Peacefully Present For Today

Often when the New Year rolls around we get excited about what we want to be different this next year. We generally commit to the same goals that inherently we know will make our lives better and bring us closer to being fulfilled. The problem is that as the days and weeks go by we often return back to our patterns and habits. I think perhaps we get distracted by thinking that completing or arriving at our goals is what will bring us contentment. However, must we really wait that long?

I have been reminded this year that it isn’t necessarily the realization of an aspiration that brings us the change in how our life feels but the way we approach it. We all have goals in our lives that are going to take some time, some patience and perhaps some divine blessing. I think the challenge is to think about how we can certainly be committed to our efforts connected to these achievements but also knowing when we need to be still and patient. Rather than longing for things that perhaps aren’t meant for us now we can focus on the present. We can be aware of all the gifts of today. The blessings in our lives now that we are meant to enjoy, be challenged by and perhaps are preparing us for the goals to be reached in the future. Approaching our lives in this way eliminates all the anxiety and stress we create by trying to force life along. It allows us to be more mindful of what is intended for us today, how that is preparing us for tomorrow and allowing us to grow in ways that prime us for when the time comes for all that we desire.

Jen

Jen Schurman, MA, LPC, is a therapist at The Awakening Center and leads the Monday Eating Disorder Therapy Group from 6:30-8pm, which currently has openings. Jen can be reached at (773)-929-6262 x 20 for more information regarding this group.

"After All, Tomorrow is Another Day"

Well fiddle-dee-dee! We are well into January at this point which is around the time that people begin to forget all about their New Year's Resolutions and settle back into their comfortable ways. For those of you maintaining, congrats! For those of you faltering and feel like quitting, take a deep breath because “after all, tomorrow is another day.”

I bring in this quote from my favorite literary and movie heroine, Scarlett O'Hara, because for all the less than admirable things she did, she had a good motto going. Devoted to rejuvenating Tara and her family, Scarlett had to make big changes that were not always easy to get on board with or implement. In fact, Scarlett failed a lot. She turned her sisters against her after going after their beau's, turned her community against her by not acting like a proper lady and made unethical business transactions that led to even more problems. Still, Scarlett kept up her devotion to making the changes she needed to to keep her life together.

How does this apply to your potentially faltering resolution? Whatever your new years resolution may have been, Scarlett helps us understand that it is okay if you are ready to abandon it or adjust your resolution. Maybe today is not the right day for you to be attacking it. Just because the calendar showed January 1^st does not mean that it is the perfect day for you to resolve to make a change.

Every day is a day to reevaluate and figure out exactly how you can achieve the changes you would like to make and figure out the best plan of attack. If one way is not working, adjust. Listen to yourself and figure out what is the best path for you to take. Not many changes in life have a straight path; that would just make life much to simple, and dare I say kind of monotonous.

Even with all the failure and despite loosing Rhett, Scarlett eventually did achieve her goals by getting herself and Tara back on track. Although I do not suggest her exact methods, I believe her moxie and motivation can definitely be inspiring when feelings of failure arise. Tomorrow is another day and with a little motivation you can achieve the goals you have set for the new year. The path may be rocky, but every day is a perfectly acceptable day to begin your journey or even take a quick break to reevaluate and adjust your goals for change.

Optimistically,

Katie

Katie Infusino is an undergraduate intern from DePaul University. She co-leads the Tuesday night Drop-In Eating Disorder Support Group.

Staying the Course

I’m always amazed by the dizzying array of self-help books available for almost anything you can think of, but they seem to be promoted with peculiar urgency at the start of the year. I was in a bookstore the other day, and there were tables reserved for books with titles such as:

Excuses Begone!: How to Change Lifelong, Self-Defeating Thinking Habits

Change Your Brain, Change Your Body

The Worry Solution: Using Breakthrough Brain Science to Turn Stress and Anxiety into Confidence and Happiness

Transformation

Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life

Love For No Reason: 7 Steps to Creating a Life of Unconditional Love

Lose 10 Pounds in 2 Weeks!

Best You Ever: 365 Ways to be Richer, Happier, Thinner, Smarter, Younger, Sexier, and more Relaxed – Each and Every Day

A pretty optimistic bunch! The common theme, of course, is change: self-improvement – even “transformation” – and the promise of a richer, happier, sexier, and more relaxed life. And they make it sound so simple.

But as we continue the process of looking inward and understanding ourselves more deeply – through meditation, psychotherapy, an exercise program, a yoga practice, etc. – we know that “change” is not often immediate, nor can it be broken down into seven easy steps or two weeks or 365 ways. I know there are books out there that encourage readers to remain mindful, patient with themselves, and to “stay the course” – I only wish such titles were more prominently displayed along with those that promise easy weight loss or sudden confidence.

Real change usually involves some time, experience, setbacks, and a continuous evaluation of behaviors and/or commitment to change. My hope for the New Year is that we allow ourselves time and space to move through our individual processes without frantic expectations or deadlines. Fully and mindfully engaging in the process of change is more rewarding than any “quick fix,” I think.

Luna Sung

Luna is a current intern at The Awakening Center and co-leads a Woman's Body Image group on Tuesday afternoons from 2:30-4pm. She can be reached at (773)929-6262 x 12 for more information.

Breaking Down Resolutions

Happy New Year! Time to change everything about yourself you’re not completely happy with…. but what if it that wasn’t the goal this year. Not that the new year isn’t a good time for self improvement, but what if you were to just pick one area to focus on. I’m suggesting narrowing that list of resolutions down to just one, and then making a list of smaller goals that will lead you to obtaining this resolution. Real change, growth, or development, take time and dedication. Also remember to reward your progress, and not get caught up in challenges or setbacks. Change is not always a linear process but with dedication there will be forward progress. Narrowing the focus of your resolution and creating goals to gauge your progress can help you obtain this years resolution, and not just added it to the list to try again at next year. Whatever change you want to see within yourself this year, have faith in yourself. You can do it!

Peacefully,

Kira Redig

Kira is a master’s level practicum intern from The Adler School of Professional Psychology. She currently leads an Art Therapy group on Tuesday and Thursday evenings, as well as a Women's Body Image group on Tuesday afternoons. If you would like to learn more about the groups or Art Therapy in general, please call her at (773) 929-6262 x13.

Reframing the Holidays

As a child, I never understood why everyone felt that the holidays were a stressful season. At that age, the holidays meant winter break from school, presents, and more time with friends and family. Now, as an adult, I understand why so many people feel stressed during the“most wonderful time of the year,” as the song goes.

An annual event, my clients and I often discuss the holidays, their plans and expectations, as well as past experiences and memories from holiday gatherings. When talking about particular situations, I listen to the words each individual uses to describe the experience or expectation. More often than not, these words carry negative connotations. As a therapist, I often try to work with my clients to reframe such situations by using different words to describe the same situation. Reframing aims to provide a more positive perspective on a situation. Take, for instance, the statement, “I endure the holidays.” The word endure implies hardship and putting up with unpleasantness. I am not saying that people don't encounter unpleasant people or situations during the holidays, but if you approach a situation using different, more positive language, it can help shift your thoughts to be more positive. For example, “I managed the holidays” has an entirely different meaning than “I endured the holidays.” While “endure” implies toleration of the holidays, the word “manage” means to succeed in accomplishing, often despite difficulty or hardship, and gives the speaker more of a sense of power over stressful holiday situations. These small shifts in language help alter people's perspectives.

An example of shifting perspectives can be found in the opening scenes of the movie Love Actually, where friends, family, and lovers are seen reuniting at the airport during the holiday season. Viewers are shown the scenes that make them feel warm and happy, however, we all know that there are probably just as many disgruntled travelers who are bedraggled from missed or delayed flights, and who appear less than thrilled to be arriving into an airport terminal. Yet those negative aspects of holiday travel aren't highlighted in this movie. We can do the same for ourselves by choosing to identify and highlight the enjoyable parts of the holidays, such as catching up with old friends, and reframing negative aspects that come hand in hand with the holiday season, such as crowds when shopping.

Working to reframe experiences and expectations is not easy, however, using more positive language and choosing to think about what we do like about the holidays will lead to more optimistic thoughts and enhanced experiences in general, especially around the holidays.

Katie Anson, MA, LPC
Katie is bilingual (Spanish/English) and sees clients for individual therapy at The Awakening Center. She can be reached at (773) 929-6262 x23.

Creating Your Holiday

The holidays are full of expectations for everyone. We are expected to have a wonderful holiday with all of our family and friends. Usually this includes participating in many extra social activities, giving gifts and intense family interactions. Our internal expectations might tell us that we should be happy and enjoy everyone's company, or something is wrong with me that I'm not enjoying this.

What we don't stop to think about is the holiday activities we have are in addition to all of our normal daily activities. Our life doesn't stop for the holidays. We still have to work, or go to school, pay our bills and feed the dog. Usually, people end up feeling stressed and overextended. They cope by going into overdrive to do everything. But what if you did it differently this year? Instead of feeling overwhelmed, if you took some time to stop and be quiet and listen. Why not ask yourself what is most important to you this holiday? What would you like to see happen this holiday?

Maybe one of your goals is to take care of yourself this holiday. Then build in time for yourself to rest and take care of yourself. This may mean making arrangements with a friend to call each other if family gatherings get to be too much. Let them know ahead of time what your concerns and needs are and how they can best support you. Or maybe there is someone who has been supportive of you this last year that you want to acknowledge? What are meaningful ways you could connect with the important people in your life? Could you write them a note? Make a phone call to let them know how important they are to you? Or just think about what you would like to say to them. Maybe doing acts of service is something you'd like to try this year. How about making a list of all of the things you have to be grateful for this year?

Whatever you choose to do, make it about you and what your vision is for the holidays and not what others tell you it “should” be like.

Maureen McNichols Ed. S, LCPC is an intern at the Awakening Center and a co facilitator of the Tuesday night Eating Disorder Support group. She can be reached at (773) 929-6262 x.12