Challenge Body Hatred!

In honor of Eating Disorders Awareness Week, Amy Grabowski is sharing an excerpt from her upcoming book, "Imagine Being at Peace with Food, your Body, your Self." This is from the last chapter and is one of the ten tools to Make Peace with Food and your Body. Amy will be leading a workshop, "Make Peace With Your Body" on Sunday March 6. Please see info at the end of the article.

Challenge Body Hatred!

...Think way back, why did you start your very first diet? For most of you, ‘Feeling Fat’ and being uncomfortable in your own skin was something you’ve felt since you were a kid. In the majority of cases, feeling bad about our Body was the first symptom of our Eating Disorder. And sorry to say, it is usually the last symptom to go. You know this – because even when you have managed to lose weight, you still ‘Felt Fat’.

Or maybe as a child you felt fine about your Body; but sadly someone, your father, mother, doctor or coach put you on a diet. Like I pointed out already, once the dieting started, then the rest of the Eating Disordered symptoms, including feeling bad about your Body, followed.

Part of recovery is going to be learning to not trust the negative feelings you have about your Body and relearning to feed your Body as if you did not have these negative feelings, which you also need to learn to be untrue – even though you will still have these negative feelings for a while. Huh?! Clear as mud – right? Don’t worry I’ll try to make this as understandable as I can.

In today’s society, with our size negative-0 actresses/actors with their perfectly chiseled abs and thighs that never touch, plus the availability of cosmetic surgery to chop off or suck out parts of your Body to achieve the perfectly chiseled abs and thighs that never touch, it is very hard not to have a negative Body Image. Only 3% of the population of the US naturally looks like a supermodel. Does that mean that 97% of us should spend each day hating our Body? I choose to disagree! And I encourage you to disagree as well!

Interestingly, in a research study about the effect of a mother’s Body Image on her daughter, anyone in the control group who had a positive Body Image was eliminated from the study because liking your Body was considered abnormal. In another study, subjects who preferred larger Bodies were also eliminated. So in our culture, having some degree of dissatisfaction with one’s appearance is considered normal and liking large Bodies is considered abnormal! How absurd!

If hating our Body actually worked, if it actually motivated us to stop overeating, then everyone would have an ideal Body. We have to admit to ourselves, "Hating my Body doesn't work!" It just makes all the other symptoms worse, much, much worse!...

If you would like to participate in Amy's Workshop, "Make Peace with your Body" and learn the tools to stop Body Hatred, please call her at (773) 929-6262 x11 or email awakeningcenter@aol.com

Loving Your Body and Yourself

What does body image mean to you? What are your thoughts on your body? Do you like it? Hate it? Feel too uncomfortable in your own skin? Body image isn’t about how you look it's about how you think you look combined with all your criticisms, judgment, and emotions connected to yourself and how you think you look. It is these criticisms, judgments and emotions that drive the body hating. It’s time to reframe your thoughts on your body.

Your body is the vehicle you have been given in order to do what you do. While its necessary to address the inner critics associated with body image, it’s also important to reframe your approach to thinking about your body. Try starting with your hands they may not be the shape or size you want but think of what they do for you. There are so many things you do each day that would be much more difficult without your hands! Other parts of your body and your body as a whole function the exact say way. So next time you’re thinking I hate my legs, arms, nose, body try to remind yourself all of the things you couldn’t do without it. It’s time to begin the journey to loving your body and loving yourself.

Peacefully,

Kira Redig

Kira is the art therapy intern at the Awakening Center, and there are currently openings in her Body Image group. She can be contacted at (773) 929-6262 x13

Breaking the Winter Rut

This is the time of year where the cold, dark days seem to endlessly blur together. The sky is perpetually grey and there are constant traces of salt on all of your shoes, refusing to give you respite from the weather, even when indoors.

When I awaken in the morning, it's dark. When I leave the office in the evening, it's dark. Every time I step outside my breath is caught short by the sharp, frigid air, which somehow seeps in through my boots and gloves, leaving my toes and fingers frozen, despite my double layer of socks. Each winter as I skate along the icy sidewalks I'm guaranteed a minimum of one wipe out, rated at least a 7.5 on a scale of 1-10 for embarrassing moments. But instead of letting my mood plummet with the weather, I make time for the little things that bring a smile to my face, such as hot chocolate, catching up with far away friends on the phone, getting a pedicure, meeting friends after work for dinner or a drink, and trying a new yoga or workout class (even better when it's free!).

Some people may find it difficult to identify those things that bring them joy. If this is the case, I encourage you to try something new and then take the time to explore the experience, asking yourself what you did and didn't like about it. Practice this process for several novel activities, each time, noting aspects you did and did not enjoy. Eventually, you’ll have a list of things you like and don't, and will be more aware of your interests and what will be more likely to bring you joy.

Other people may know what makes them happy, but are challenged by time constraints or are unable to find much motivation to get them out of their winter rut. In order to prevent the winter from melding into one long depressing day, try making plans with others for an activity you genuinely enjoy, but that is a little bit further in the future. Maybe plan a day-trip to go skiing or visit friends or family over a long weekend. You will have something to look forward to and including others will increase the chance that you'll actually engage in an activity that you like. Furthermore, identify 2 -3 things that you love and work to incorporate these into your daily, weekly or monthly routine. That might be a monthly massage, a weekly bubble bath, and a daily phone call.

Most importantly, be kind to yourself. Aim to accept your thoughts and feelings by being compassionate, complimentary, loving, and lenient.

Katie Anson, MA, LPC

Katie is bilingual (Spanish/English) and sees clients for individual therapy at The Awakening Center. She can be reached at (773) 929-6262 x23.

Winter Blues

The sun came out this weekend and it was warmer. The sun shone and everyone seemed lighter, happier. People smiled as they came out of hibernation and filled the stores. People were walking and running in the park. I felt the sun on my face and saw a hint of the moon in the blue sky and the tracks of a jet trail. I noticed things more. I wasn't just scurrying from place to place with my head down against the wind. Everything changes in Chicago when there is a hint of warmth and sun.

Winter's in Chicago can be gray, hard, long and lonely. We get blue. We look out the window and see one more gray day and want to hibernate. It's harder to get out of bed in the morning when it's pitch black. Many people have a difficult time with the lack of sun in the winter in Chicago. Many experience a mild case of the blues. For some, however, the change of season can be much more serious. Some people become depressed and start to have urges to eat sugar and high carb foods, experience fatigue, have weight gain and have difficulty concentrating. These symptoms may be a sign of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) which affects half a million Americans a year-with more women affected then men. Treatment for SAD may include lightbox therapy or if severe, your doctor may determine medication is necessary. Check with your doctor if you think Sad may be impacting your life. But for those whose symptoms are mild, the most effective strategy may be to get outside in the morning rather than hibernating inside. Exposure to the natural light can help restore your body's natural rhythms and also boost your mood and mental functioning. The good news is spring in Chicago is only a month away...

Maureen McNichols Ed.S, LCPC is training at the Awakening Center and loves to visit places to see the sun in the winter! She co-leads the Tuesday night Drop-In Support Group and can be reached at (773)-929-6262 x. 12

Filling Your Recovery Toolbox

We turn to our toolboxes when we need to work on a broken piece of furniture or other household item, but what do we turn to when we need to work on ourselves? In an excerpt from her recently finished and upcoming book Imagine Being at Peace, founder of The Awakening Center Amy Grabowski shares with us tools to add to your recovery toolbox so that when you need to work on you, you are prepared.

….Now it is time to fill our Recovery Toolbox with the resources, skills and tools necessary to handle whatever Life dishes out. Why? Because Life is not going to always cooperate! When I was in my eating disorder, I believed that it was only because I was weak or defective that things happened to me. I thought that if I was perfect then Life would be perfect and I would never have any problems. Huh?! Yeah, right!

In the beginning of therapy I will ask a new client to tell me what she sees when she imagines being recovered. It often sounds like a fairy tale: “When I am recovered, I’ll always eat normally. I’ll be thin and happy. People will like me. Everything will work out in my life.” I feel like the mean Ogre when I tell them, “That sounds really nice and I hate to burst your bubble, but… Sometimes life throws a truckload of lemons at us, and you can only drink so much lemonade! Everything will not always work out. Not everyone will like you and you are not always going to be happy.”

Before they get discouraged and flee from my office, I go on to explain, “Its normal for people to have thoughts, feelings and reactions. You are going to continue to have thoughts, feelings and reactions; many of these will be pleasant. But some of them will be uncomfortable. The difference will be that you will have many very effective tools in your Recovery Toolbox to take care of this discomfort. Therefore, you will not need to turn to your Eating Disorder every time Life does not cooperate.”

Life doesn’t always cooperate for anyone. We are all humans living in a human world. There are thousands of things in Life that we just don’t have control over. And when something goes wrong, it could just be that it’s your turn for Life to dish it out on you. Life is an ‘Equal Opportunity Disher-Outer.’

When we are Self-led, when we have a driver on our bus, then we can use our resources, skills and tools to steer around most of what Life throws at us. Hmmm, here’s a thought, maybe there’s that bumper sticker on the back of our bus, you know the one that says “S--t Happens!”

When we sacrificed our Self and lost the driver on our bus, Life began to feel uncontrollable. We discovered that food, eating, purging, starving, or exercise gave us a feeling of control, mastery, competence, comfort, or just a way to numb out. Our Eating Disorder became our only tool for coping and feeling in control of Life. As I said in Chapter 4, “When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start to look like nails.”

There are three reasons why our Eating Disorder became our only tool. First, we never learned some basic tools because our family couldn’t teach us what they didn’t know. For example, if there were no role models who could teach you how to speak up for yourself, then you learned to “shut up and put up.”

Secondly, if you continually only use the same tool on the top of a toolbox, after a while you forget how to use any other tools. For example, if you numb out anger with a binge you forget how to speak up when something bothers you.

Third, our family or society may have taught us some tools that don’t work very well. For example, a common but dysfunctional tool among eating disordered clients is ‘Mind Reading’ – not telling others what you feel, because, if they loved you, they would just ‘know’ what is bothering you.

Even though I say the Eating Disorder is our only tool, actually we have lots of tools. When a friend comes to you for help, you are compassionate, reassuring, validating, and can think creatively to solve her problem – and many, many, many other tools. But you don’t use these tools for yourself. Many clients have a Young Part who feels she doesn’t deserve to be treated in a warm and caring way. We need to become aware of the young Parts and work to change her Core Beliefs. Then it will be more natural to use these tools for ourselves…..

Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC

Amy will be leading a workshop this Sunday, January 30, 2011 on filling your recovery toolbox. Although this popular workshop is already full Amy can be contacted at (773)-929-6262 x 11 for more information and future dates of this workshop.

Peacefully Present For Today

Often when the New Year rolls around we get excited about what we want to be different this next year. We generally commit to the same goals that inherently we know will make our lives better and bring us closer to being fulfilled. The problem is that as the days and weeks go by we often return back to our patterns and habits. I think perhaps we get distracted by thinking that completing or arriving at our goals is what will bring us contentment. However, must we really wait that long?

I have been reminded this year that it isn’t necessarily the realization of an aspiration that brings us the change in how our life feels but the way we approach it. We all have goals in our lives that are going to take some time, some patience and perhaps some divine blessing. I think the challenge is to think about how we can certainly be committed to our efforts connected to these achievements but also knowing when we need to be still and patient. Rather than longing for things that perhaps aren’t meant for us now we can focus on the present. We can be aware of all the gifts of today. The blessings in our lives now that we are meant to enjoy, be challenged by and perhaps are preparing us for the goals to be reached in the future. Approaching our lives in this way eliminates all the anxiety and stress we create by trying to force life along. It allows us to be more mindful of what is intended for us today, how that is preparing us for tomorrow and allowing us to grow in ways that prime us for when the time comes for all that we desire.

Jen

Jen Schurman, MA, LPC, is a therapist at The Awakening Center and leads the Monday Eating Disorder Therapy Group from 6:30-8pm, which currently has openings. Jen can be reached at (773)-929-6262 x 20 for more information regarding this group.

"After All, Tomorrow is Another Day"

Well fiddle-dee-dee! We are well into January at this point which is around the time that people begin to forget all about their New Year's Resolutions and settle back into their comfortable ways. For those of you maintaining, congrats! For those of you faltering and feel like quitting, take a deep breath because “after all, tomorrow is another day.”

I bring in this quote from my favorite literary and movie heroine, Scarlett O'Hara, because for all the less than admirable things she did, she had a good motto going. Devoted to rejuvenating Tara and her family, Scarlett had to make big changes that were not always easy to get on board with or implement. In fact, Scarlett failed a lot. She turned her sisters against her after going after their beau's, turned her community against her by not acting like a proper lady and made unethical business transactions that led to even more problems. Still, Scarlett kept up her devotion to making the changes she needed to to keep her life together.

How does this apply to your potentially faltering resolution? Whatever your new years resolution may have been, Scarlett helps us understand that it is okay if you are ready to abandon it or adjust your resolution. Maybe today is not the right day for you to be attacking it. Just because the calendar showed January 1^st does not mean that it is the perfect day for you to resolve to make a change.

Every day is a day to reevaluate and figure out exactly how you can achieve the changes you would like to make and figure out the best plan of attack. If one way is not working, adjust. Listen to yourself and figure out what is the best path for you to take. Not many changes in life have a straight path; that would just make life much to simple, and dare I say kind of monotonous.

Even with all the failure and despite loosing Rhett, Scarlett eventually did achieve her goals by getting herself and Tara back on track. Although I do not suggest her exact methods, I believe her moxie and motivation can definitely be inspiring when feelings of failure arise. Tomorrow is another day and with a little motivation you can achieve the goals you have set for the new year. The path may be rocky, but every day is a perfectly acceptable day to begin your journey or even take a quick break to reevaluate and adjust your goals for change.

Optimistically,

Katie

Katie Infusino is an undergraduate intern from DePaul University. She co-leads the Tuesday night Drop-In Eating Disorder Support Group.