(2010 ISBN
9781439177785 Publisher Atria Books)
By Nancy Hall, MA,
NCC, LPC
The first time I saw Portia de Rossi was on the TV show “Ally
McBeal.” Wildly popular in the late 1990s and early 2000s, I never really got
into it. None of the characters seemed real to me—everyone was kind of
cartoonish. The addition of Portia de Rossi to the cast apparently sent
shockwaves into the series. She played Nelle, a buttoned-up ice queen with her
blonde hair squeezed up in a tight bun. But Nelle evolved and showed her sexier
side, modeling underwear and freeing her tightly bound golden locks.
What viewers didn’t see was de Rossi’s off-screen suffering.
Her anxiety about appearing on TV in just a bra and panties. Her panic about
not fitting into the wardrobe provided.
Unbearable Lightness reveals a life of struggles—from the loss of her father, to her
battle with eating disorders, and shame over her sexual identity.
De Rossi’s memoir does not shield the readers from the
details of her eating disorder behaviors. She graphically describes binges and
purges. She talks candidly about her quest to eat as few calories as possible
and her compensatory behaviors to offset what she did consume. This book is not
for the squeamish or the easily triggered.
Eating disorder behavior is very isolating and shame-filled.
Sufferers engage alone and then describe feeling “disgusting,” “ashamed,” “mortified,”
and so forth. Because of de Rossi’s willingness to spell out it alarming detail
the specifics of her behaviors, she confronts that shame and rejects isolation.
It’s like she’s telling her readers, hey, I know what you do in the darkness
and you’re not alone. I’ve done it too. It’s going to be OK.
As we so often tell our clients, eating disorders are not
about food, exercise, and weight. And de Rossi’s story illustrates that as
well. As a young adult, she knew she was a lesbian. But she could not come out
and tried to bury her identity. Then, once she became famous in the U.S., she
felt even more pressure to hide her true self. And this shame—this sense of
feeling flawed and unnatural—provided fuel to the eating disorder fire.
Unbearable Lightness describes
de Rossi’s eating disorder, but the real story is in how she connected with her
true self—the person she was born to be. Through that exploration, she has been
able to recover and find peace.
I recommend Unbearable
Lightness if you are solid in your recovery. As noted earlier, the details
could be triggering. If you’re just starting your journey, then perhaps you
could read (or listen to the audiobook) with your therapist or support group.
Crisply written, de Rossi’s candor is oddly shocking and
reassuring. She has crafted a memoir that offers hope without easy answers,
inspiration without quick fixes.
Keep reading!
If you're interested in purchasing this book, visit Women and Children First Bookstore's website for details on how to order. A phenomenal Chicago independent bookstore, since 1979, W&CF has been been a great place to explore books from local writers, feminists, LGBT authors, and political activists. Their selection of children's books is unparalleled. Next time you're in Chicago, head on up to Andersonville and tell them the staff at The Awakening Center sent you!
Nancy is a Staff
Therapist at The Awakening Center. She sees clients individually and
facilitates the DBT group, two meditation groups, and an ED therapy group. You
can reach her at 773.929.6262 ext. 17 or at nancyhalltac@gmail.com.
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