Inviting Your Emotions With Tenderness

As you may have heard the therapists at The Awakening Center say, we all have many Parts -it's normal and natural to have different personalities within us. There's a Part of you who wants to sit on the couch and watch a movie, while another Part knows that you need to study for a test tomorrow. There's a Part which is supposed to be in charge of all the Parts - this is your Self - the person you were meant to be. Sometimes when we lose our Selves, another Part takes over and tries to 'run the show' - the Pseudo-Self is usually critical, judgmental, perfectionistic and very vocal! I call this Part "The Bully". The Bully tries to berate us into change - but it doesn't work. We usually end up feeling hopeless and then another Part rebels against the Bully and does the opposite of what the Bully is yelling about.

So how do we change this negative pattern? By trying something completely different - by "Inviting Your Emotions With Tenderness". Jennifer Schurman, one of the therapists at The Awakening Center has written an article about using tenderness rather than criticism and judgment. Finding our Selves leads us to inner peace and contentment - the opposite of hopelessness and rebellion!

Oh, BTW, Maureen McNichols is running a workshop "Women and their Inner Bully" on November 13! If you would like more information, call Maureen at (773) 929-6262 x 12.

Namaste,
Amy Grabowski

Inviting Your Emotions with Tenderness

“All any feeling wants is to be welcomed with tenderness. It wants room to unfold. It wants to relax and tell it’s story.” From “Women, Food and God” by Geneen Roth

Often when working with clients I find myself saying over and over it’s not about the weight, it’s not about the food, what’s going on that brings your attention back to these things? It seems at times that it is far easier to obsess over what to have for lunch, how many calories are in that latte, or when the skinny jeans will fit. But this focus is keeping one distracted from what is connected to these things. It’s simpler to think that if we do all the “right” things related to our eating it will calm our minds, give us peace, and bring us happiness. This is yet another empty lie. We begin focusing on solving what’s not quite right by focusing on our body rather than ourselves, our emotions or our needs. We look to our bodies to solve what is beyond them to solve and in the meantime beat them up and demand they give us what we are looking for. It is like getting stuck on a path that promises to bring us what we need yet just keeps us going in loops of pain and disappointment. So if our bodies can’t give us these things where do we look? Inside at ourselves.

Some of the most crucial and amazing work begins when clients begin trusting themselves, listening to their voice and hearing what they need. Choosing to slow things down, invite and spend some time with our emotions is what brings us closer to a true sense of recovery. Beginning to make the transition from the focus on our bodies to the focus on our true selves is a scary step as it brings us to the feelings that perhaps we have been avoiding. However, reminding ourselves that this work of feeling what is there, using it as a signal for what we are needing and responding in a caring way is the beginning of finding what we have been looking for. It’s getting onto a new path that has the potential to lead us to true peace, contentment and happiness. It’s not a simple or speedy journey but one that leads to a place of reconnecting to ourselves. Beginning to rely on ourselves and trust that our emotions have a positive intention for us are the first steps on this new path. My hope is that when you feel the focus shifting to your body bringing you answers you challenge yourself to look inside, spend some time with those feelings and ask them some questions as they may have something important to say. Something that just may take you a step closer to finding all that you long for.

Jennifer Schurman, MA, LPC
Jennifer leads a therapy group on Monday evenings for those trying to recover from eating disorders and disordered eating. Please call her for more information: (773) 929-6262 x 20.

Getting Lost & Getting Found

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “When Life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Sometimes it’s hard to find the positive in negative situations. It’s perfectly normal to want to sit back and sulk about our plight! But that doesn’t mean that Life won’t dish out any more lemons to us. Oh no! Sometimes it’s when we are sitting there sulking that Life decides to teach us another lesson!

Kira Redig, an intern from The Adler School, wrote a blog article about getting lost and finding her self in the process. Hope it helps you to “make lemonade” just one more time!

Namasté,
Amy Grabowski

Getting Lost & Getting Found

The other day as I was walking home, I took a wrong turn and got lost. After a minor panic I kept walking the direction I felt I needed to go, and eventually made it home, discovering a delicious bakery along the way. As I walked up my street, finishing the cookie I had bought, I started to think about the benefits that come from getting lost.

Life throws us some difficult curves, and at other times we intentionally step off the clear path to see what else is out there. Both of these can suddenly leave one feeling overwhelmed, scared, unsure, and well, lost. It is at this point you can become overwhelmed with panic and stay right where you are, or you can push though the panic and walk in the direction you feel is right, possibly asking for directions along the way.

Moving ahead when you don’t know where you are going can seem daunting, but it is amazing what you find out about yourself along the way. It is when we really don’t know what to do, or where to go that we are open to trying a new way. It is also when we really focus on our surroundings. Just as a stumbled upon a bakery during my walk, many of my life changing opportunities have presented themselves just after I have been at my lowest, most lost, moments.

Being lost forces us to try things outside of our comfortable routine. It expands our knowledge of our abilities, and ourselves, as we try to find our way. It offers lows and highs, and the heightened experience that comes with the unknown. Over all, being lost presents us with opportunities we probably wouldn’t have recognize or tried as we followed our set path of life.

For me, there is nothing more satisfying than finding my way home after being lost. I feel proud of myself for pushing through the fear and figuring out my way. I learn from the wrong turns and the gifts of experience they have presented me along the way. With all theses opportunities for growth it seems maybe we shouldn’t be so afraid of getting lost, but push ourselves to do so more often. Maybe its is like Justina Chen Headly says in her book North of Beautiful, “getting lost is just another way of saying going exploring”.

Warmly,
Kira Redig
Kira is a master’s level practicum intern from The Adler School of Professional Psychology. She currently leads an Art Therapy group on Thursday evenings. If you would like to learn more about the group or Art Therapy in general, please call her at (773) 929-6262 x13.