My Own Happiness Project

I am currently immersed in Gretchen Rubin’s memoir, The Happiness Project, an account of the year she spent figuring out how to be happier. Putting theory into practice, I have recently begun my own ‘pursuit of happiness,’ incorporating Rubin’s thoughtful insights into my daily life, and slowly creating my own happiness project. One of the fundamental themes I have absorbed from this stimulating reading is that happiness is a choice. Accordingly, one of Rubin’s ‘happiness commandments’ is: Act the way I want to feel. Although we think that we act because of the way we feel, in fact, we often feel because of the way we act. I found comfort and take great stock in the following, realizing that I do, in fact, have control in my own happiness. Rubin suggests what she refers to as ‘fake it till you feel it.’ Essentially, feelings follow actions. If you’re feeling low, you deliberately act cheery, and you will likely find yourself actually feeling happier. Even harder, if you’re feeling angry with someone, do something thoughtful for him/her and your feelings toward him/her will likely soften, referred to in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) as ‘opposite to emotion action.’ This strategy is uncannily effective! Thanks to this great read, I have been reminding myself on a daily basis that striving for happiness is a choice within my control, and one that I not only value but am committed to. Overall, I have highly enjoyed Rubin’s memoir thus far, as I have found it subtly impacting my own daily life! Good luck to others as they embark in their own happiness projects!

Jaclyn Jarvis, MA

Jaclyn Jarvis is a third year doctoral student at The Chicago School of Professional Psychology. She is an intern therapist at The Awakening Center. She specializes in eating disorders, depression, anxiety, and health psychology. Jaclyn co-leads the Dialetical Behavior Therapy (DBT) group on Monday evenings from 6:30-8:00 p.m. and leads the ‘Filling Your Toolbox’ therapy group on Wednesday evenings from 6:00-7:30 p.m.

What makes life well lived?

A couple weekends ago I went home for the celebration of my grandfather’s 89^th birthday. My grandmother, and his loving wife of 61 years, also turned 85 two days prior to his birthday. In celebration of their long and beautiful lives we had a family get together and people drove in from all over the place to be there for this special occasion. We made dinner, played games, and of course listened to plenty of grandpa’s stories. Stories about how my grandma “cornered” him at the ballroom back in 1947 when they first met. Stories about the many years they spent running a dairy and poultry farm and all the blood, sweat, and tears that went into their life’s work. And of course the stories about how things were different “back then”, people worked harder, complained less, and as always the kids were more respectful.

As I sat amongst so many people I loved and listened to this great man tell his stories I found myself thinking, he has a life well lived. What does that mean? What makes a life well lived? I think for my grandfather part of what made his life well lived was his hard work, his travels, and watching is family grown over the generations. But what about my life? Surely I haven’t done anything thus far that could compare to what my grandfather has accomplished. The more I thought about it the more I concluded that a life well lived is one taken a day at a time. If I approach each day as an opportunity, a chance to do something great (no matter how small), then when it’s all said and done I should be able to look back with appreciation for my life well lived. But that’s where the difficulty lies because on days when you wake up late, miss the train, get stuck in the rain, and forget your wallet, it is hard to see this as an opportunity to do or experience something great. Challenge yourself. Today as I stood in the miserable cold wind waiting for the train, I noticed that in the dark the sparks of the train meeting the rail look like a million dancing lightning bugs or maybe little fairies flashing cameras. This simple observation and flight of imagination made my wait more bearable, it brought a smile to my face, and my life was better lived in that moment.

By:

Kaitlyn Gitter

February the 14th

With Valentine's Day coming up, it becomes almost inevitable to become consumed by this Hallmark holiday that wants us to believe that buying chocolates and flowers for our loved ones will make them truly happy. As cheesy as this may sound, I appreciate these Holidays because it gives us all an opportunity to be in the same loving mindset. Besides, it is one of the very few days of the year where one will not be judged by others for trying to show some appreciation. Showing affection for a loved one, friends, family, a pet, etc., is extremely rewarding but I think Valentine's Day can be a good way of reminding ourselves that the rest of the year we should focus on rewarding and appreciating ourselves above all. Valentine's day is one day out of the year, and the other 364 days can really be used to pay attention to what our body is telling us we need, to what makes us truly happy and truly upset, to what inspires us, and finally, to what makes us feel at peace at the end of the day. One of the reasons I love holidays so much is because they give us an opportunity to show a side of us that we have been hiding all year. Valentine's day likes to target our sensitive side, and while for some this day might be a good way of releasing true feelings, for others it becomes dreadful because this day can really make them deal with their emotions. I say we use Valentine's day as a way of reminding ourselves that the rest of the year is about loving ourselves, so that on this day we can share that with our loved ones and not dread the day on our calendars.

By: Diana Hinojosa

Diana is the undergraduate intern at the Awakening Center. She is a drop-in support group co-leader on Tuesday nights and is a student at DePaul University with a double major in psychology and journalism.

La belleza de Colombia

(The Beauty of Colombia)

The nature, the people, the dignity, the pride, the food, the hospitality, and the spirit of Colombia are only some of the characteristics that made this trip unforgettable. I arrived to the city of Bogota hesitant of what was to come my way, yet I immediately found myself among some of the most admirable people I have ever met. My group and I spent our days there learning about the hidden realities of the marginalized communities in Colombia. We learned about their losses, their struggles, their memories, and more than anything, we were able to experience their courage to continue living happily and grateful. Never in my life have I seen so much poverty, and been in the presence of so much pain, yet at the same time, never in my life have I seen so much dignity and strong spirits. When we arrived to the poorest neighborhood of Bogota, my group was welcomed with smiles, a warm meal, and an eagerness to show us what beauty lied beneath their dirt roads, their unsustainable houses, their lack of resources, their reality. Their faith and drive to continue to be thankful for being alive and together was more than enough to maintain their happiness. I left Chicago unsure, nervous, and doubtful of whom I would meet and if I would be welcomed. On our way there, someone asked me if I had any role models, and my mind went blank. After leaving Colombia, I have many faces in mind.

By:Diana Hinojosa

Diana is the Bachelor's level intern at the Awakening Center. She assists with the drop-in ED support groups and is a senior at DePaul University with a psychology/journalism double major.

Emotions

People have emotions. Men, women, and people of all races experience a wide array of emotions on a spectrum that ranges from bad to good. Sometimes we hit the rock bottom extreme of “bad”. Sometimes we can fly so high that it seems nothing could bring us down from the utmost extreme of “good”. Normally we are somewhere in the middle of the continuum, fluctuating between good and bad. Sometimes we trickle over into one extreme that is beyond the range of normal, but we usually find our way back to an area of acceptable balance.

Many times we need to withhold our emotions; specifically, the “bad” or unhappy ones. Whether we do this because of the way we were raised, how society teaches us, or a job, we can suppress painful feelings. This can certainly create problems.

Many times I hear people that are clearly upset about something say things such as, “it doesn’t matter”, “I’m apathetic”, or “I don’t care, just forget about it”. While this may serve as a way of protecting one’s dignity or sensitivity, I do believe that severe consequences can follow. By not allowing ourselves to feel intense or bad emotions, we are unable to grow stronger and learn how to properly deal with what life hands us. The sadness, anger, frustration, etc. swirl about in our inner worlds and pervade our experiences and interactions with others. This reminds me of a common situation: when a person who is very upset about something walks into a room full of happy people, everyone can feel it and it dampers the light atmosphere.

The emotions that we don’t allow ourselves to feel will end up beckoning for attention. More than often this can end up in using behaviors as tools to numb ourselves, like shopping for things we don’t need, drinking too much alcohol, using drugs, having promiscuous relationships, or anything else that fills the “void” so that the emotions don’t have a chance to. Sometimes we blame other people or our environment for the things we feel, which are legitimate causes. However, if we do not accept responsibility for our own reactions and deny our feeling, we can rebel against things outside of ourselves. For example, lets say someone’s boss upset them at work, but the person pretended like nothing was the matter. That person starts to rebel by showing up intentionally late, not returning phone calls, or only half-listening when they converse with their boss. Lastly, we use things to distract us from feeling, like watching TV, nail-biting, or eating because we don’t want to pay attention to what is going on inside of us.

To stop the any sort of destructive cycles from forming, we need to allow ourselves to feel. We need to allow ourselves to sit, however painfully, in the negative or intense emotion as soon as possible. Our rebellious, distracting, and numbing parts can be behaviors that we use to stifle our emotions for days, weeks, months, or even years. It can create vicious cycles of destructive behaviors, causing much damage in the long run. Therefore, by allowing ourselves to feel something bad for a couple minutes, hours, or days, we use our most instinctive, natural, and healthy way to cope.

By Danielle Meyer

Danielle is the Art Therapy Intern at the Awakening Center and a student at The Adler School of Professional Psychology. She runs the Eating Disorder Drop-In Support Group on Tuesday evenings and the Art Therapy Support Group on Thursday evenings.

"Many shades of Blue"

It’s that time of year when the days are getting shorter and the skies get gray. You may be like many other people who find your energy level drops, your thoughts become sluggish and your mood feels depressed. You may have Seasonal Affective Disorder, also known as SAD.
The problem is the lack of exposure to sunlight. In earlier times, humans would wake at dawn. Sunlight hitting our eyelids and passing to our retinas triggers our brains to stop producing melatonin, the chemical which makes us sleepy, and to begin producing serotonin, the chemical that makes us feel good. But 20th Century humans have become disconnected from our ties to nature. We push our bodies to get out of bed in the dark; we surround ourselves with artificial lighting; we breathe re-circulated air. And we wonder what’s wrong with ourselves when we feel “blue”.

One treatment for SAD is light therapy. If you think you have SAD*, you can buy light therapy boxes online. Personally, I have found that exposure to bright light before I get out of bed has a profound effect upon my mood for the day. I have placed a small reading lamp on top of the headboard of my bed. I bought a full-spectrum light bulb (available at holistic health stores) and put the lamp on a timer. It clicks on an hour before I need to get out of bed. Rather than dragging myself out of bed in the dark, I feel rested and alert this way. I also have a full-spectrum light bulb in the lamp on my desk. If it is a particularly overcast day, I will shine the light upon my face for a few minutes in the early afternoon; this also energizes me.
Other ways to beat SAD is to get exercise and fresh air. Even a short walk around the block, particularly in the morning, can raise your serotonin levels. You may want to try it as a “science experiment” for one week – see if it makes a difference in your energy level and mood. Even in the winter, I now enjoy bundling up and going for a brisk walk with my dog every morning. It is amazing to me how beautiful the world can be in the quiet of the morning. If mornings are too hectic for you, get off the “L” one stop early and walk the extra two blocks to work.
Speaking of ‘Blue’… Anne Riley, an Art Therapy Practicum Student from the Adler School of Professional Psychology in Chicago, has written a Blog article about ‘Blueness.’

Namasté,
Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC

Many Shades of Blue

It’s been just “one of those days.” A blueness that has the ability to linger around, possibly couple days, weeks, months, or year. Whatever the length, sometimes we may just feel blue. Blue can be both dark and light, even with shades of grey. Our lives everyday can be a challenge on how we want to look at life; what outlook we have on events or experiences that bring us to that blueness.

The blueness or periods in our lives that aren’t filled with laughter and joy are often uncomfortable. The blue aura that seems to surround us can be far from pleasant and we may wonder with what to do next. Is music the answer? Maybe taking a walk and smiling at people we pass? How about reading a favorite quote or calling a friend? Still, sometimes nothing can shake the feeling of sadness. The question arises and is scary at that; will I ever feel happy again?

It is pertinent to experience life in all its hues, even the crummy, not so awesome curve balls that life throws in our direction. Many changes and decisions are made for us that lead us to this blue state. It isn’t always a matter of what we are faced with, but rather our reactions to negative experiences or a bad chain of circumstances. The options of how to respond are never written out for us in a book; there is no book that guides or leads us toward the end to this sadness.

The blue feeling hangs out, sticks around like it is going to stay and starts to camp out within our Self. What now? Remain in this poignant and uneasy state? We can stay in this condition and go through life sad, possibly angry, or we can hide the feelings altogether and “brush them under the rug.”

Some may find it easier to not look where the blue aura is stemming from. By sitting back and letting sadness fill our lives, anger has the strength to come in and alter our view towards life; the once sad time now somehow becomes bitter. Life being viewed in this way is rarely enjoyable. The “brushing it under the rug” tactic appears nice to those around you, but isn’t necessarily genuine. This too, doesn’t sit so well with us after a while.

Another alternative is choosing to be happy. Yes, this may seem far-fetched, but we can choose and seek out happiness. The option of happiness, true joy of looking at life with it’s fullest potential seems inconceivable when we are in our blue-grey stage, but it’s possible to obtain. The happiness will come. Like many things, it is a matter of time. It may only take just that single day to choose a happier lifestyle, but it can take a long time to figure what is really behind all of the sadness.

The process has no time limit and there is no race to the finish. We can go at our own pace; the important thing is to just wait, ponder, and accept that we have times in our lives when we are just going through a funk. An answer is never out there on a billboard or written in the advertisements on the bus; advice from people we trust isn’t always the key either.

The underlying truth to all the blueness may not have a definite starting point. The important thing is to just be and not rush the process. Instead validate that we have these gloomy feelings. Once we’ve sat with it, we then have a decision to make: wallow in our sadness, or find what makes us smile, makes us happy, makes us be Real and in our Self. When we find little things that tend to be positive, our attitude begins to shift and we’ve gotten back to where there is no blue aura around us and the glow that is in all of us really starts to shine again.

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed. -Carl Gustav Jung


Choosing happiness over sadness is a very conscious effort that we can make. Being happy and being sad hold great advantages in our lives. With the sadness, we can then appreciate the happy side of life that much more. We become more aware that it is a choice that we are granted. In choosing happiness, we gain fulfillment of life.

Anne Riley
During her internship at The Awakening Center, Anne leads an Expressive Therapy Group on Thursday evenings. If you would like explore the many colors of your Self using non-verbal forms of therapy, please call Anne at (773) 929-6262 x 13.

*If you suspect that you have SAD, we recommend you see a medical doctor before attempting to treat the condition yourself. The ideas in this article are merely suggestions, not medical advice.