"Stillness"

Friday, while driving back from visiting my parents in Wisconsin I hit a blinding thunderstorm! Traffic came to an almost standstill while the rain came down in buckets! Leaves and branches were blowing across the streets! It took much longer than usual, but finally we made it home. The neighbors tree was down in their yard – but we were safe and unharmed.
The next morning when I went out to walk the dog the sky was clear and blue. It was a pleasant temperature and there was little wind. How serene! How tranquil! What a difference from the night before!
Erin Diedling has written a blog article about Inner Stillness. I hope it helps you find the serenity and tranquility within you!
Namasté,
Amy
PS to all dads out there – “Happy Father’s Day”

It’s more than just a Travel Channel ad: "Stillness"

A friend asked me recently what I’d be doing on a recent vacation. I responded with great joy and a big smile, a resounding, “nothing”.

Our culture values doing and productivity. It’s our right as Americans to do and be productive. We take pride in and give value to being a productive nation – and rightly so. As a culture, we’re wonderfully productive. And in order to keep up with the value of doing and productivity, we have these remarkable vending outlets for caffeine to help us keep doing all day…Starbux, 5 Hour Energy, Red Bull, sodas, etc.

And then, there is the less often valued concept of stillness. Stillness is just as immediate as a caffeine fix, (perhaps even more so if you wait for the caffeine to take effect) but it is so elusive. What is this stillness? What is the calm, tranquility, the peace of it? How do you get to it?
Often we fear the stillness because it seems that there is something in between oneself and the availability of the still experience. This is often true of much of the eating disorder behaviors we treat at The Awakening Center. The behaviors are often well-intentioned but misguided attempts to get to a point of stillness.

When I teach meditation, this is the messy thing. Everything that stands in the way of the person being still will come up. Some traditions call it the “monkey mind”. One way to get past the messiness of moving toward stillness is to think of stillness as an anchored boat (your presence of mind) and think of the anxious thoughts as nothing more than waves passing by.
Stillness is all about non-doing. Stillness is a way of being (vs. the oft applauded doing). Getting to stillness seems such a nice concept in theory, but how do we get to stillness? There are those rare people, you know who you are, who seem to have a grace or a peace about their very nature. For the rest of us, stillness, non-movement, non-doing may begin with a decision – a simple intention to be still.

Stillness often involves being grounded in the present moment. Some ways I’ve seen that work for people to get into the present moment and find stillness:
***Taking a deep breath or even letting out a sigh has physiological impact that allows for stillness.
***Noticing beauty, in the color of the sky, a type of intrigue in architecture, or a flower growing next to the sidewalk, seeing a meaningful exchange between two people, stopping for a pedestrian at a crosswalk and simply noticing. In the city, design is a form of beauty and allows us an opportunity to be present.
***In a Tich Nhat Han book, the buddhist monk describes the tail lights on a car at a stop light as the eyes of the Buddha smiling.
***Being present with the smell, taste and texture of food.
***Doodling gets a mixed review, but actually allows the higher part of the mind to be present and free.
***Journaling can be a gateway to stillness by allowing one to be in the moment with emotions and thoughts.
***Bathing – water is a gateway to stillness that speaks at profound levels.
***Sitting with our breath and noticing our breath.
***Something as simple as feeling wrapped in a blanket or resting on a pillow and the noticing the texture, warmth, feel of it. Allowing oneself to be comforted by the feel of it.

What are the ways that bring you to stillness? When have you felt still? How can you bring more of that into your life. What do you get to have if you allow more stillness into your life? Maybe you can give yourself permission to bring in the still. You’re worth it!

Namasté.
Erin Diedling, MEd, LPC
(773) 929-6262 x19

Check Your Time

I recently finished reading A Whole New Mind, by Daniel H. Pink, which makes an argument for why right-brained individuals are at an advantage in our evolving society, particularly in the world of work. Throughout the book, Mr. Pink supplies ideas and resources that are meant to assist readers in developing the right-brain and its creative aptitudes.

One aspect Mr. Pink identifies is the seemingly gradual shift from the focus on and emphasis of material things towards the importance of finding meaning in one’s life. He offers a simple exercise that I want to share.

Called “Check Your Time,” this task is meant to examine whether or not our daily routines reflect our genuine hopes and dreams. To begin, make a short list of the people, activities and values that are most important to you. Try to keep it brief, noting no more than 10 items. Then, think back through the past month and approximate how many hours over the past four weeks you spent doing something linked to one of the priorities you listed.

When I did this activity over a month ago, it was hard not to notice that many of my daily goings-on did not reflect what I truly value. As a result, I decided to change some of my behaviors and made a conscious effort to incorporate activities into my life that better matched the items on my “important list.” The shift has not been that difficult, as I’m actually living more in line with what I most value and have been feeling more fulfilled in both my personal and professional life.

I encourage you to give this exercise a try. In addition to identifying areas where your values don’t match your time, it will also serve to highlight when your values are in harmony with the way you choose to spend your days. Ideally, checking your time will provide you with an honest assessment and lead to a more meaningful existence.

Warmly,

Katie Anson, MA, LPC

Honoring our Parents

The other day I was in the children’s section of a bookstore and I noticed a book titled Mom and Me and another book titled Dad and Me. The books were filled with basic lists of questions for children to ask their parents and for parents to ask their kids. Here are some of the questions: What it is your favorite color? Do you prefer vanilla or chocolate? What is your favorite song? Pizza or pasta? It occurred to me I do not know if my dad prefers pizza or pasta.

While reading the book, a part of me was intrigued by the simple concept. The book caught my attention because I have noticed lately that I want to learn as much as possible about my parents. I want to know about their favorite childhood memories, vacation spots, etc. I think this is because I know there will be a time when they will no longer be with me. I would like to know their stories and life facts as a way to remember them and honor their life and for the next generation of family members to know about them.

Reading this book was also a reminder about the importance of being mindful and enjoying the present moments with my parents. This will help make the future feel less scary and frantic with trying to cram all that I can say and do with my parents. There is a part of me that becomes very sad thinking about my parents not being here. A reason why the book resonated with me is because even though I have known my parents for 32 years, there are still new things to discover about them. When I spend time with them, I look forward to the chance to learn more about their stories and about their lives. I believe this is one of the beautiful things about human relationships, that there is always more to learn about people no matter how well you think you know them.

I do not understand exactly what it is like to be responsible for another human being. In my eyes, being a parent is one of the most self-sacrificing acts a person can do in his/her life. This is especially the case because parent-child relationships go through many transitions. I have noticed that my relationship with my parents has come full circle. I remember being little and if I fell down, a hug or kiss from mom or dad made everything feel better. I recall being an adolescent and distancing myself from my parents because they did not “get” me. I also recall how devastated I was the first time I discovered my perceived all-knowing parents could not help me with my algebra homework. I also remember in college when a relationship went awry, I called my mom instead of a friend. I realized she has so much more wisdom on relationships from being married for forty years than any of my friends.

For parents to continue providing unconditional love to their children throughout these life changes is a special gift. As I become older, I have gained more perspective on the cycles of my relationship with my parents. As I have seen with friends and family members, having one supportive parent can have positive long- term effects on someone’s life. I realize how fortunate I am to have two living parents that love me unconditionally.

Parents can make us feel like the most important people in the world. Parents can believe in us when others do not. They may love us despite our flaws. Parents can help ground us when life changes are happening. When times are tough, they can encourage us to be brave. Parents can teach us life lessons. I am not into Hallmark holidays, but many parents deserve to be celebrated more than once a year, not just on Mother’s or Father’s Day. Happy Parent’s Day, each and every day!

Warmly,

Kristy Hatch

Kristy is an intern at TAC. She leads the Saturday Anad Support Group.

Spring Cleaning

I tackled my closets this weekend and began the process of a serious spring cleaning mission. I have been thinking about all the areas of the house that so quickly get disorganized, stuffed and just messy. So this was the weekend to get down to business.

I began in the guest room by beginning to go through my spring clothes and packing away the winter clothes. Very quickly I realized how big this job was going to be and that this wasn’t really going to be a relaxing Saturday. I was amazed at how much stuff I was hanging onto that I hadn’t even used or frankly knew was there. So I know the rules about if you haven’t used it in a year get rid of it! But what was keeping me from letting go? Is there really the chance that all my clothes will be dirty someday and I just may need another t-shirt? Is there really the chance that clothes from ten years ago will be in style? How many towels does one home need?

So regretfully I began the toss pile and once I got started it felt good! How nice to be able to close a closet without shoving in falling shoes. How nice to hope a guest doesn’t happen to look in that drawer. So on a very simple level I am loving the result of my hard work. Clean closets, more space, less clutter. The thing that’s funny is that I truly am a clean person. Everything to the eye looks shiny, picked up and clean. Just don’t open my closet or drawers! It got me thinking about the many areas of our lives that we allow to get stuffed, cluttered and just plain messy.

What keeps us hanging onto what we don’t need? What gets in the way of living with more simplicity? What does it mean to not give enough attention to the hall closets and pantry shelves of our lives? Obviously the spring cleaning got me thinking a bit deeper than making room in my tiny Chicago closets. It made me think about how many times we get stuck in life in not giving certain areas of life and ourselves the attention we deserve and require. How often we are nagged by certain areas of our lives that are filled with chaos or clutter yet we shove the door shut and pretend the mess isn’t there. What a relief to take stock, sort through the disaster, make decisions and have nothing hiding or needing to be covered.

It was such a joy to look at my closet this morning and have no mess in sight! I made a resolution to keep it this way and continue sorting. I still have more areas to conquer and maintain but that clean closet gives me motivation. So I hope this notion of spring cleaning inspires you to also roll up your sleeves and perhaps tackle whatever needs to be tidied up a bit. Likewise it may be a good reminder to check in with ourselves and think about what emotional clutter may be getting in the way of us living with more simplicity, freedom and peace of mind. What a nice treat to come back home to a place that invites us in and has nothing to hide.

Warmly,

Jennifer Schurman, MA, LPC

Spinning Plates on Sticks - Part 2: "Procrastination"

When I wrote my last blog article, “Spinning Plates on Sticks” way back last November (see: http://awakeningcenter.blogspot.com/2009/11/spinning-plates-on-sticks.html ) I really felt like I had tackled a big obstacle in my life. I felt free, like I had room to breathe and could work on things that had meaning and fulfillment to the bigger picture of my life. But when it was my turn to write another blog article, no matter how well intentioned I was to get it done by my due date – January 1, 2010 – I just could not sit down and write it.

The date came and went. Jolene Hwee, the intern who has been monitoring the blog, sent me a gentle reminder. My response, “I’m so busy with the Conference* I guess I’ll need to skip it this time. I promise to have an article for my next turn, April 1.” (As you can see by the date of this blog, I missed that deadline too. Although I am giving myself positive credit for at least making it in the right month.)

I needed to look at what was really going on. Yes, I am busy. Yes there’s a lot to do for the conference – but I knew these were just excuses. If I have time to play computer solitaire or watch reruns of “The Office” I have time to write one short blog article. So again I ‘went inside’ and looked at what Parts were activated by the thought of writing this article.

The first two Parts I met were locked into a circular pattern: “It has to be perfect!” and “What if it’s no good?” A third Part popped up immediately after that – this Part was elementary school aged, and since she went to a Chicago Public School (a long long time ago) she doesn’t remember ever being taught how to write, “I don’t know how! Where do I begin?” This led to an overwhelmed Part who, whenever I have a task to do, immediately thinks of all my other tasks looming ahead of me. In reaction to all this a familiar feeling of lethargy took over, “I just don’t feel like it. I’ll do it tomorrow.”

I had never really looked at this pattern before. It’s so much easier to criticize myself for procrastinating or to tritely say, “I work well under pressure.” Looking at it in this way made me realize just how much more complicated problems are than they appear on the surface.

So I started with the first two Parts. Stepping back and looking at them with curiosity, I asked, “Why does it have to be Perfect? What are you afraid would happen if it was just good enough?” ‘Gramma May’ (You met her in my last blog article) told me she was trying to protect the young Part who feels like she will be judged if others see her as less than perfect. She and I let the young Part know that this blog article doesn’t have to be perfect – it’s not that important – it’s not up for a Pulitzer! I thought of all my clients, present and past – and told the Young Part that I was just writing to them. That calmed her down a lot, since she already knew and liked these people their opinions did not feel so scary to her.

Then I turned to the one who is convinced that I truly do not know how to write and I reassured her that I truly know how to talk, so we were going to imagine that we were just talking to these people and we’ll just write what we say. Taking a deep breath I turned to the Part who sees all the tasks looming ahead, “Well, yes I do have quite a lot of things to get done, but right now we need to focus on just one. If we get one done it’s better than getting none done. And remember, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

When that one was calmer, I did not feel weighed down with lethargy. I was able to just turn on the computer, sit down and write. Actually this article has been flowing quite easily and I’m fairly pleased with the results.

I hope that this will help you step back and look with curiosity at all the Parts which contribute to your own patterns of procrastination. Once all your Parts are calmed down, maybe you can do one thing that you’ve been putting off too.

Namasté,
Amy Grabowski

*If you would like info about the 3rd Annual Midwest Eating-Disorders Conference: “Replenishing Our Toolbox: Innovative Therapies for Eating-Disordered Clients” to be held May 14, 2010 at the Skokie Conference Center in Skokie, IL please click on this link: http://awakeningcenter.net/conference/index.htm