Pick Yourself Up, Dust Yourself Off, Start All Over Again

"Nothing's impossible I have found, for when my chin is on the ground, I pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again" (Lyrics by: Dorothy Fields / Music by: Jerome Kern).

On the path to recovery, to a greater understanding of oneself, or even just an improved outlook – it can be tempting to beat oneself up whenever life throws a curveball and a moment or a day or a week occurs that makes you feel like you have messed it all up. It can sometimes feel like you have to press the reset button on all of your progress, and that nothing you accomplished before that difficult moment counts anymore. I know I have struggled with this concept. I felt that if my recovery or my plans for self-improvement weren’t just perfect, that I either wasn’t doing it right or I was just a failure. I was living in this black and white world where there wasn’t room for progress, only “perfection”. Then one day I was introduced to two concepts that actually made me pause and reflect on how I was approaching my life. I was told that I couldn’t push the river, it was simply going to flow as it needed to. I was also told that if I did find my “chin on the ground”, to be a gentle cop; meaning to acknowledge that perhaps I had experienced something difficult, and perhaps didn’t make the best decision in the moment, but that I didn’t have to beat myself up so badly that I couldn’t even get up again. I could love myself, understand that I’m human, and just get back up again and continue down my path. As I adopted these thought patterns and practiced them, I found that I did indeed become more gentle with myself, and over time I actually stopped perceiving myself to be on the ground so much. It just felt like life, and I was walking down my path with a greater feeling of Self-love and Self-acceptance. If you find yourself in a moment with your chin on the ground, perhaps you can practice pausing, remembering you can’t push that river of Life, and gently remind yourself that it’s OK, you’ve still accomplished so much, and you are experiencing your journey and your recovery exactly the right way for you. You don’t even have to start all over again – you simply pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep moving onward.

By Erin Stitzel

Erin Stitzel is an interning therapist at The Awakening Center. She is a Masters student at Northeastern Illinois University and will graduate and gain licensure in August of 2012. She specializes in eating disorders, depression, anxiety, trauma, and grief. She runs the Saturday Eating Disorder Recovery Drop In Support Group at TAC on Saturday mornings from 10-11:30am. For more information please call 773.929.6262 (ext.12).

Jennifer Schurman: Finding the Right Questions

By Diana Hinojosa
diaqua90@hotmail.com

As a marriage and family counselor at The Awakening Center, Jennifer Schurman encourages her clients to include family members in the process of their recovery by helping them create a space for them to communicate effectively.

“It is pretty powerful when you are able to see relationships repair, and having a family that is ready and willing to change can really impact the client in therapy,” says Jennifer.

Understanding that therapy should be about meeting the client where they are, and working from there, Jennifer has witnessed how much of an impact families can have on the rehabilitation process of the clients, specifically those with an eating disorder.

Having some friends that had experienced eating disorders, Jennifer found herself gravitating towards this with much intellectual curiosity that has now translated into trying to ask the “right questions” to her clients. She believes it is about being a part of the client’s life in a way that sometimes nobody else can.

Jennifer says, “There is not much about my job that is black and white, and there is never a day that is the same, but that is exactly why I love my job.”

Some of the most difficult parts of her job is acknowledging where the parents of her clients are coming from, while trying to reinforce their intentions. Trying to be the “healthy” voice in the room isn't always easy when trying to mediate the relationship between her client and their parent. Nevertheless, Jennifer feels very privileged to be working with her clients in their process to recovery.

She says, “I think the people that walk in here really want recovery. The biggest joy is watching a client find their voice, and seeing how their life changes, rather than having an eating disorder take over their identity.”

She enjoys being a part of The Awakening Center’s team because of the support she receives from the staff, especially when she feels like she needs to bring herself back from stressful situations.

She says, “While this work can be challenging, the significance of the work we do is so powerful. Being along with these clients in their journey is such a privilege and to know I can witness this is very rewarding. At The Awakening Center we all have our talents and bring something different, but we all want the same thing for our clients. We have the heart for it.”

Breathe, Pause, Consider

Breathe, Pause, Consider

Having an eating disorder is like being a passenger in a rickety old school bus which is speeding down a winding mountain road at night in a blinding thunderstorm. The bus is careening off the guardrails with each turn and picking up speed as it goes along. If this wasn’t bad enough, notice there’s no driver on the bus!

Recovering is like making your way to the front of the bus and getting in the driver’s seat. Imagine with all your senses, feel it in your body as you make your way to the front of the bus. Experience sitting in the driver’s seat. What is the very first thing you would do in this situation?

You probably would reply, “Put my foot on the brake and stop the bus!”

Yes! Once the bus is stopped, you can sit there, as long as you need, to calmly make the decisions necessary to steer the bus to safety. Then, you can start to slowly drive the bus forward again.

An important tool towards recovery is as simple as taking a breath. In the momentary pause of that one breath we can step back and notice what’s going on. Then from our Self, from the place of peace and wisdom within us, we can consider our options –rather than from an emotional knee-jerk reaction.

Early in our lives, we learned to react to situations quickly, without thinking, to protect ourselves from getting hurt or getting in trouble. When these knee jerk reactions were successful, they were reinforced and became habitual. If when we were a child every time someone was angry we quickly tried to fix whatever was wrong, we will be conditioned to fix everyone’s problems as an adult. Not that fixing problems is bad or wrong, but if deep inside a young part of us frantically feels it is her responsibility to fix everything every time anyone is angry then we carry that anxiety and burden with us constantly.

We can practice taking a breath, pausing and considering until it becomes natural to us. Imagine a recent situation that where, in hindsight, you realize now that you felt like Life was racing down the mountain without a driver and you wish you had handled it differently. Maybe something that made your Parts react like in the old days. Now, take a deep breath, filling the bottom lobe of your lungs, holding it and then letting the breath out in a sigh. Repeat a few times until you feel a Pause – like Life has momentarily slowed down. In that Pause, feel yourself step into the wisdom of your Self; ask all your Parts to step back so your Inner Wisdom can see the situation objectively. Consider any and all options. It may help to ask, “What would my best friend do in this situation? What would I suggest to my best friend if the situation happened to her?” Then imagine yourself handling the situation using these suggestions from a place of peace and wisdom within.

I would love to hear your comments about trying this new tool.

Namaste,

Amy

Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC has written a book about recovery from eating disorders. She is in the process of finding a publisher! She can be reached at (773) 929-6262 x 11 or awakeningcenter@aol.com

You have the freedom to be yourself, here a­­nd now

You have the freedom to dance in your room;

Blast the music, no one is watching.

You have the freedom to sing in the shower;

Belt it out, share the words with the water.

You have the freedom to go for a walk;

Appreciate nature, breathe some fresh air.

You have the freedom to write down your thoughts;

Clear your mind on a napkin or in a journal.

You have the freedom to dream about the future;

Anything you want, the road to make them happen.

You have the freedom to smile at a stranger;

Feel it in your heart, make someone’s day brighter.

You have the freedom believe in what you like;

Maybe in the moon, maybe a higher power.

You have the freedom to learn about anything;

Check out ten books, search it on Google.

You have the freedom to cook your favorite food;

Change up the recipe, pretend there’s nothing better.

You have the freedom to look at your reflection;

Remember who you are, fall in love with yourself.

You have the freedom to unclutter your life;

Practice non-attachment, donate old clothes.

You have the freedom to love your family;

Find at least one positive trait, try each member.

You have the freedom to meditate;

Take a deep breathe, turn your focus inward.

You have the freedom to enjoy each day;

The moment you wake, through each hour

You have the freedom to be yourself;

Here and now. Everyday, forever.

By: Danielle Meyer

Danielle is the Art Therapy Intern at the Awakening Center and a student at The Adler School of Professional Psychology. She runs the Eating Disorder Drop-In Support Group on Tuesday evenings and the Art Therapy Support Group on Thursday evenings.

La belleza de Colombia

(The Beauty of Colombia)

The nature, the people, the dignity, the pride, the food, the hospitality, and the spirit of Colombia are only some of the characteristics that made this trip unforgettable. I arrived to the city of Bogota hesitant of what was to come my way, yet I immediately found myself among some of the most admirable people I have ever met. My group and I spent our days there learning about the hidden realities of the marginalized communities in Colombia. We learned about their losses, their struggles, their memories, and more than anything, we were able to experience their courage to continue living happily and grateful. Never in my life have I seen so much poverty, and been in the presence of so much pain, yet at the same time, never in my life have I seen so much dignity and strong spirits. When we arrived to the poorest neighborhood of Bogota, my group was welcomed with smiles, a warm meal, and an eagerness to show us what beauty lied beneath their dirt roads, their unsustainable houses, their lack of resources, their reality. Their faith and drive to continue to be thankful for being alive and together was more than enough to maintain their happiness. I left Chicago unsure, nervous, and doubtful of whom I would meet and if I would be welcomed. On our way there, someone asked me if I had any role models, and my mind went blank. After leaving Colombia, I have many faces in mind.

By:Diana Hinojosa

Diana is the Bachelor's level intern at the Awakening Center. She assists with the drop-in ED support groups and is a senior at DePaul University with a psychology/journalism double major.

Give Gratitude and Gain Happiness.

November - a month of seasonal change when the leaves turn their brilliant reds and oranges, the colder winds pick up, and the sun-filled days begin to shrink. It also ushers in Thanksgiving, a time when many people pause and step away from their busy lives to spend time with friends and family. Thanksgiving is a wonderful time to experience and express gratitude.

As we know, the tradition of Thanksgiving began after the pilgrims spent their first year in America and experienced great hardship. Their first fall harvest, however, was very successful yielding plenty of corn, fruit, and vegetables. In addition they had salt-cured fish and smoked meats, enough to last them through the winter. They celebrated this with their Native American neighbors on a day proclaimed Thanksgiving by their governor. This became an annual custom, and in 1863 President Lincoln appointed a national day of Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving, then, started as a celebration of gratitude. The pilgrims were clearly grateful for the abundance they found in their crops, for finding peace with the Native Americans, and for successfully beginning to build a life on a new continent. As Thanksgiving approaches this year, I am reminded to identify what I am grateful for. I give gratitude for reconnecting with an old friend, for the chance to spend time with my family, and for the beauty the changing of the seasons brings. What are you grateful for?

From a selfless space, the expression of gratitude bestows many benefits. If you are ever feeling angry or jealous, or perhaps you are feeling a bit insecure or fearful of a situation, take a moment to find something in this experience to be grateful for. This can be difficult. Imagine that a friend has inadvertently said something that was hurtful to you, and you start to feel anger rising up within. Go ahead and feel this for a moment. Your body may tense up, perhaps your chest tightens, and you may feel a big knot in your stomach. Now think of some qualities that you love about this friend you are imagining has hurt you – perhaps you love their humor, their compassion, or their wit. Quietly express gratitude for these qualities in your friend. Feel this sense of gratitude for a moment. What happens to your body? Do you relax a bit? Does any tension start to fall away? Do you feel a greater sense of calm? If so, it is for good reason. Gratitude helps dissolve negative feelings, and helps to break down any barriers to Love. It also helps to evoke happiness.

Think of the pilgrims who experienced such hardship during their first year in America. They didn’t know if they were going to survive or not. They weren’t sure of much, let alone if their crops for sustenance would be harvested fully. There was much to be fearful of. They persevered, and along the way they must have had such hope in order to keep moving and growing in this unknown. They must have had little moments of gratitude along the way to spark feelings of calm, love and hope to push them forward.

Perhaps this Thanksgiving, when coming together with loved ones, you can express gratitude and notice its power. Notice if any negativity dissipates, and if you experience a deeper sense of calm. Notice if this deeper sense of calm offers you more connection with others. See if this sense of calm, openness, and connection brings you a feeling of peace and happiness. Then you can take this practice of “thanks-giving” with you, and continue to give gratitude and gain happiness.

By Erin S.

Erin Stitzel is an interning therapist at The Awakening Center. She is a Masters student at Northeastern Illinois University and will graduate and gain licensure in August of 2012. She specializes in eating disorders, depression, anxiety, trauma, and grief. She runs the Saturday Eating Disorder Recovery Drop In Support Group at TAC on Saturday mornings from 10-11:30am. For more information please call 773.929.6262 (ext.12).

Emotions

People have emotions. Men, women, and people of all races experience a wide array of emotions on a spectrum that ranges from bad to good. Sometimes we hit the rock bottom extreme of “bad”. Sometimes we can fly so high that it seems nothing could bring us down from the utmost extreme of “good”. Normally we are somewhere in the middle of the continuum, fluctuating between good and bad. Sometimes we trickle over into one extreme that is beyond the range of normal, but we usually find our way back to an area of acceptable balance.

Many times we need to withhold our emotions; specifically, the “bad” or unhappy ones. Whether we do this because of the way we were raised, how society teaches us, or a job, we can suppress painful feelings. This can certainly create problems.

Many times I hear people that are clearly upset about something say things such as, “it doesn’t matter”, “I’m apathetic”, or “I don’t care, just forget about it”. While this may serve as a way of protecting one’s dignity or sensitivity, I do believe that severe consequences can follow. By not allowing ourselves to feel intense or bad emotions, we are unable to grow stronger and learn how to properly deal with what life hands us. The sadness, anger, frustration, etc. swirl about in our inner worlds and pervade our experiences and interactions with others. This reminds me of a common situation: when a person who is very upset about something walks into a room full of happy people, everyone can feel it and it dampers the light atmosphere.

The emotions that we don’t allow ourselves to feel will end up beckoning for attention. More than often this can end up in using behaviors as tools to numb ourselves, like shopping for things we don’t need, drinking too much alcohol, using drugs, having promiscuous relationships, or anything else that fills the “void” so that the emotions don’t have a chance to. Sometimes we blame other people or our environment for the things we feel, which are legitimate causes. However, if we do not accept responsibility for our own reactions and deny our feeling, we can rebel against things outside of ourselves. For example, lets say someone’s boss upset them at work, but the person pretended like nothing was the matter. That person starts to rebel by showing up intentionally late, not returning phone calls, or only half-listening when they converse with their boss. Lastly, we use things to distract us from feeling, like watching TV, nail-biting, or eating because we don’t want to pay attention to what is going on inside of us.

To stop the any sort of destructive cycles from forming, we need to allow ourselves to feel. We need to allow ourselves to sit, however painfully, in the negative or intense emotion as soon as possible. Our rebellious, distracting, and numbing parts can be behaviors that we use to stifle our emotions for days, weeks, months, or even years. It can create vicious cycles of destructive behaviors, causing much damage in the long run. Therefore, by allowing ourselves to feel something bad for a couple minutes, hours, or days, we use our most instinctive, natural, and healthy way to cope.

By Danielle Meyer

Danielle is the Art Therapy Intern at the Awakening Center and a student at The Adler School of Professional Psychology. She runs the Eating Disorder Drop-In Support Group on Tuesday evenings and the Art Therapy Support Group on Thursday evenings.