receive a constant feed of friendly suggestions from magazines, the news, and even friends and family. While these suggestions can be helpful, they can sometimes become overwhelming, making us feel we can’t do anything right. If we could just do or fix...whatever...things would become clear or better. The problem with “shoulds” is they get in the way of what we’re doing now and can keep us from living in the present. The important thing to remember is that we are in control of our lives and decisions. Allowing the “shoulds” to interfere with our goals doesn’t encourage us forward and can keep us from really living and deciding what we think is important.

When the “shoulds” start to creep in, take a minute and do a self-check. Is this “should” a manifestation of an outside influence? Is it scary or intimidating? How does your body react when you focus on it? Doing a self-check allows us to focus on one issue at a time, keeping the thoughts from snowballing, and can get us in touch with our true feelings. Is the “should” really important or is it just getting in the way of what we’re doing now?

As Ferris so wisely noted, if we don’t slow down and think about what’s really important, in the present moment, all of those “shoulds” will continue to creep in and cloud what’s really important.

Claire Jolly is an intern at The Awakening Center. She is a student at Centre College and leads the Eating Disorder Drop-In Support Group on Tuesday evenings.

Listen To Your Body

“Listen To Your Body.”

Our Body is truly miraculous – there are so many things that it does without needing us to think about it at all. We don’t have to tell our heart to beat or our lungs to breathe. No, they do it automatically. Our brain constantly sends out signals to communicate with every cell of our being. Our organs know exactly what to do to keep us healthy. Each cell knows how to repair itself when necessary.

Our Body is the ultimate authority of what we need. No one but our Body knows our Body’s needs. Our Body talks to us all the time for the things it needs. Our Body sends us signals when it is hungry and needs food and when it is full and wants us to stop eating. Our Body tells us when it is thirsty and needs something to drink. It asks us for movement and for rest. It tells us when to empty our bladder or move our bowels. It tells us when we are sick and need attention.

You have to develop what I call Body Trust. Trusting the all the signals your Body sends to you, each and every time your Body sends you that signal. You already have some degree of Body Trust. How do you know when you need to empty your bladder? You know because of certain cues your bladder sends to you. And when you get those cues you look for a bathroom to use. If those cues returned quickly, you may have curiosity about them, “Gee, I just went to the bathroom. But I have to pee again!” You wouldn’t say to yourself, “What is wrong with you! You just have no willpower! Now that you’ve peed twice, you can’t pee again until tomorrow!” No, if you had to go to the bathroom, you would just go. You also wouldn’t say, “No one else is peeing. Let’s wait until everyone has to pee and we’ll all pee at the same time.” You also plan ahead and use the bathroom when you know one will not be available, like before a long road trip.

Similarly, we need to learn to trust our stomachs like we do our bladders: listening to the signals our stomach sends us, being curious about these signals, heeding these signals each and every time we hear them, and planning ahead for times when food may not be available.

Namaste

Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC

Amy is the director and founder of The Awakening Center. She is running a workshop: "Catching The Uh-Oh's: Stop a binge before it starts" on Sunday September 19th. For more info call her at (773) 929-6262 x 11.

Unplugging Technology and Tuning into Life

Yesterday my Ipod died. This was a minor tragedy in my mind, especially because it doesn’t look like there will be a new one in my future anytime soon. Now if you’re not connected at the ears to your Ipod as I was, I’m willing to bet many of you can insert another electronic device in its place. Anyway I left work last night tired and very annoyed that I couldn’t just plug in and relax as I sat on the bus. I felt like my well-deserved break was being taken away form me. However after my initial annoyance at being able to hear everyone’s conversations around me passed, I actually began to enjoy the ride. I noticed things I had never seen as I looked out the window, despite taking this route daily, and began to enjoy the rhythmic hum of the city. Later on my walk home from the bus stop I noticed how many others were plugged in to their own world, and kinda enjoyed this little outside secret world I had found, even though this world wasn’t a secret at all.

This whole event gave me a new perspective on my daily commute. Instead of feeling lost without my I pod I felt free. This major disappointment of earlier in the day turned out to not be so bad after all. There are hundreds of events in a day that can make us feel good, bad, excited, angry, exhausted, energized, down or on top of the world, but in the end they are just one event and who knows what hundreds of other events they will lead to. The next time one of these events occurs I encourage you to feel your response, but then to let those feelings go. Allow yourself to be open to wherever the consequences of the initial event may take you. You may just be surprised how a seemingly negative event may end up if you’re open to all the possibilities.

Warmly,

Kira Redig

Kira Redig is the art therapy intern at The Awakening Center

Eating Mindfully

Note: This is an excerpt from Amy’s upcoming book: “Imagine Being at Peace…”

I’m sure people have said to you, “Just stop when you are full.” But there is so much more to this than just forcing yourself to stop eating. It’s about learning how to eat in ways that heighten Satisfaction, which is much more important to most people than Fullness.

Let’s look at an example of what that means. Lindsay is fairly hungry, and she asks her Body what it wants and the answer comes back, “Macaroni and cheese.” Lindsay’s Food Police Part yells back, “OMG! Do you know how much fat is in that!? You can’t eat Carbs! No way can you have that. You can have broiled fish and a salad with fat free dressing.”

As Lindsay eats, her Body becomes fuller – but because she isn’t eating what would satisfy her, her Satisfaction level goes down. Her Food Police Part tells Lindsay that she cannot have any more food.

But Lindsay is not Satisfied and she begins to ‘Hunt’ – you know what I mean, looking in cabinets and the refrigerator, eating a little of this and a little of that. If she were paying attention Lindsay would notice she’s hunting for foods that have some of the satisfying qualities of macaroni and cheese.

Because Lindsay is eating more she gets fuller and eventually her Rebel Part says, “Screw it! We’ve blown it this far, we might as well have the mac and cheese!” Afterwards she is quite full (Danger!) and feeling remorse that she ate so much, she vows to stick to her diet next time.

For some of you this is the end of the story. But since Lindsay is bulimic, she purges, which sends her glucose levels plummeting. And you know what happens when our glucose levels are low. Yes, you guessed it – our friend NPY kicks in and makes her want to eat again.

What do you think would happen if Lindsay allowed herself to eat the macaroni and cheese in the first place? (Maybe with the broiled fish and a salad with a dressing she enjoys – eating a variety of foods, textures and temperatures heightens Satisfaction.) If Lindsay ate the macaroni and cheese very slowly and mindfully, savoring the flavor, texture, temperature, her Satisfaction level would go up immediately. And she would be able to stop eating.

When we do not have Satisfaction we overeat – past the point of comfort – and still want to eat more. When we are Satisfied we eat less – some people even lose weight by doing this. But of course the minute you turn Satisfaction into a weight loss diet, then the Parts who rebel against deprivation will make you eat more! How ironic!

What is Satisfaction? When you savor an enjoyable meal that ‘hits the spot,’ that’s Satisfaction! Satisfaction is eating foods that your Body wants and needs, and prepared in ways that are enjoyable for The Child on Your Tongue. We can heighten Satisfaction when we eat very slowly and mindfully. We heighten Satisfaction by eating a variety of tastes, textures, and temperatures at each meal. Satisfaction is higher when we match the food to the situation and our Body’s needs.

In a way, we can blame our culture for part of the problem. Culturally, we eat quickly and mindlessly. As young children, we learn to wolf down our lunches quickly so that another class can use the cafeteria. We eat at our desks while working; we eat in our cars while driving to an appointment; we eat while watching TV. We do not savor the texture, temperature and tastes of the food. When we do not get Satisfaction from eating, you know what happens next – we want more! We start to hunt, we eat more, we get too full and we start to yell at ourselves, we purge or restrict and start the cycle all over again.

Learning to eat slowly and mindfully may feel a bit counter-cultural to you. You may notice when eating with friends or family, how fast they eat and how little attention they give to their food. Your friends or family may even pressure you to eat more or to hurry to eat faster. Even after you practice eating this way, it may be difficult not to fall into old ways when eating with others. You will need to dig out your Toolbox and find Tools that can help such as, “Planning Ahead” and “Speaking up from Our Wise One Within.”

I recommend starting small – start with one meal a week – or if you can’t handle a whole meal, start with just one food. You can join a Mindful Eating Therapy Group or enlist the help of a trusted friend or therapist. You will have to practice this new way of eating for a while before it feels comfortable for you.

Namastè,

Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC

Amy will be leading “Mindful Eating” a workshop on Sunday June 5th, from 12-2pm.

You've heard about Eating Mindfully: "Listen to your body for hunger, fullness and satisfaction. Eat in a way that enhances stopping when full. Balance eating for health with eating for enjoyment." You would like to experience Mindful Eating first hand - but with a 'guide' to help you. This workshop will explore myths and misinformation about food, eating and weight. Uncover triggers for mindless eating which do not honor the body. Come share an intuitive, contemplative meal in a safe supportive environment. (Each participant will bring their own food.)

For more information call (773) 929-6262 x 11 or email awakeningcenter@aol.com