Bad Body Thoughts

Bad Body Thoughts 
Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC

“It just hits me out of the blue. I start to feel fat and disgusting and then it’s all I can think about.”

“As young as I can remember I’ve always felt too big. My mom used to yell at me, and I would go eat cookies and feel fat.”

In order to give up an eating disorder and become a “normal eater” again, women must give up weight loss as a goal. But its hard to give up weight loss when you have negative feelings about your body. Often negative feelings about our bodies were the first symptom of our eating disorders. Think back, why did you start your first diet? Because you felt fat or too big.

In our society, with its size 0 supermodels, it is very hard not to have negative body image. In fact having some degree of dissatisfaction with one’s appearance is considered the “norm”. When women get together, where does the conversation inevitably turn?....to body dissatisfaction and diets. Its been called “Anorexic Bonding” of women.

When my clients say to me “I feel fat”, I remind them that “fat” is not a emotion. Feeling fat is almost always a bodily sensation of a displaced or unidentified emotion. Often women who have eating disorders are not aware of what they are feeling, and focusing our attention on our body gives an illusion of control.

As Jane Hirschman and Carol Munter point out in their books Overcoming Overeating and When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies, “Bad body thoughts are never, ever about your body...But the thing about a bad body thought is that it includes believing that it’s about your body. ” If you do not feel good about your body it is always about something else in your life. If we listen to what we say about our bodies we get clues about what else needs our attention.

For example: Let’s say that I’m a 40ish professional woman with two children and a bourgeoning business to run. (Hmmmmm, sounds familiar.) In the middle of a particularly hectic weekday morning after I’ve lost my keys, was late for an appointment, and just received a second notice on a bill I forgot to pay, I start to “feel fat”. “My abs are flabby!”, I think to myself. So I go to the health club and do a million sit-ups and workout on the abcruncher for a half hour. Sweating and exhausted, I leave, only to find that I have to return home because I left my briefcase in the kitchen and forgot to pack myself a lunch for work.

The next day, I realize that I never got around to returning those phone calls, and rather than doing the bookkeeping and billing, I decide that my flabby abs need another workout.

On the third day, I’m feeling flabbier than ever when I look at the stacks of paper on my desk. I think to myself, “I’ll do it when I get back from the health club”. But day after day I will continue to feel powerless against these “flabby feelings”.

As you can guess from my example, when we focus solely on our body, the real issues which cause us to feel a certain way never get addressed. We need to listen to the words we use to describe our body and ask ourselves, “If this isn’t about my body, what in my life feels flabby?” In this example, my paperwork and bookkeeping are flabby. If I work on organizing my paperwork, scheduling a bookkeeping system, become disciplined to return phone calls promptly, and take a mindful moment each day to make sure I have everything I need before leaving home, my life will not “feel so flabby”. My life will change and I will grow, feeling more empowered with each change.

In Rebecca Wells book Divine Secrets of the YA YA Sisterhood, there’s a great example of this:

“Do I look too fat?” Vivi asked.

Sidda could not count the number of times her mother had asked her that question. Now, for the first time, she thought she heard what her mother was really asking: Is there too much of me? Do I need to trim myself back for you?

“No Mama,” Sidda said, “you don’t look fat. There is just enough of you. Not too little. Not too much. In fact, you look exactly right.”

Now, I have nothing against working out. I believe in keeping our bodies healthy, and moving our bodies in enjoyable ways. And if our bodies truly are asking for healthy movement, it is perfectly OK to heed that call. But when we go to the health club looking for something else, we are looking in the wrong place. Linda Harper wrote about this in her book The Tao of Eating . She advocates asking our soul what it is looking for when we want to engage in our eating disordered activities. In my example above, maybe my soul was looking for a sense of control over my life and mistakenly thought that working out my abs would give me that control. Maybe I was looking for a way to “work out” my frustrations caused by my disorganization.

The next time you “feel fat” try asking yourself, “If this isn’t about my body what in my life feels like it needs changing. What is my soul asking for?” That is where you will find your answer.

I am currently working on a book about recovery, eating disorders and body image. In this book I will use anecdotes from women in various stages of the recovery process. As I write the book, I will ask a question at the end of my newsletter articles which you may respond to. This issue’s question: When was the first time you felt dissatisfied with your body? When you were growing up what messages did you receive (verbally or nonverbally) about your body? What happens in your current life that makes you feel that body dissatisfaction all over again?

Recovered? What's That?

Recovered? What’s That? Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC

In the eating disorder support group I often say that I have recovered from the spectrum of eating disorders. I am often asked “Aren’t these lifelong illnesses? Is it possible to recover? Will I ever stop worrying about food, eating and weight?”

When I first started to acknowledge that I had an eating disorder, I read everything I found on the subject. I often came across the opinion that eating disorders were lifelong illnesses that could only be controlled and not cured. I went to a 12-step support group which preached to me that I was ill and would have this illness for the rest of the my life. The best one could hope for was lifelong abstinence. This made me feel hopeless. I thought “Well, why even bother trying, if I am going to have this forever.”

Having completely recovered from my eating disorders, I can now say that it is possible to recover fully IF (and its a big “if”) the underlying issues that caused the eating disorder are addressed and resolved.

Now that’s the rub! Some people get to the point where their food is under “control” and decide that they are recovered, even though they have to “control” it every day. They may or may not be aware of some vague feeling of not being completely at ease with themselves: inner emptiness, lack of sense of identity (who am I?), unresolved anger, etc., which they cover up with their new “control” over food. If one considers this to be recovered, then yes, eating disorders are lifelong illnesses.

If, on the other hand, you take a good hard look at what those inner feelings are all about, endure the scariness, pain and anguish of resolving these feelings, then you do not have to use food to cover up these issues. Food then becomes, well, food, something you eat to fuel your body. You can enjoy food and eating, but are not wracked with guilt and self-hatred afterwards. You can eat when you are hungry, eat what you are hungry for, and stop when you are no longer hungry. If one considers this to be recovered, then I do not believe eating disorders to be lifelong.

“But what about relapsing? Don’t I have to be constantly on the lookout for relapsing? What if something “bad” happens to me?” 

I often compare having an eating disorder to having a broken leg. If I broke my leg I would have a cast put on it until it healed. At that point  the cast would be taken off. The bone would be healed, but it would not be as strong as it was before. The bone would be at risk for being broken  again. If the weather was bad, the bone may ache but I certainly would not put another cast on it! I would probably just be gentle with it, and take care of it.

I consider myself totally recovered from my eating disorder: I do not have to think about my food/eating/ weight in order to maintain the weight I am at. If I find myself thinking about these things, then I consider it a “red flag of warning”. I stop and think about what needs am I not taking care of. 

These food thoughts are a “friendly” reminder that I am not tending to business. But because I have learned healthy new ways to cope with life’s  ups and downs, I take care of myself on a regular basis and so food thoughts are rare.

Just like my analogy of the broken leg, there are times when the “weather is bad” in my life, and I have to be “gentle” with myself. I keep a lookout  for what I need and find ways to take care of my needs. But I don’t put the “cast” back on and say I have an eating disorder!

Have I ever been tempted to revert back to old behaviors? Yes, I have had food thoughts but have not wanted to act on them. Even when something terrible happened to me, it was not a struggle to maintain my recovery. Why?

Because the underlying issues have been resolved. Inside I no longer feel like the same person I was before I had the eating disorders.

I will leave it up to you as to whether you consider this a lifelong illness or not. Because ultimately it is up to you as to how far you are willing to take your own recovery. That will then give you your answer.

In the next newsletter I will discuss some underlying issues that need to be addressed for recovery.

Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC

Holiday Eating: Katie Davis

Holiday Eating

Holidays are a wonderful opportunity to see family and friends that you might not otherwise see during the year. But what is a holiday without rich and tantalizing foods? To arrive into the New Year with only positive memories of the holiday season, here are a few nutrition tips to guide you:

1.      Be “choosy” with your choices: The holidays are a great time because it is often your one chance during the year to have Aunt Sue’s famous pumpkin pie, grandma’s stuffing, or cousin Vinnie’s bacon-wrapped scallops. My advice? Eat them! But choose those options over other foods you are able to eat any old time of year. Be “choosy” – eat what you don’t always get!

2.      Be mindful: Once you decide what food(s) you are going to eat during that special holiday meal or event, find somewhere to sit down and truly ENJOY what you have selected. Don’t be in a hurry to eat – take your time and converse with family or friends as you eat. Food should be enjoyed slowly, thoughtfully, and with intention. As you are eating, take note of your hunger and satiety levels – always stop when you are comfortably full or even sooner if your craving is sufficiently satisfied.

3.      Eat a sufficient meal before evening holiday outings: If you are heading to an evening holiday party serving only appetizers or desserts, be sure to eat a well-rounded meal before leaving the house. This will provide your body with energy to help you more easily make good eating choices at the event. It is easier to make smart choices when you are not ravenously hungry.

4.      Mingle away from the food table: To take the focus of your party away from the food, mingle with family or friends away from the food table. Position yourself in a completely separate room or with your back to the food table. This will help you to think less about the food because you can’t see it.

5.      Make sleep a priority: Studies show that inadequate sleep signals a hormone in your body that increases the drive to eat and makes it more difficult for your brain to gravitate toward healthy options. Help your body by getting at least 7-9 hours of sleep each night on average.

6.      Enjoy what truly matters: Keep in mind that what truly matters during the holidays is not the food, but the time spent with family and friends. By focusing on the enjoyment derived from people and not food, the holidays will be much less stressful for you and making healthy choices will happen naturally.

Katie Davis, MS, RD, CSSD, LDN offers individual nutrition counseling on Tuesdays at The Awakening Center. For more info call 773-929-6262.   

EDA or OA: Which is right for you?

Eating Disorders Anonymous (EDA) or Overeaters Anonymous (OA): Which is right for you?

EDA and OA are very different programs, and it seems as though many people do not know the differences between the groups.

Deandra Christianson

Similarities:

Both programs are based on the Twelve Step and Twelve Tradition Program that originated in the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) program. The programs are funded through the voluntary contributions of the members. Also, they seek to create a place of support for individuals with eating disorders that they may not feel alone. Though we are all unique, there are other people who are sharing similar experiences. There is no religious affiliation with either organization, and the spiritual values endorsed by the programs are to be interpreted by each individual, if they so choose.

Differences:

The biggest difference between EDA and OA are the views of recovery.

“Our primary purpose is to abstain from compulsive overeating and to carry this message of recovery to those who still suffer.” –OA

OA believes that an individual with always have an eating disorder. An individual must abstain from certain behaviors or food and is always in recovery. Compulsive eating is seen in OA as a ‘progressive illness.’ OA emphasizes an ‘action plan’ for individuals in the program. This is a plan surrounding food and behaviors to help a person abstain from his/her patterns of overeating. The group focuses on the spiritual, physical, and emotional impacts of overeating and stresses health in all three of these areas.

“Our primary purpose is to recover from our eating disorders and to carry this message of recovery to others with eating disorders.” –EDA

EDA believes that an individual with an eating disorder can recover completely. The organization does not endorse any rules or rigidity around food. It is believed in EDA that the behaviors were due to emotional distress that was expressed through food. EDA strives to help individuals learn safe and effective coping skills. The program’s goal is balance and not abstinence.

To find more information about:

Overeaters Anonymous (OA), go to www.OA.org

Eating Disorders Anonymous (EDA), go to www.eatingdisordersanonymous.org

At The Awakening Center, we have an Eating Disorders Anonymous program on Wednesday nights from 7:45pm-9:00pm. 

Change it Up!

Courtney Morris
Change it Up!

I have recently begun to appreciate the importance of switching things around occasionally.  This can be beneficial for our physical, mental, and emotional well beings.  While it can be great to have a routine, as this allows many of us to be productive and consistent in our work and social activities, it is often too easy for us to get stuck in a habitual rut, especially as the temperature starts to drop and we want to bundle up in the warmth of our homes.  The lack of new physical activity and mental stimulation can take a toll on us all.

The cure for this? Simple! Try something new...or perhaps call that friend or family member you rarely speak to anymore but really miss and make a date to catch up.  Or, perhaps try a new activity which makes you a little nervous; extra points for the further you venture out of your comfort zone as this is where the most opportunity for character growth is offered.  What's the worst that can happen?  If you're brave, try doing this once or twice a week for a more exciting life and see where it takes you!

Asking for Help

Asking for Help

Cara Chill

  I have recently taken notice in my life that asking for help seems to have a negative connotation.  Ever since I can remember, if I did not understand something, I would ask for assistance.  However, in adulthood, I am noticing a lot of individuals who see this as a sign of weakness or incompetence.  When did we start to say that it is not acceptable to ask for help? Many of us would admit to going above and beyond when it comes to helping our friends and family but when it is us who needs help, we have a tendency to refuse it.  Understandably, it is not the most comfortable experience to admit that you may be struggling.  However, if you do not seek help, how are you supposed to receive it? I have been ruminating over this topic for a while now and simply cannot grasp it.  I have finally come to the conclusion that you have to accept that you cannot do everything yourself 100% of the time and there is nothing wrong with that! Even the best and the brightest have had trouble at one point or another.  There are many people throughout history who have struggled and ended up succeeding in the end.  Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard, Thomas Edison had 1,000 unsuccessful attempts before creating the first light bulb, and Oprah Winfrey was fired when she was once a television reporter.  What I am trying to demonstrate is, everyone has flops in life but it is up to you to turn that flop into something useful.  I try to make every negative experience into something I can learn from.  Learning is a process that we go through our entire lives and along the way, we may ask for help.  Asking for help should not be a negative reflection of someone’s intelligence or ability.  It should demonstrate their strength and courage for seeking the opportunity to learn and better themselves. Teaching, learning, and helping others, is a part of life, and appreciating those times in life where we can learn something new or teach something to someone makes life a bit more exciting.  I will leave you all with a quote that may be a tad bit cliché but fitting for my thoughts. “Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for the rest of his life.” Chinese Proverb

Getting Caught in the Rain: a Personal Story

Getting caught in the rain: a personal story

By Jade Braden

I recalled an instance in my life that involved a very drenched girl with a beaming face to boot. When I was in 6^th grade, I was waiting for my mom to pick me up after school. She was running late but she asked me to wait outside of the library, across from my middle school. As I was waiting, I remember seeing the clouds continue to grow darker and the wind pick up. As a couple more minutes passed, it suddenly began pouring. At first, I took the initial reaction of trying to take cover to avoid getting wet. Seeing that I was already soaked during the first two minutes, I decided to stop trying to hide under a half-covered tree, place my book bag on the ground and spread my arms wide with my head tilted up. I closed my eyes and felt the raindrops fall on my face and run off my chin. As I listened to the rain fall on the concrete and into quickly forming puddles on the ground, I felt my face slowly draw a smile. I couldn’t help but laugh as I felt an unexplainable joy well up inside which encouraged me to spin around a couple of times. This seemingly infinite time abruptly ended with the sound of a horn and a mother’s cry, asking for her daughter to get out of the rain.

Although this moment was somewhat brief, this theme of getting caught in the rain consistently comes up, while I’m going out for a run or heading out of work. What I learned was more than simply accepting a ruined hairstyle and clammy feet. I learned to experience and maintain the joy that a child felt when she recognized the pure nature of rain. The soothing sounds of rainfall combined with cool raindrops on ones’ skin are a reinvigorating experience but the weather is often widely dismissed as bad weather. I figured out that the moment one decides that they are not afraid of the effects on ones’ appearance I was more ready to jump into the moment and enjoy life as it comes at me. So, consider this an opportunity: when a storm is brewing and there is nothing to lose, give it a try. Close your eyes and look up to the sky as the rain comes down on you and feel invigorated.