Self-Care During Busy Times

Lovely Vase and Cup of Tea by Jamie Paterno

By Mary Claire Schibelka

What do you think of when you hear “self-care”? Painting your nails? Getting a massage? Journaling? For a long time, I rolled my eyes at the thought of doing these things. “I’m way too busy for self-care,” I thought. Regardless of how many people told me about the importance of self-care, I never looked at it as a necessity. Instead, I actually believed that doing things to take care of myself would only take up more time in my schedule, hence making me even more stressed out.

            Ironically, it wasn’t until several months into my internship at The Awakening Center—when my schedule became busier than it ever has been—that I discovered the power and importance of self-care. Part of this came from taking an honest look at myself and realizing that my current self-care plan (or lack thereof…) wasn’t working. The other part came from reassessing what self-care actually meant to me and questioning whether or not that definition was flexible. What I learned is that self-care doesn’t always have to mean going to a spa or taking a luxury vacation or doing a Pinterest-worthy art project. Those things are great, but when life gets busy, they aren’t always practical. Sometimes, self-care is more about looking ahead, asking yourself what you really need, and then setting yourself up for success.

Planning. One of the most important self-care strategies I have discovered is planning ahead. Using a planner allows you to take what seems like an overwhelming list of things to do and organize it into shorter lists of what you need to tackle on a day-by-day basis. When you take on a busy week one day at a time, it suddenly seems much more manageable. Plus, planners can be great outlets for creative energy if you’re an artistic type. Check out Target, Amazon, and even discount stores like TJ Maxx for cute stickers, markers, and other supplies.

Routines. Not a morning person? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. It’s easy to opt for sleeping in and then rushing out the door in the morning. However, I think most would agree that this usually just ends up making us more tired. A morning routine, on the other hand, sets the tone for a positive and productive day. Your morning routine can start off small, with only one item on the list, like making the bed. By completing just that one task, you’re starting off your morning with a feeling of accomplishment, and this can be very energizing. The same is true for nighttime routines. Just like morning routines help us feel more awake, nighttime routines tell our bodies that it’s time to wind down. This leads to a more restful sleep, and again, a more energetic morning!

Sleep. Since we’re on the topic of sleep anyways, now would be a good time to talk about the importance of it. Sleep is so beneficial to our bodies. It’s restorative, it’s relaxing, and—in all honesty—it’s often a much-needed break from the business of our days. I’ve learned that sleep works best when it’s structured. Our bodies love rhythm. When we stick to a consistent bedtime and wake-up time, our bodies start to naturally fall into the pattern, and we can then reap the benefits, such as more energy and a better mood, throughout the day. Of course, there are circumstances in which we might need more or less sleep, like when we’re sick or during finals week. Remember to listen to your body and give yourself some grace when this one gets difficult.

Preparing. Remember when we talked about planning? This is where it really starts to come in handy. When you have a layout of what your week is going to look like, it’s much easier to figure out what you need to do and when you have time to do it. For example, if you have class at 8am on Tuesdays, and you know you’re not a morning person, it might be helpful to do tasks like showering or putting supplies in your backpack the night before. Also, if it’s difficult or exhausting for you to cook throughout the week, advance meal-prepping can be a great skill. If you have a dietitian, talk to him or her about how to prepare balanced, easily stored meals that fit your meal plan.

Schedule in fun. In the past, whenever I’ve gotten exceptionally busy, the fun activities on my to-do list were always the first to go. I believed that I could do those things only when I completed all of the other requirements. The problem with that philosophy is that when you cut out time for fun, the quality of all your other work suffers. You’re more likely to feel drained, distracted, and resentful of everything else you have to do, so you don’t do it as well. However, if you intentionally schedule in things like hanging out with friends, watching your favorite TV show, doing yoga, or whatever else it is you love, you approach your other obligations with more energy and passion. Next time you find yourself feeling guilty for taking time out of your busy schedule for fun, think of it as an investment, and then notice how it impacts the rest of your tasks for the week.

            Beginning a self-care plan can seem like a daunting task. It requires intention and dedication, and at times you may wonder if it is worth it. But take it from a former skeptic like me: When you invest in yourself, it becomes much easier (and more fun) to put forth energy into everything else. I encourage you to start slowly and choose just a few things you can implement today. Little by little, add more strategies to your self-care repertoire, notice the benefits, and above all, don’t forget to thank yourself.

Mary Claire is a graduate intern therapist at The Awakening Center. She will graduate from Northeastern Illinois University in August 2019 with an MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and will become certified as a Licensed Professional Counselor.

Seeing the World with Purpose

Photo by Erin Channell

By Erin Channell MA, LPC

As an art therapist, I believe that a depth of healing and growth are uniquely reached through the process of making art. Growing up people are often encouraged to create things that are “beautiful.” At some point during the early middle school years, those who do not excel in rendering “beautiful” art stop practicing and engaging in the process. What a shame, because when creativity is not fostered, it is often lost. We begin to believe the lie “I can’t.”

            One of the best tools of self-care that I have nurtured is my own practice of art-making as a way to process personal issues and gain perspective in a quickly shifting world. This is practicing art as therapy (a way to enjoy the therapeutic benefits of embracing creativity) in contrast to art psychotherapy (art utilized during therapy to enhance the verbal communication between therapist and client).            

           Personally, photography is the medium that I gravitate to when the desire to make art surfaces. There is something transcendent that occurs when I am looking at the world through a lens and purposely observing details that many others miss. I don’t mean snapping some pictures with my iPhone (however, the accessibility of iPhones has brought photography to a much wider audience). I mean charging the battery of the good ‘ole DLSR and manually changing the settings to adjust for light changes, depth, and feeling the weight in my hand as I purposely walk around observing the world around me.

            It takes a minute to fully slow down, forget about looking, and to begin seeing. I believe that this process is available to anyone who searches for it. Take a different route to work and leave 30 minutes early. In these moments of slowing down, I begin to feel full and alive. This practice of seeing highlights the importance of therapy through the process instead of becoming consumed with creating a visually appealing product.

            Challenge yourself today to bring creativity to the way you approach your daily activities. This could be creating visual art or simply approaching something mundane with a new perspective. My guess is that you will be surprised by the new flow that often occurs when you bring your creative brain into your everyday life.

Erin Channell is an Art Therapist and Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) at The Awakening Center. She facilitates a weekly art therapy group and sees clients for either art therapy or talk therapy services. She has special training in working with children on the Autism Spectrum and adults facing a range of issues including, but not limited to, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and stress related struggles.

“One Word: Plastics”

By Nancy Hall, MA, LPC

So says Mr. McGuire to Benjamin Braddock at the beginning of The Graduate. “There’s a great future in plastics,” Mr. McGuire goes on to say. And this 1967 observation wasn’t wrong. According to The New York Times, 8.3 metric tons of plastic have been produced since the 1950s. Half of that since 2004. And while there are certainly benefits that come from plastic—lighter and easier to transport—it does not biodegrade. Once it’s made, it’s forever. And that has become a problem.

            According to a July 2017 article published in Science Advances, by 2050, “roughly 12,000 metric tons of plastic will be in landfills or in the natural environment.” That mind-boggling figure makes me want to curl up in my bed and pretend I never even saw The Graduate or heard of The New York Times. Don’t even get me started on Science Advances! How do we even begin to address this problem that seems bigger than impossible?

            Well, we can tackle the problem of single-use plastics. In December 2016, the National Green Tribunal in India banned disposable plastic in Delhi and its surrounding region. The ban was enacted in response to the tremendous amount of waste and illegal burning of plastics creating an environmental crisis. Many US cities are banning or taxing disposable plastic shopping bags. In 2016, France passed a law banning plastic cutlery, plates, and cups that do not contain at least 50 percent “biologically sourced” materials. This law will take effect in 2020 as part the Energy Transition and Green Growth Act.

            Unfortunately, our current president has opted the United States out of the Paris Climate Agreement. However, many businesses and manufacturers are looking to reduce their global footprint and there are things we can do as individuals. Who would have thought tending and caring for the earth would become an act of resistance?

            The Natural Resources Defense Council recommends the following 10 actions to reduce our use of disposable plastics:

            1. Wean yourself off disposable plastics.

            2. Don’t buy water.

            3. Don’t use any product that contains microbeads.

            4. Eat out less.

            5. Purchase items secondhand.

            6. Recycle.

            7. Support bag tax or ban.

            8. Buy in bulk.

            9. Bring your own garment bag to the dry cleaner.

            10. Pressure manufacturers to be conscientious in their packaging practices.

While the statistics are overwhelming and—quite honestly—terrifying, that’s no reason to become paralyzed or give up.

            And being a good steward of the earth supports personal growth. Recovery comes from compassion and love—and that is a bi-directional process. If we make decisions that are kind to the earth, then we better able turn that kindness inward as well. We come from the earth and when it suffers, we suffer too. So connect to your compassion and take care of Mother Earth.

Nancy is a staff therapist at The Awakening Center. In addition to seeing clients for individual therapy, she also leads the adult Dialectical Behavior Therapy Group and the Eating Disorder Therapy Group. You can contact her at nancyhalltac@gmail.com.

Managing the Emotional Thermostat

     

By Rachel Baker

Self-care and coping are terms that get thrown around quite a bit. They are often presented as interchangeable, but, lo and behold, these two types of activities serve us in very different ways. In the most basic terms, self-care serves as a nurturing, preventative measure, whereas coping skills assist us in the heat of a triggering moment.

           

Let’s use a metaphor to illustrate this point. Imagine that you are a house. Your house has a physical body--the walls, roof, windows, and doors. Your house also has an internal emotional life, in this case, the temperature inside. We each have a unique temperature (emotional) range at which we feel comfortable. So how do we keep our houses in that comfortable zone?

You guessed it, self-care and coping! Self-care is all of the daily, weekly, monthly maintenance work you do on your house to make sure it has the capacity to stay in that comfortable temperature (emotional) range. You make sure that your windows and doors close securely to keep out the elements. You insulate your house. You set your thermostat to a comfy 72 degrees.

Self-care is the stuff that feels good and is good for us. Activities like spending time with loved ones, eating balanced meals, getting enough sleep, seeing a therapist, going to the doctor, joyfully moving our bodies, spending time in nature, making art, gardening, seeing a play, reading a good book, or anything else that brings a smile to our face is self-care. These activities keep our physical body and internal emotional life capable of maintaining our healthy, comfortable range.

OK, back to our house metaphor. Now imagine that all of a sudden, your AC unit breaks down in the middle of a heatwave. Time for coping skills! You might close your curtains, turn off all of the lights, and get out your backup fans.

Coping skills are the methods we use to deal with stressful situations. When our emotional thermostat shoots above our comfortable range and we feel angry, we might hit a punching bag, throw ice into a bathtub, take a vigorous walk (or stomp) around the block, or rip up an old phone book. When our emotional thermostat drops below our comfortable range and we feel sad or depressed, we might take a warm bath, call a friend, curl up with a good book, or listen to soothing music. After a stressful situation, coping skills help us get back to a content emotional temperature.

All in all, we need both self-care and coping skills. Following a daily or weekly self-care routine can minimize the opportunity for stressful moments. Of course, life is unpredictable. Sometimes our AC units break and we pull out our coping strategies. Self-care and coping look different for everyone. Trust your inner wisdom and start experimenting today!

Rachel Baker is a Staff Therapist at The Awakening Center who works with individuals and groups. Using a holistic approach, she strives to help clients discover a place of peace within. You can reach her at 773.929.6262 ext. 21 or at rachel.baker3523@gmail.com.

            

Filling Your Recovery Toolbox

We turn to our toolboxes when we need to work on a broken piece of furniture or other household item, but what do we turn to when we need to work on ourselves? In an excerpt from her recently finished and upcoming book Imagine Being at Peace, founder of The Awakening Center Amy Grabowski shares with us tools to add to your recovery toolbox so that when you need to work on you, you are prepared.

….Now it is time to fill our Recovery Toolbox with the resources, skills and tools necessary to handle whatever Life dishes out. Why? Because Life is not going to always cooperate! When I was in my eating disorder, I believed that it was only because I was weak or defective that things happened to me. I thought that if I was perfect then Life would be perfect and I would never have any problems. Huh?! Yeah, right!

In the beginning of therapy I will ask a new client to tell me what she sees when she imagines being recovered. It often sounds like a fairy tale: “When I am recovered, I’ll always eat normally. I’ll be thin and happy. People will like me. Everything will work out in my life.” I feel like the mean Ogre when I tell them, “That sounds really nice and I hate to burst your bubble, but… Sometimes life throws a truckload of lemons at us, and you can only drink so much lemonade! Everything will not always work out. Not everyone will like you and you are not always going to be happy.”

Before they get discouraged and flee from my office, I go on to explain, “Its normal for people to have thoughts, feelings and reactions. You are going to continue to have thoughts, feelings and reactions; many of these will be pleasant. But some of them will be uncomfortable. The difference will be that you will have many very effective tools in your Recovery Toolbox to take care of this discomfort. Therefore, you will not need to turn to your Eating Disorder every time Life does not cooperate.”

Life doesn’t always cooperate for anyone. We are all humans living in a human world. There are thousands of things in Life that we just don’t have control over. And when something goes wrong, it could just be that it’s your turn for Life to dish it out on you. Life is an ‘Equal Opportunity Disher-Outer.’

When we are Self-led, when we have a driver on our bus, then we can use our resources, skills and tools to steer around most of what Life throws at us. Hmmm, here’s a thought, maybe there’s that bumper sticker on the back of our bus, you know the one that says “S--t Happens!”

When we sacrificed our Self and lost the driver on our bus, Life began to feel uncontrollable. We discovered that food, eating, purging, starving, or exercise gave us a feeling of control, mastery, competence, comfort, or just a way to numb out. Our Eating Disorder became our only tool for coping and feeling in control of Life. As I said in Chapter 4, “When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start to look like nails.”

There are three reasons why our Eating Disorder became our only tool. First, we never learned some basic tools because our family couldn’t teach us what they didn’t know. For example, if there were no role models who could teach you how to speak up for yourself, then you learned to “shut up and put up.”

Secondly, if you continually only use the same tool on the top of a toolbox, after a while you forget how to use any other tools. For example, if you numb out anger with a binge you forget how to speak up when something bothers you.

Third, our family or society may have taught us some tools that don’t work very well. For example, a common but dysfunctional tool among eating disordered clients is ‘Mind Reading’ – not telling others what you feel, because, if they loved you, they would just ‘know’ what is bothering you.

Even though I say the Eating Disorder is our only tool, actually we have lots of tools. When a friend comes to you for help, you are compassionate, reassuring, validating, and can think creatively to solve her problem – and many, many, many other tools. But you don’t use these tools for yourself. Many clients have a Young Part who feels she doesn’t deserve to be treated in a warm and caring way. We need to become aware of the young Parts and work to change her Core Beliefs. Then it will be more natural to use these tools for ourselves…..

Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC

Amy will be leading a workshop this Sunday, January 30, 2011 on filling your recovery toolbox. Although this popular workshop is already full Amy can be contacted at (773)-929-6262 x 11 for more information and future dates of this workshop.

Self-Care

Summer is a hectic time for many of us. We try to cram a lot of activities into our limited supply of summer weekends – I am writing this early Sunday morning after having driven my son back to ISU in Normal IL yesterday, and my daughter hosted a party on Friday night. Today is an Anniversary Party for a cousin and a family reunion picnic, plus getting ready for a day of meetings at work tomorrow.

Katie Anson wrote a blog article about the emotional, physical and social importance of self-care, specifically the need for getting sufficient sleep. I hope you are inspired to squeeze self-care into every day.

Namasté,
Amy Grabowski

Self-Care

I am big on self-care. Historically, I never made time for myself. I was always busy, doing a lot of things that I enjoyed, but many things that I did not, and I wasn’t taking great care of myself. I wasn’t listening to what I wanted emotionally or what my body craved physically. I wasn’t doing things that would make me genuinely happy. To me, self-care was selfish and indulgent.

This perspective held for many years, but as I explored and experienced more, and became surer of my true self, I reframed what I formerly called selfishness as self-care. And the more I practiced self-care, the less selfish and better I felt.

In my mind, self-care can take many forms. Sometimes I treat myself to a splurge when shopping. I do my best to go to yoga on a weekly basis. Occasionally I’ll forego a social activity to relax and spend some time with myself at home. I like to treat myself to morning lattes.

Sleep is an essential aspect of self-care for me. It’s always a battle in the summer - the sun sets later and there seem to be so many activities going on during the day and night, which don’t promote a full night’s rest. I’m reminded of the “sleep when you die” quote, of which I’ve never been a fan. For me, lack of sleep leads to numerous emotional, physical and social side effects that negatively impact my life. For instance, my overall outlook on life is more negative the day after I barely sleep. I’m grumpier and my patience decreases, meaning I’m terse at work and complain more. I’m not as friendly or outgoing and I just feel crappy. I will actually get a sore throat the day after I don’t get sufficient sleep - my body’s way of telling me I’m not giving it enough rest. In order to avoid all of these negative effects, I’ve learned to prioritize, plan and say “No.”

Getting enough sleep is still a work in progress and there are still days, and even weeks, where I feel overwhelmed and wonder if I will ever feel well rested. Luckily, I’m able to recognize that when I feel this way, I simply need to realign my priorities and make myself the main focus.
Taking good care of yourself can be challenging, and with all of the roles we balance in a single day, it’s easy to forget about yourself and fulfilling your own needs. Think about the things that make you happy and then make yourself a priority by scheduling some self-care.

Katie Anson, MA, LPC
Katie is bilingual (Spanish/English) and sees clients for individual therapy at The Awakening Center. She can be reached at (773) 929-6262 x23.

Self-Care: Taking Time For Yourself

Here in Chicago, it has been raining for the umpteenth day in a row! The sky is grey and the weather is cold and windy. What a great day to stay inside and relax! We often don’t give ourselves permission to relax or take care of ourselves. Kristy Hatch, a counseling intern currently at The Awakening Center has written an article about the benefits of taking time for yourself.

While you are considering taking time for yourself, you might appreciate what you have in your life. There are many people who go hungry and need help feeding their families. The Awakening Center is participating in The Paulina Station Food Drive to benefit the Lakeview Food Pantry. This food drive will start November 9th through November 22nd. We will have a drop off bin in our entry way at our office (3523 N Lincoln, Chicago, IL 60657). Please bring some non-perishable food items the next time you visit.
Namasté,
Amy Grabowski

Self-Care: Taking Time For Yourself

I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard someone say “I don’t have time to… (fill in blank).” I believe this is especially the case when it comes to taking time for ourselves. I am always curious to ask people “What do you like to do?” “What do you do to decompress?” “What are ways you take care of yourself?” “What does ‘self-care’ mean to you?” Some people say they enjoy yoga, to sit outside or to go for a long ride in the car. Many people know what they like to do, but they struggle to find the time to participate in the activities they enjoy. I believe the benefits of taking time for yourself are endless.

It Can Be A Refreshing Experience.
Many of us lead very busy lives. We can barely find time to eat, sleep, and shower. How is a person supposed to take time for herself while trying to juggle career, school, family, etc.? I have to remind myself that taking time for myself refreshes me when facing life struggles. When I am faced with a challenge, that is probably when I need self-care the most. There are times I feel I do not have time for yoga or to read for relaxation. But I have discovered if I do make the time for these activities I feel rejuvenated and able to face the next event on my schedule. Not only do I feel better, but I also have more energy.

Being a Positive Role Model
My parents started encouraging my sister and me at a young age to engage in activities that we enjoyed. I believe teachers, mental health professionals, coaches, mentors, and managers can also be this type of role model for their clients, students, employees, etc. They can encourage us to take time for ourselves and also provide examples of how they practice self-care. My parent’s message influenced me at a young age to understand that it is okay to take time for myself and to engage in activities that I enjoy, even if I am busy. I was able to apply their message throughout my life and into adulthood. I will admit this is not always easy for me, but spending time with my parents is a reminder of the long-term benefits of taking time for ourselves. This is one aspect (of many) in my life where I feel fortunate to have both of them as role models.

Increase Self-Awareness
Many of us may have noticed that as we get older our interests have changed, the activities we enjoyed at age sixteen differs compared to what we like to do as adults. I believe taking time for ourselves allows us a chance to explore various activities to find out what we enjoy. This can help to increase our self-awareness. What do we find relaxing? What helps us to reflect on the day’s activities? What helps us to focus on ourselves?

There are many reasons to practice self-care and many ways to practice in addition to the above suggestions. I believe taking time for ourselves can help us to enhance our life experiences. This is one way for us to feel cared for and refreshed. I encourage you take time out of your busy schedule to do something for yourself even if is a five minute walk around the block. Find out what you are craving and give it a try. You may discover a new life-long hobby.

Kristy D. Hatch

"Pause"

"Pause"

Jolene Hwee, a Practicum Student from Northwestern University, has written the next blog article called “Pause”. Her article reminds me that we live in such a busy world that we don’t often take the time to “Pause” and take care of ourselves for all the little things we need to do, but also all the little things that we know we should do. But it is in those little “Pauses” that can change our lives. October is Breast Cancer awareness month. I encourage all of you, both women and men, to “Pause” and check your breasts. While 80% of all breast lumps are benign, it is with early detection that Breast Cancer is most beatable.

My niece Morgen Paul is doing the AvonWalk for Breast Cancer in Washington DC in memory of my sister Terri who died in 2003 after a courageous 10 year battle. If you would like to help find a cure for Breast Cancer, please consider donating to a member of her team: “Terri’s TaTa’s”. Click on this link: AvonWalk for Breast Cancer: Terri's TaTa's

Namasté,
Amy Grabowski

“Pause”

This summer I became a mother.

My life changed in every way possible. I was thrust from a world of books and clinical training to one filled with diaper changes, burp cloths and 3am feeds. Overnight, I became severely sleep deprived, physically exhausted and mentally overwhelmed. I was suddenly responsible for a tiny human being who was dependent on me for her every need, and although this responsibility was often a joy, it also filled me with wordless anxiety.

Maybe you have also experienced a change in your life- the loss of a friend, a new job, moving cities, marriage, graduation, a change that fills you with a kind of suffocating, racing anxiety that you can’t get away from. Maybe you experience sleepless nights, hectic days, and a constant wondering “How can I stop feeling so anxious? When will I ever stop worrying?”

I have found that it is precisely during these intense, anxiety-filled days that being mindful is necessary, but oh so difficult.

Mindfulness is “awareness without judgment of what is, via direct and immediate experience” (Cindy Sanderson, PhD). You are being mindful when you listen to a song and experience every note, when you make some tea and take time to smell its aroma, when you dance without self-consciousness and when you notice the colors of the sky during sunset.

Mindfulness is meeting every moment of life in the present, with complete awareness, and suspending our judgments, whether positive or negative. Unfortunately, the world we live in does not encourage mindfulness; we are expected to be multi-taskers, to do two or three or four things all at the same time. Most of us have two or more pressing responsibilities, work, school, family, friends, that constantly demand our attention. We admonish ourselves for not doing what we ‘should’ and doing what we ‘should not’. We often spend our time planning the future or ruminating about the past, rarely appreciating the present. We move through life with breakneck speed, asking, “What’s next?” instead of savoring what is now.

When anxiety overtakes us, the ‘shoulds’ and ‘should-nots’ may seem even louder. They can easily drown out our sense of self, rock our sense of equilibrium and steal whatever sense of peace we may feel. It becomes easier is do things on auto-pilot, to stomp through life, to hastily tick things off our lists, and hope that somehow, someday, that anxiety will go away.

But will it?

This is what I want to suggest; instead of hitting the fast-forward button, why don’t we try to hit pause.

Pause, and breathe. Pause, and feel. Pause, and savor.

Maybe, just maybe, if we slow down and take the time to live in this present moment, life and all its demands will be that much more manageable.

For me, being mindful is learning to be with my daughter without thinking about my work; and to be at work without worrying about my daughter.

What does being mindful mean to you?

Jolene Hwee