Meditation Monday: Embracing Impermanence

By Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC

In an effort to take the “manic” out of “Monday,” this weekly post explores techniques, issues, latest research, and other thoughts on meditation. Nancy facilitates a weekly meditation group at The Awakening Center. For more information, contact her at 773.929.6262, extension 17 or nancyhalltac@gmail.com

Sometimes we feel stuck—convinced our suffering will never end. The fact is, our experience is always changing. And even our worst suffering will not—cannot—stay the same. But there are times when we cling to experiences or feelings—we fight impermanence, not wanting to let go. This also leads to suffering as we simply cannot hold onto things that are always changing.

            Change or impermanence does not necessarily mean things are progressing on a straight line. The reality of change is that it tends to be circular, or there is an ebbing and flowing. Sometimes we believe we are stuck in an unwanted emotion or behavior pattern, but if we examine closely, we’ll see there are slight differences—in the behavior, our emotions, our judgments.

            Accepting impermanence allows us to treasure the present moment. Clinging to an experience we simply don’t want to end or despairing that we may emotionally suffer forever takes us out of our bodies and into the trance of thinking. We churn and ruminate. But the world continues to change and evolve whether we notice it or not.

            I created the following imagery to explore the notion of impermanence a bit further.

• Take a moment and imagine that you are in an orchard of trees—and it is spring time. All the trees are in bloom.    
• Move in to one particular tree—notice its blooms
• Notice any emotions or feelings that arise as you look at this flower
• What does it feel like to enjoy this flower even though you know it will drop and die soon?
• Now imagine time has passed and the flower has withered and fallen to the ground
• What emotions arise in you?
• Does your sense of loss come from worry that you’ll never see another flower as beautiful as this one was? Do you know this to be true?
• While feeling the loss, invite yourself to connect to gratitude for having the experience of observing the flower. Connect to the hope that spring flowers will come again.

       Accepting impermanence can be the route to hope. We can accept our pain and acknowledge that it won’t last forever—hope can stabilize us as we cope with the reality of our pain. But judgment and self-criticism stifles hope. So it’s important to have a mindfulness practice so that you can catch yourself going down that rabbit hole.

            Whether you accept it or not, change is a part of the human existence. Embracing impermanence can help you be fully present in your life.

Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC is a staff therapist and the intake coordinator at The Awakening Center. In addition to seeing clients for individual therapy, she leads the weekly meditation group and co-leads the Somatic-Experience-Informed Trauma Healing Group. Check and subscribe out her blog “All Shapes and Sizes,” which appears on Chicago Tribune’s media partner ChicagoNow.com.

Changing "The Game"

Changing "The Game" 
Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC

"Whenever I talk to her, my mom turns every conversation into something about herself. I feel so unimportant, like I'm not good enough."

"I hate it when my dad drinks. He gets so sarcastic, it makes me feel so bad. I avoid going home at all costs, and when I do I'm so uptight that I end up eating too much."

As a therapist I am often asked by my clients how they can stop someone from saying or doing certain things that make them feel bad about themselves. I usually recommend Harriet Lerner's book The Dance of Anger, in which, as I mentioned in the last newsletter, she describes relationships as circular dances, where each person's dance steps perpetuates and reinforces the other person's dance steps. By changing our own dance steps we can change the whole dance.

Deep inside, I know that isn't what they really want. Essentially they are asking me how to change or control the other person. It is very difficult for us to accept that we really, truly cannot change other people, nor can we control anything that they do or say. But, on a lighter note, there is something that we can do to protect ourselves from other people's peculiarities, problems or character traits; what I call "quirks". A long time ago, I invented "The Game" to cope with my family while I was recovering. Everytime I visited my family, I was on guard the whole time, waiting to fend off what I felt was the onslaught of "barbs". Little things everyone did or said drove me crazy, made me feel bad about myself and usually, I ended up turning to some kind of negative behavior on my part. Somewhere in my recovery I decided that I needed to accept the fact that I could not change or control these people. I needed to separate my self and my self-esteem from their quirks. And so, "The Game" was born. When I recently taught "The Game" to one of the groups at The Awakening Center, many of the women were laughing hysterically as I described it to them. The game can be as low key or dramatic as you want to in your mind. You can imagine a game show host and an announcer who may say "Our next contes tant is Mary Smith from Chicago, Illinois!" Then the crowd applauds as you step onto a brightly lit stage with flashing lights and buzzers. The object of the game is to accurately predict in advance what certain members of your family will do; not what you would like them to do or what you think they "should" do, but what you know deep down they really will do. For example, if your father always gets sarcastic if he drinks, your prediction may be that he will make a negative comment after you arrive. Or if your mother turns every conversation into something about herself, you may predict that she changes the subject when you bring up a topic. So before each visit you sit down and list your predictions of what you think will actually happen.

Next, you need to pick a prize if you predicted correctly. It can be something funny such as a trip to Paris, a years supply of pantyhose or a refrigerator/freezer. Or you may choose something nurturing like a long novel. One client paid herself money for each prediction which she then saved up for a massage when she got home.

Now for the "hard part", when you are in the midst of the family visit: you need to remind yourself of "The Game" and of your predictions. It helps to be more objective if you can picture the stage, the lights, the voice of the announcer etc. As the game begins, you anticipate with excitement for your predictions to happen. When your father answers the door with a negative remark, you hear the audience break into applause while bells and buzzers ring to let you know you scored a point in "round one". Instead of dreading your dad's attitude, you can say "Yes! I won a bubble bath!" Rather than being on guard because your mom will talk only about herself, you can actually look forward to it so that you can collect your next prize. (No fair cheating! Offering your father a drink or asking your mom a question about herself is not fair!)

A lot of times people give me real strange looks right about now. "Why would I look forward to my mother's incessant talk about herself? Why should I anticipate my father's attitude?" Because since we have no control over what they say or do, and in reality you know they are going to do it anyway, we can only change how we feel about it rather than let it in and hurt us. We are separating our selves and our self-esteem from their quirks. Eventually you will be able to take these quirks for granted as part of them, not as a reflection of your worth as a person. If my mother talks only about herself, that says something about her, not me. If my father drinks too much, that's his problem, not mine.

By separating from their quirks, you are giving their quirks back to them and not blaming yourself. Their quirks are not your fault, they are not your problem to solve or control, just as their height or their hair color is not your fault or your problem.

The by-product of playing this game is that you accept them as the people they really are, not spend wasted energy blaming them for who they aren't and never will be. You also let go of your own guilt that it somehow is your fault, or that you are to blame.

As their quirks lose their "barbs", you may find as I have that your visits can become more enjoyable. My parents and I have the best relationship now than we ever had. I do not take their quirks personally. And because I have stopped reacting as I did in the past, (as I changed my dance steps and therefore the dance) they don't do their quirks as often and some have even been eliminated. Some quirks I actually find humorous and amusing now. Thus, by changing my own attitude towards their quirks, I accomplished what I wanted in the beginning, a pleasant and meaningful relationship with my parents.

Control...What Is It?

Control...What Is It?
Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC

 

"I am out of control!" "He was trying to control me!" "I have no control!" "I lost control!" "I want to feel in control of my life?"

In my 9 years of practice, the one word that I hear the most is "Control". What is it? Why do so many people want it? How do you get it and use it?

During my first session with new clients, I help them to set goals for the course of therapy. Inevitably they say they want to feel "in control". But when I ask them to define control, they find it is very difficult to define. They will usually say what it is by describing how they do NOT want to feel when they don't have it, "I don't want to feel crazed, like the world is running past me and I can't catch up." or "I don't want to feel like I have no choice, like I just have to do what the other person expects of me."

The Webster's dictionary has many definitions for control: "the power to regulate or guide; to hold back, restrain; to exercise authority over; direct; command". But the control that these clients describe is more elusive than that. It is a feeling of having the ability to regulate and guide your own actions. It is a feeling of confidence and competence that you can handle whatever happens in day to day life. It is also a deep core feeling of strength that you can tap into so that you will feel your life is your own.

I want to make an illustration to help you understand control in a way that makes it attainable. Think of this whole newsletter as the whole World. The big circle is your world. And the small dark circle inside the large circle is all that you can control in the whole world. When you control what is yours to control (the small dark circle) and do not attempt to control what is not yours to control (the big circle or more), then you feel "in control". But when you try to control what is outside the dark circle, you are trying to control what is not yours to control, you feel as if you have "no control". If you do not control what is yours to control in the dark circle, you will feel "out of control". And moreover if you allow someone else to take over and control what is yours to control then you feel "controlled" by them. The combination of all of these different ways of not being "in control" makes people feel intense feelings such as anger, resentment, or anxiety which they then call "losing control".

"Jill" had a habit of never putting gas in her car (not controlling something that was hers to control). Several times on her way to our therapy sessions, Jill called me saying she had run out of gas, feeling very anxious (out of control). Jill's mother used to constantly remind Jill to put gas in her car (letting someone else control something that is yours to control), and Jill would complain to me that her mother was always telling her what to do. "She's trying to control me and my life." I pointed out to Jill how her own behavior reinforced and perpetuated the problem with her mother. Jill realized that by taking back control of the situation, by making sure that her gas tank was always full, her mother was able to back down and Jill again felt in control of her own life.

Another problem is when some people seek control the same as they seek perfection. They think that if they are always in control, then they will never say or do the wrong thing, they will never make a mistake and then bad things will never happen to them. Because they have a hard time not being in control of everything, they tend to overwhelm themselves (lose control) by trying to do too many things, perfectly. It is hard for them to allow others to do things for them, because they often feel that "If you want something done right, then you have to do it yourself." They, also, want to control everything that other people think, say and do, and the thought that other people may have negative feelings or thoughts about them is unbearable.

"Kelly" often found herself feeling out of control. She felt her husband was controlling her. Her husband was an outspoken man and often suggested that Kelly do things a certain way. She would do these things even when she didn't feel like it or want to because she said "He made me do it". She also felt that she could not do things she wanted to because, "He won't let me." My reply was that unless someone has a weapon, they cannot "make you" do anything. We discussed what was controlling her, and she realized that she was afraid to disagree with her husband because he might get angry at her. When we pursued this further, she did not think that he would ever hurt her in any way, but just the thought that he might get angry and be displeased made her feel very anxious. So, her own fear of his reaction to her behavior was what was really controlling her. We worked with the "part" of her who feared anger, so that she could decide for herself whether she wanted to do something or not. If she did want to do something, she did it because she wanted to, not because she felt she had to, or that he was making her. And also, if she did not want to do something, she was able to tell him why and deal directly with his reaction. Surprisingly, most of the time when she said no, he did not react in anger and they were able to discuss what they wanted to do instead. When he did get angry, Kelly was able to soothe that young part within which got scared, so that they were able to discuss it without Kelly feeling like she had to give in. The result was that Kelly felt much less overwhelmed and much more in control of her own life.

When I give the circle example to people, I often get two responses. One is relief. "You mean I don't have to control everything! I just have to control what is mine?" The other reaction is disappointment. "No! If I don't control everything then I will be unimportant! I'll be nothing!" But it is by feeling in control of your own life that you recapture a true feeling of inner power, which is very far from being a nothing.

In my office I have a sampler upon which is stitched The Serenity Prayer, with one small 'revision'. It reads:

God, Grant me the Serenity
To Accept the Things
I Cannot Control,
Courage to Control
The Things I can,
And Wisdom to
Know The Difference.

I wish you Serenity, Courage and Wisdom.

Amy

Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC is the Director and Founder of The Awakening Center. She works with clients individually and in groups to establish balance, cooperation and harmony among their "parts"; and a feeling of calmness, compassion and inner strength from their core "self". She specializes in women's issues especially: eating disorders and body image problems; depression, anxiety, low self-esteem; couples commun-ication and parenting skills; spiritual and personal growth. Sliding fee/Insurance Available.

Change it Up!

Courtney Morris
Change it Up!

I have recently begun to appreciate the importance of switching things around occasionally.  This can be beneficial for our physical, mental, and emotional well beings.  While it can be great to have a routine, as this allows many of us to be productive and consistent in our work and social activities, it is often too easy for us to get stuck in a habitual rut, especially as the temperature starts to drop and we want to bundle up in the warmth of our homes.  The lack of new physical activity and mental stimulation can take a toll on us all.

The cure for this? Simple! Try something new...or perhaps call that friend or family member you rarely speak to anymore but really miss and make a date to catch up.  Or, perhaps try a new activity which makes you a little nervous; extra points for the further you venture out of your comfort zone as this is where the most opportunity for character growth is offered.  What's the worst that can happen?  If you're brave, try doing this once or twice a week for a more exciting life and see where it takes you!

Peacefully Present For Today

Often when the New Year rolls around we get excited about what we want to be different this next year. We generally commit to the same goals that inherently we know will make our lives better and bring us closer to being fulfilled. The problem is that as the days and weeks go by we often return back to our patterns and habits. I think perhaps we get distracted by thinking that completing or arriving at our goals is what will bring us contentment. However, must we really wait that long?

I have been reminded this year that it isn’t necessarily the realization of an aspiration that brings us the change in how our life feels but the way we approach it. We all have goals in our lives that are going to take some time, some patience and perhaps some divine blessing. I think the challenge is to think about how we can certainly be committed to our efforts connected to these achievements but also knowing when we need to be still and patient. Rather than longing for things that perhaps aren’t meant for us now we can focus on the present. We can be aware of all the gifts of today. The blessings in our lives now that we are meant to enjoy, be challenged by and perhaps are preparing us for the goals to be reached in the future. Approaching our lives in this way eliminates all the anxiety and stress we create by trying to force life along. It allows us to be more mindful of what is intended for us today, how that is preparing us for tomorrow and allowing us to grow in ways that prime us for when the time comes for all that we desire.

Jen

Jen Schurman, MA, LPC, is a therapist at The Awakening Center and leads the Monday Eating Disorder Therapy Group from 6:30-8pm, which currently has openings. Jen can be reached at (773)-929-6262 x 20 for more information regarding this group.

"After All, Tomorrow is Another Day"

Well fiddle-dee-dee! We are well into January at this point which is around the time that people begin to forget all about their New Year's Resolutions and settle back into their comfortable ways. For those of you maintaining, congrats! For those of you faltering and feel like quitting, take a deep breath because “after all, tomorrow is another day.”

I bring in this quote from my favorite literary and movie heroine, Scarlett O'Hara, because for all the less than admirable things she did, she had a good motto going. Devoted to rejuvenating Tara and her family, Scarlett had to make big changes that were not always easy to get on board with or implement. In fact, Scarlett failed a lot. She turned her sisters against her after going after their beau's, turned her community against her by not acting like a proper lady and made unethical business transactions that led to even more problems. Still, Scarlett kept up her devotion to making the changes she needed to to keep her life together.

How does this apply to your potentially faltering resolution? Whatever your new years resolution may have been, Scarlett helps us understand that it is okay if you are ready to abandon it or adjust your resolution. Maybe today is not the right day for you to be attacking it. Just because the calendar showed January 1^st does not mean that it is the perfect day for you to resolve to make a change.

Every day is a day to reevaluate and figure out exactly how you can achieve the changes you would like to make and figure out the best plan of attack. If one way is not working, adjust. Listen to yourself and figure out what is the best path for you to take. Not many changes in life have a straight path; that would just make life much to simple, and dare I say kind of monotonous.

Even with all the failure and despite loosing Rhett, Scarlett eventually did achieve her goals by getting herself and Tara back on track. Although I do not suggest her exact methods, I believe her moxie and motivation can definitely be inspiring when feelings of failure arise. Tomorrow is another day and with a little motivation you can achieve the goals you have set for the new year. The path may be rocky, but every day is a perfectly acceptable day to begin your journey or even take a quick break to reevaluate and adjust your goals for change.

Optimistically,

Katie

Katie Infusino is an undergraduate intern from DePaul University. She co-leads the Tuesday night Drop-In Eating Disorder Support Group.

Staying the Course

I’m always amazed by the dizzying array of self-help books available for almost anything you can think of, but they seem to be promoted with peculiar urgency at the start of the year. I was in a bookstore the other day, and there were tables reserved for books with titles such as:

Excuses Begone!: How to Change Lifelong, Self-Defeating Thinking Habits

Change Your Brain, Change Your Body

The Worry Solution: Using Breakthrough Brain Science to Turn Stress and Anxiety into Confidence and Happiness

Transformation

Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life

Love For No Reason: 7 Steps to Creating a Life of Unconditional Love

Lose 10 Pounds in 2 Weeks!

Best You Ever: 365 Ways to be Richer, Happier, Thinner, Smarter, Younger, Sexier, and more Relaxed – Each and Every Day

A pretty optimistic bunch! The common theme, of course, is change: self-improvement – even “transformation” – and the promise of a richer, happier, sexier, and more relaxed life. And they make it sound so simple.

But as we continue the process of looking inward and understanding ourselves more deeply – through meditation, psychotherapy, an exercise program, a yoga practice, etc. – we know that “change” is not often immediate, nor can it be broken down into seven easy steps or two weeks or 365 ways. I know there are books out there that encourage readers to remain mindful, patient with themselves, and to “stay the course” – I only wish such titles were more prominently displayed along with those that promise easy weight loss or sudden confidence.

Real change usually involves some time, experience, setbacks, and a continuous evaluation of behaviors and/or commitment to change. My hope for the New Year is that we allow ourselves time and space to move through our individual processes without frantic expectations or deadlines. Fully and mindfully engaging in the process of change is more rewarding than any “quick fix,” I think.

Luna Sung

Luna is a current intern at The Awakening Center and co-leads a Woman's Body Image group on Tuesday afternoons from 2:30-4pm. She can be reached at (773)929-6262 x 12 for more information.

Breaking Down Resolutions

Happy New Year! Time to change everything about yourself you’re not completely happy with…. but what if it that wasn’t the goal this year. Not that the new year isn’t a good time for self improvement, but what if you were to just pick one area to focus on. I’m suggesting narrowing that list of resolutions down to just one, and then making a list of smaller goals that will lead you to obtaining this resolution. Real change, growth, or development, take time and dedication. Also remember to reward your progress, and not get caught up in challenges or setbacks. Change is not always a linear process but with dedication there will be forward progress. Narrowing the focus of your resolution and creating goals to gauge your progress can help you obtain this years resolution, and not just added it to the list to try again at next year. Whatever change you want to see within yourself this year, have faith in yourself. You can do it!

Peacefully,

Kira Redig

Kira is a master’s level practicum intern from The Adler School of Professional Psychology. She currently leads an Art Therapy group on Tuesday and Thursday evenings, as well as a Women's Body Image group on Tuesday afternoons. If you would like to learn more about the groups or Art Therapy in general, please call her at (773) 929-6262 x13.

Developing a Stronger Sense of Self

Where is your favorite place in your home? What is your favorite restaurant? What is your favorite activity to do outside? What about inside? Where is your preferred vacation destination? What is one of your favorite meals? What is your favorite movie? What about your least favorites of all of the aforementioned?
In order to answer these and other similar questions, you need to know yourself and be able to identify what you like and what you don’t like. How do you figure these things out? Many people, myself included, are experiential learners. You learn by doing and experiencing things first hand – visit the place, watch the show, taste the food, participate in the activity. Learning by doing can be unnerving. It’s scary to try something new. The lack of familiarity and the uncertainty of the outcome can be a strong deterrent.
When I first started stepping out of my comfort zone, I felt uneasy and extremely nervous. I over-thought these novel situations and wondered what other people thought of me when they saw me. I felt incredibly self-conscious. However, during each of these experiences I learned something about myself. Despite my discomfort, I knew I was benefiting because I was developing a stronger sense of self, and although I sometimes didn’t feel up for it, I continued to push myself beyond my comfort zone, which was slowly expanding.
Change often occurs when trying something new, and as a result, experiential learning often generates change in some way. Pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone brings the challenge of adjusting to change, which can seem daunting. Nevertheless, with repetitive practice, your comfort zone gradually expands, bolstering self-awareness, as well as a concrete sense of self.
It’s completely normal to feel uncertain and to lack self-confidence. I encourage you to build a stronger sense of self by stepping outside of your comfort zone to try new things. Luckily, the word try doesn’t mean permanent, but is defined as more of a test, to examine something such as a situation or yourself. Although I still sometimes feel nervous when trying new things, I’m not nearly as timid as before. Consequently, I’m able to confidently convey my likes and dislikes, and if I am unsure of my response, I realize that I just have some more self-exploration to do.
Katie Anson, MA, LPC

Katie is Spanish-English bilinqual and sees clients for individual therapy at The Awakening Center. She can be reached at (773) 929-6262 x 23.

Spring Cleaning

I tackled my closets this weekend and began the process of a serious spring cleaning mission. I have been thinking about all the areas of the house that so quickly get disorganized, stuffed and just messy. So this was the weekend to get down to business.

I began in the guest room by beginning to go through my spring clothes and packing away the winter clothes. Very quickly I realized how big this job was going to be and that this wasn’t really going to be a relaxing Saturday. I was amazed at how much stuff I was hanging onto that I hadn’t even used or frankly knew was there. So I know the rules about if you haven’t used it in a year get rid of it! But what was keeping me from letting go? Is there really the chance that all my clothes will be dirty someday and I just may need another t-shirt? Is there really the chance that clothes from ten years ago will be in style? How many towels does one home need?

So regretfully I began the toss pile and once I got started it felt good! How nice to be able to close a closet without shoving in falling shoes. How nice to hope a guest doesn’t happen to look in that drawer. So on a very simple level I am loving the result of my hard work. Clean closets, more space, less clutter. The thing that’s funny is that I truly am a clean person. Everything to the eye looks shiny, picked up and clean. Just don’t open my closet or drawers! It got me thinking about the many areas of our lives that we allow to get stuffed, cluttered and just plain messy.

What keeps us hanging onto what we don’t need? What gets in the way of living with more simplicity? What does it mean to not give enough attention to the hall closets and pantry shelves of our lives? Obviously the spring cleaning got me thinking a bit deeper than making room in my tiny Chicago closets. It made me think about how many times we get stuck in life in not giving certain areas of life and ourselves the attention we deserve and require. How often we are nagged by certain areas of our lives that are filled with chaos or clutter yet we shove the door shut and pretend the mess isn’t there. What a relief to take stock, sort through the disaster, make decisions and have nothing hiding or needing to be covered.

It was such a joy to look at my closet this morning and have no mess in sight! I made a resolution to keep it this way and continue sorting. I still have more areas to conquer and maintain but that clean closet gives me motivation. So I hope this notion of spring cleaning inspires you to also roll up your sleeves and perhaps tackle whatever needs to be tidied up a bit. Likewise it may be a good reminder to check in with ourselves and think about what emotional clutter may be getting in the way of us living with more simplicity, freedom and peace of mind. What a nice treat to come back home to a place that invites us in and has nothing to hide.

Warmly,

Jennifer Schurman, MA, LPC

"Delighting in Fall"

Besides Psychotherapy, another passion of mine is astronomy! We just experienced the Autumnal Equinox – the day when the Sun crosses the equator and the day and night are equal in length. Whenever we experience an astronomical event, I think about early humans. I wonder what they were thinking when the sun was lower in the sky and the days were shorter. Were they frightened of the changes they couldn’t understand? Even modern humans have fears of change, especially of the unknown. Jen Schurman helps clients explore the dynamics that lead to a greater sense of self-awareness. You’ll hear this self-awareness in her Blog article as she “notices” the changing seasons.

Namasté,

Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC

“Delighting in the Fall”

I’m a summer girl. I love the lake, the sand, the sun, the warm weather and flip flops. So I got to thinking as I found myself ignoring the signs that fall is surely on its way. What is it about the change in this season that is so difficult? Surely there is something nice about the changing colors on the trees, a brisk breeze while on a walk, apple cider and even football games. But appreciating the fall means letting go of all I love about the summer and looking forward to what lies ahead. The changing seasons is a reminder of the endless changes that we face in our lives.

I often encourage clients to think about changes in their lives. We talk about preparing for change, observing change, and even delighting in change. But it often takes quite some time before the process of change actually begins. So often we say things like, “But I’m comfortable here,” or “I can’t wait for this part of my life to just be over so I can get where I want to be” or “It’s impossible to make sense of what this time is really for.” Although the season ahead may be what we truly desire, many things are required to be left behind. In order to savor the present season we need to leave the comfort, safety, and familiarity of the previous season behind. No wonder it’s difficult to get moving. The shifting from one season to the next requires a belief that the coming season has exciting, fulfilling, challenging, and new purposes for us.

The movement from one season to the next dares us to let go of the old and welcome the new. It challenges us to trust that regardless of where we are in life or what situations may be happening, there is something essential for us about this time. Savoring each season involves us being in the present moment and not living for yesterday or tomorrow but right now. I know that when I remind myself to be mindful and pay attention there are so many things I notice that typically get overlooked. I notice a child’s carefree laughter, I notice the stranger that just gave me a warm smile, I notice how difficult the moment is and that I’m actually getting through it, I notice what I love about this time in my life, I notice what I need…I notice. So often all of these little moments in life get disregarded and we feel like we are just rushing through the days.

The challenge of being present for each season in our lives does not discount the fact that there are some that are more pleasant than others. There are seasons we will look back on with lovely memories and seasons we will long to put behind us. The importance is being able to fall away from the safety of the last season and eagerly anticipate what lies ahead, for this is how we truly grow. There is a great transformation that occurs in our lives as we realize that regardless of the season we can handle it. That in each season there is something intended for us, something for us to know, learn, challenge or even a joy to simply revel in. In each and every season we have the gift of the strength within us.

So as I pack my beach bag and flip flops I am challenging myself to enjoy the bright red hues of the changing leaves and get comfortable in my favorite sweater. I know that although it can be difficult to move from a season I love, surely the one to come has much potential and promise. Perhaps Ralph Waldo Emerson says it best, “What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside you.”

Jen Schurman, MA, LPC

(773) 929-6262 x 20