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| "White Buddha Praying" by Laura Lian |
By Erin Stitzel Selover, MA, LPC
“Be the silent watcher of your thoughts and behavior. You are beneath the thinker. You are the stillness beneath the mental noise. You are the love and joy beneath the pain”.—Eckhart Tolle
Imagine
for a moment it is the night before a deadline, you didn’t set aside enough
time to work on your project, and now you won’t be prepared in the way you
would prefer. What thoughts do you experience as you consider this situation? Perhaps
your inner Critic would very vocal: “You’re so lazy. How could you have done
this? Well it’s pretty typical, actually. You are such a faker. You should just
give up”.
If your Critic
is loud enough, your inner Child might become engaged, spurring her into an anxious
spin. She may think, “Oh no! What is going to happen? I am going to be the
laughing stock! Everyone will see that I AM just a faker. I am so scared!”
Perhaps
this provokes another part of you who wants to save the day but is out of
balance so can’t suggest the most sound ideas. Perhaps this panicked Rescuer
says, “Just call in sick! Don’t go! Make something up! Just save yourself!!” You
can imagine how crippling these thoughts could be and how awful you could feel
if you listen to them. When we get so caught up in the false messages we
receive from different parts of ourselves, it is very difficult to center and
move forward in the best way.
Now
imagine this same scenario, the eve of a presentation that you just did not sufficiently
prepare for. However, this time you hear from your inner Wise One. What might
this sound like? Perhaps your Wise One would say, “Well you definitely didn’t
prepare as much as you could have, however, slow down and take a moment to
review what you already know about this subject. Is there anything you can do
to pull together some key ideas?” Perhaps your Critic is then more in balance
and acts more as a Manager. It may say, “Is there a way to frame your
presentation so that your audience is more involved and contributes their
ideas? It may not be your best work, but moving forward you can manage your
time differently.” Your Rescuer may then say, “Why don’t you shift this into a
workshop format and have your participants map out solutions?” This could leave
your Child part feeling safer, thinking “That could be great, and people could
feel a part of the creative process!”
This would
all feel a lot different from the situation described above. You would be just
as prepared (or under-prepared), yet you would go into your presentation
feeling far more grounded and stable, and you could even come out of it feeling
inspired and successful. The difference? Your thoughts! Your inner dialogue can
be just that powerful.
This may
sound great, and most likely anyone would prefer the second scenario. So, how
does one go about it? How can you soften the messages you receive and center yourself
in the space of your Wise One? One of the best ways is to simply commune daily
with your Wise One.
All of
your parts--the Critic/Manager, the Rescuer/Panic part, the Child--are like
your own inner tribe. A tribe runs more smoothly and peacefully when a leader
is present. The tribe needs to know and be familiar with the leader to trust
their guidance. If the leader rarely shows up and is inconsistent, the tribe is
less inclined to respond with respect and won’t particularly experience safety.
When the leader is ever-present and provides guidance, instruction and comfort,
then the tribe is going to respond in kind. Communing daily with your Wise One—your
tribe leader—can help your parts begin to work together in harmony, instead of
inadvertently wreaking havoc on your thoughts, system, and responses.
A great
way to start communing with your Wise One is to choose a time of day when you
are already feeling calm. If you are a visual person, it can be helpful to assign
an image to your Wise One. You may respond to sound or color and can think of
your Wise One in this way. It could also be helpful to envision someone from
your life as a stand-in for your Wise One. Do you have a relative, friend, or
teacher who is very calming and grounding to you? Let them represent your Wise
One! Really, whatever works for you and can help you connect to this concept of
inner calm is perfect.
So take a
moment, close your eyes, and picture this Wise One. Imagine that your Wise One
exudes love and acceptance, believes in you, and wants you to be happy and to
succeed. You could just sit and bask in this energy, or you could imagine
yourself having a conversation with your Wise One. If you start to notice any
of your parts getting activated in this exercise, just try to calmly
acknowledge them and let them know you will get back to them after you spend a
few minutes with this benevolent energy. This can be tricky in the beginning.
Remember, your inner tribe may not yet trust this leader. Over time, the
presence of your Wise One will feel more natural, and eventually all of your
parts will be more willing to work with the system, for good.
Erin Stitzel Selover is a Licensed
Professional Counselor who works with individuals and groups. She believes in
helping clients access their own inner strength and wisdom and strives to
accompany them on that journey of exploration and discovery.
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