Recovered? What's That!

"Recovered? What's That!"
Amy Grabowski

When I introduce myself as leader of the ANAD group, I say that I have recovered from eating disorders. I often get the same reaction from the new members in the group: "Is it possible to recover fully? How do you know when you are recovered? You don't think about food all the time!"

Total recovery to me means that food, eating, and weight eventually become "non-issues". I tell my clients that we have to take the "power" out of food and turn it back into, well, food. Total recovery means being able to eat without feeling guilt, remorse, despair, panic, self-hatred, etc. After I eat I forget about it! It becomes a non-issue! I can get on with the rest of my life.

At this point I usually get quizzical looks: "You mean you can eat ice cream or pizza and not feel bad afterwards? That's fine for you, but I can't stop eating! I can't have those foods." Part of the recovery process involves learning how to eat like a "normal eater". Normal eaters eat foods like ice cream and pizza. Normal eaters eat three meals and a snack or two a day. Normal eaters eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full - most of the time. Normal eaters do not panic at the sight of pizza!

When I was in college there was a woman in my class who would bring a slice of left-over pizza for lunch every Tuesday. This truly amazed me at the time, because the words "left-over" and "pizza" never went together in my vocabulary before! And she brought it EVERY Tuesday! I got up my courage and as nonchalantly as I could I asked her about it - how could she have pizza every Tuesday and feel OK about it? She told me that she and her husband had pizza every Monday night and always had left-overs for the next day. At the time I wondered how she could "control" herself having pizza so often. She explained that since she knew she was going to have pizza on Monday and the next and the next… it was no big deal! She had taken the power out of the pizza and turned it back into, well, food.

This story illustrates that when we give ourselves "true permission" to have a food, we do not have to "control" it. Total recovery involves learning how to give ourselves "true permission": "Yes I can have that and I can have it again too". This is opposed to "sort of permission": "Well, OK, I'll have it this one time, but never again!" (You know the consequence of "sort of permission": "Since I can never have it again, I better eat it all and then some!") The consequence of "true permission" is that we do not feel deprived and can trust that there will always be enough and that we will always be able to get our share.

How do we learn how to give ourselves "true permission"? Everyone is going to come up with their own solution to this. One approach is to buy food in such large quantities that you could not possibly eat it all. This can be expensive and very very scary. Another way is to start by allowing yourself one "treat" a day. I, myself, took the middle road by starting with a scary food: peanut butter. I decided one day that if I wanted peanut butter I was going to have peanut butter! I had peanut butter for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. On the first day, I just relished it like a greedy little child! On the second day, I found that I could relax a bit and get in touch with the taste and texture. The third day, I still liked it but the enjoyment was beginning to wear off. On the fourth day, I ate it but did not really want it. By the fifth day, I rebelled and refused to eat it! I craved a salad! I couldn't believe it! To see peanut butter and think, "No, thanks." Peanut butter had been turned back into, well, food!
This wasn't a freak occurrence. I have repeated this experiment with my clients and most have found that by the fifth day of "true permission" they no longer need to "control" the food. When food is, well, food you can eat it and enjoy it. You can stop eating when you are satisfied and forget about it. It takes a lot less food to satisfy you when you know that you can eat again in a while, when you are hungry. You can get on with the rest of your life.

Amy Grabowski

The Four Stages of Learning

The Four Stages of Learning 
Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC

One night in the Tuesday ANAD support group, a member excitedly talked about something she learned in her business class: The 4 Stages of Learning: 1) Unconscious Incompetence, 2) Conscious Incompetence, 3) Conscious Competence, and 4) Unconscious Competence. The first, “Unconscious Incompetence”, was described as being “blissful”. In this stage you can’t do something, but you are unaware that you can’t do it. Imagine a very small child happily playing a “song” on a piano. Then you move into the second stage “Conscious Incompetence” which is the most painful. It is the stage where you know you can’t do something, but don’t know how to fix it. Remember your first piano lesson and how awful you knew you sounded? The third stage “Conscious Competence” lasts the longest. You have to consciously work on the problem, deliberately choosing tools, making mindful effort everyday. Everything you do feels awkward and unnatural. This is like practicing the piano hour after hour on a difficult passage of music. The fourth and final stage is “Unconscious Competence”. This is where you can do something effortlessly and without thinking about it. It has become natural and second nature to you. A pianist playing a familiar piece of music from memory would be an example of this stage. A person would occasionally move back into the third stage, work on a problem consciously, then move back into the fourth stage. The group realized that the minute they realized they had a problem they were in the Conscious Incompetence stage, and they found this stage very painful and frustrating. Some who were farther along in their recovery felt that they were in the Conscious Competence stage, that everything was awkward and unnatural and had to be deliberately worked on. It was hopeful to also point out that the women who were in the group the longest said that they felt they had one foot in the last stage, Unconscious Competence, some of the parts of recovery were beginning to feel second nature and they didn’t have to think about it so much. The group discussed some of the skills necessary to recover and how hard it was to keep working mindfully and consciously in the “Conscious Competence” stage. Many acknowledged how hard it was to not give up when things didn’t feel natural after a short while. We realized that since we tended to be perfectionistic it was hard to stick to doing something that didn’t come naturally. We may have the best of intentions, but after the initial excitement of trying something new wore off many gave up after 3 to 5 days. Everyone started thinking of new possibilities when I told them that it took 21 days to make or break a habit. Maybe if they kept that timeframe in mind it would help them to stick to something, even though it didn’t feel comfortable or natural. I reminded them not to overwhelm themselves and try to take on too much at once. Sometimes we need to work on just one thing at a time. So we decided to make it a challenge, to pick one thing and to do it consistently for 21 days. It could be something very simple such as “I am going to repeat an affirmation every morning”. Or it could be risky and scary, such as “I will eat breakfast every morning, no matter what I’ve done the night before.” A little harder one might be “I will ask my critical part to talk to me like I would talk to a friend.” In the next newsletter I will let you know the results of our experiment. (If you want to try along with us, please remember to make your challenge something that you need to stretch to get to, but within a realistic reach.

"Believing in Your Own Ability to Recover"

For many years, The Awakening Center has been a practicum site for several of the Universities in the Chicago Area. This is a “win-win-win” situation for The Awakening Center (having a background in Education, I love teaching practicum students the "art" being a counselor), for the practicum students (they get a well-rounded schedule of training and experience), and for the clients (who otherwise would not be able to afford therapy). This Blog article is written by Christine McRice, a senior at DePaul University who is doing a bachelor’s level internship at The Awakening Center.

For more information about The Awakening Center as a practicum site, please visit: http://awakeningcenter.net/eatingdisorder/opportunities.htm

Namasté,
Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC

“Believing in Your Own Ability to Recover”

Since this internship is my first experience in the field, I wanted to be sure to find a site where I felt true compassion for the clients, and which had a mission I could stand behind. In my search I visited several other treatment centers, but I did not feel the warmth and empowerment that I found at The Awakening Center.

The Awakening Center understands that eating disorders involve more than the client’s relationship with food, but more importantly it is the relationship with self. Learning who you are, and learning to accept and love that person, will bring you a happiness no one could give you. YOU have the ability, YOU have the power, and YOU have the strength that some day you will gain full recovery and fulfillment in life.

At The Awakening Center, I have been lucky enough to co-lead an ANAD support group for those with eating disorders, regardless of your stage in recovery on Tuesday evenings. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but have been pleasantly surprised by the respect and emotional support our members provide one another. ANAD provides a safe environment where judgment is suspended and you are free to discuss issues relating to your ED and learn that you are not alone in your struggles. Many of our members have very inspiring stories about their own recovery and can offer sympathy and understanding to others. Other members are just beginning their journey on the path to recovery. Taking the first step of admitting you need help out loud to those who understand (and to yourself) can be a very relieving leap!

Christine McRice