The moment called "Now"

Have you ever noticed all of the strange thoughts that pop into your mind all day long? Some are pleasant, others not so much. Some are loving, some are not. Some are patient, some are not. Some are brief and some are frequent. It is easy to allot different values to each one- to praise myself for having a compassionate thought or scold myself for being impatient. And then to scold myself for having a negative thought following the scolding.

In the end each thought is only that- a thought. It is I who makes the ultimate decision whether or not to follow it with a behavior, to give power over to it by letting it consume me (by feeling bad for a while for having wished the person in line in front of me would make a quicker decision, for example). Then one might make the leap from thoughts to beliefs- because I had an impatient thought, I am an impatient person, and being impatient is “bad” so I am in the wrong.

This is when it is important to take a step back. Mindfully observing thoughts is like sitting back and watching the clouds pass, without judgment. No single thought, impulse, urge, or desire is who you are. I can let them come and go without getting caught up in them. I don’t need to cling to or ruminate on any of them. I can simply let them be, coming and going as they will (and they will).

I like to take note of particular thoughts and challenge them. When I feel the need to hurry, I challenge myself to move slowly and notice each small movement and ask myself what I am rushing away from. When I feel a strong desire to get off the phone, I challenge myself to listen to the person speaking and ask myself why it upsets me. When I feel angry that someone said something, I try to find forgiveness and ask if I have ever said something similar. Then forgive myself for what I said.

Sometimes a whole conversation will come and go and I will notice I missed what the person said. A whole drive home but I can’t remember what songs were on the radio. A whole day but I can’t remember what I did before work or what my boyfriend wore. Getting lost in our thoughts means that we are not fully experiencing the present moment. A whole day spent in worry and frustration over planning how I will get through all the tasks I have to do this month or what I forgot to do last month. We have this feeling of a vast past lying behind us and a vast future of things to do and see with just this tiny grain of sand we call the present moment separating the two. The truth is all we have is this vast, never ending, constantly fruitful moment called NOW.

Did you notice how the lathering soap felt on your hands or how sweet the squirrels chasing each other around a tree were today?

Warmly,

Christine McRice

Christine is a TAC intern. She co-leads the Tuesday night ANAD support group.

Simplify

“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.” Hans Hofmann

When thinking about the many challenges of recovery and living an authentic, fulfilled life the idea of simplicity came to mind. This may seem to be the very opposite of our tendency as often we think that building a life that is fulfilling must be complex and complicated. To be happy, satisfied and content we often get trapped in the overwhelming thoughts of all that we must accomplish or change. We get stuck in all the noise of what we don’t know or what must be figured out. “Well when I get that to do list checked off I’ll feel better” or “As soon as I get my degree and get started on the career path I desire I will feel better” or “When I finally get to travel and get away I’ll feel better.” We focus on the future, the things we must do and all that needs to get done.

What if what would make us content and at peace is an option now? What if it is possible to have fulfillment and happiness while we work on ourselves and continue marching forward? So often we are taught and told that there are things and ways to feel happy. We are sold the lies that when we conquer our fears, when we find that relationship, when we have more money, when we buy that thing we will have happiness. The problem is we keep trying these paths to happiness and peace and they all end up as dead ends. We keep looking for the magic answer that is going to give us what we desire and we are continually disappointed until we start looking in a new direction. In.

We look for things outside of ourselves to fulfill us, define us, or take away the discontent. We make things more complicated that they need to be and think happiness has to wait while we figure it all out. What would happen if we slowed down, quieted down the noise and looked inside? What could our day look like and feel like if we chose to listen to ourselves and all the answers that already lie within? Trusting this place inside ourselves certainly takes time and practice but there is so much knowledge if we just slow down and look inside.

When we look inside and focus on what we know, what needs to be heard and how we are feeling we can truly move forward in a way that is going to feel fulfilling. We may not feel the peace, happiness or comfort immediately. But at least it gives us the chance to begin building a life based on a true sense of satisfaction. By focusing on this moment and just simply taking the next right step for ourselves we get back to looking inwards. There is a powerful, intuitive, and infinite knowledge we all have inside that we often deny and trade for the promise of external solutions that guarantee eventual satisfaction.

My hope is that we can all begin slowing down our days, finding ways to connect to that internal knowledge, and trust all we have inside to bring happiness. We often need to be reminded to quiet all the noise so we can truly hear the significant and meaningful choices that can bring the peace and joy we all desire. Taking time to pause and appreciate the simple pleasures in our lives can give us a sense of stillness and tranquility that allows the many insights we desire to emerge.

Warmly,

Jen Schurman, MA, LPC

Waiting for the Life You Envision

Growing up, I had a general timeline in mind – a vision of what I assumed my life would look like as I aged and how I would feel over the course of the years. I imagined going to college, meeting life-long friends and making memories, working my dream job, falling in love with “The One,” and eventually having a family. I thought that this would all happen in an orderly manner, similar to the predictability of a Disney movie storyline.

As a teenager, I reasoned that an event would occur, such as going to college, which would effectively signal the start of my personal Disney storyline. I recall being in high school and seeing college kids who had returned home for the holidays. They seemed so much older and wiser. However, when I went off to college, I pretty much felt the same as I had in high school. Since college didn’t seem to be the event that triggered the start of my timeline, I suspected that graduation would signal the start of my Disney story. Again, I didn’t feel much difference having earned a bachelor’s degree and I certainly didn’t feel like I was following my timeline.

Shortly thereafter, I was reflecting on the numerous events that had taken place in my life that I had not envisioned as part of my timeline and I realized that while I was waiting for my storyline to begin, my life was already happening. My timeline had begun a long time ago, but I’d had difficulty recognizing this because my life wasn’t exactly how I’d envisioned it would be. With this new understanding, I was able let go of my preexisting timeline and I became much more accepting of the path that my life had taken. I had been so preoccupied by the milestones on my timeline that had yet to occur that I’d completely disregarded the events that had happened, such as going to college. Since I spent so much time waiting for my timeline to begin and a lot of time thinking about what hadn’t happened, I wasn’t focused on what was currently going on in my life. I’ve found that focusing on and staying present takes practice.

With the beginning of a new year, I encourage you to reflect back on all that’s taken place during the prior twelve months. Note the twists and turns that veered far from the familiarity and safety of any preexisting timeline. Think about events that did not meet your expectations. Without judging yourself and your decisions, contemplate what you might have done differently. Then, let stressful incidents melt into your memory and appreciate each as a learning experience. Try, also, to let go of any preconceived notions for the New Year. Instead of dwelling on the past or waiting for the future, focus on appreciating where you are currently. This will allow for greater understanding and acceptance of where your unique path has brought you up to this very point in time.

Warmly,

Katherine Anson, MA, LPC

Road Trip, Anyone?

Many people have an activity or a ritual that they find relaxing, therapeutic, etc. This could be anything from sitting in a bubble bath to sky diving. Recently a friend of mine mentioned that she had engaged in an activity that she found surprisingly relaxing: a good old fashioned road trip. She said, “It felt as good as going to therapy!” With the tough economic times and the holidays around the corner, this year many people are traveling by car to see loved ones. The hustle and bustle of the holidays can be chaotic, but that does not mean the journey to your holiday destination also has to be stressful. Below are some ideas on how to make that holiday road trip a more enjoyable one.

As In Life, Know Your Destination (Keep it Attainable)

I know a couple who are both teachers and they enjoy camping. Every summer they pack up their car and set out to an undetermined destination. They bring their gear and an atlas and set out on the open road wondering where their next stop will be. I think this couple’s story is a unique case, one that may give some people anxiety or make another person very happy. One variable this couple has in their favor is time. I would imagine many people have a limited amount of time on how long they can travel for the holidays. They would like to make the most of their winter break. With that being the case, before setting out for a road trip it is best to know the destination and how to get there. If the destination and the route are pre-determined, it will help alleviate some stress while traveling. As in life, deciding what the goal is can be the first step in determining which “road” to take. The more tools a person has (an atlas, GPS, directions, etc) the less chance they have of getting lost. If there is a detour in the road, he/she will be better prepared to continue on his/her journey .This can also be similar in life, when setting out to complete a goal it can be easier to achieve if a person has the “tools” of a strong support system, a relaxed state of mind, etc. to help meet his/her goal.

Keeping a road trip destination attainable was a subject my husband and I learned early on in our relationship. We realized our average limit of being in the car together was three hours although since then it has been stretched to eight to ten hours depending on how exciting the destination is (i.e., Yankee Stadium, Grand Canyon). There have been times starting out on a road trip where my excitement clouds my thinking into believing sixteen hours in the car is possible for one day. On the other hand, there are some road warriors out there who may not think twice about being in the car for half the day. This philosophy can also be applied when it comes to setting life goals; sometimes breaking down a long term goals into a handful of short term goals feels more realistic and less overwhelming. My point is to know what feels reasonable and comfortable for the length of the road trip destination to avoid burn out before you reach your halfway point. (Some people spend half their day in the car and the idea of a road trip sounds dreadful, this is when we are thankful for airplanes). I have discovered the more excited I am about a trip the longer I may feel comfortable in the car. The comfort of a road trip may also depend on the company with you in the car.

Travel Companions: Friends or Foes?

My friend (who I mentioned at the beginning of this post) said one of the reasons her road trip was an enjoyable one was because of who was with her in her car: her boyfriend of five years. She said the last few weeks before the road trip were really busy for her because she finishing up graduate school. She and her boyfriend had hardly seen each other. The road trip gave them a chance to really talk without any distractions; the hardest decision of the day was picking out an audio CD. This is an example of how a road trip can help you escape the monotony of everyday life and spend quality time with loved ones.

Not everyone has experienced pleasant road trips; I have heard some traveling horror stories (i.e. driving in a packed mini van with the in-laws during a snowstorm). Travel vehicles are tight quarters and they may seem even smaller when traveling with a less than ideal companion. This flashes me back to a time when my family and I were taking a road trip to Myrtle Beach. Before we were even out of the driveway, my sister and I “drew” an imaginary line down the middle of the back seat to “mark” the territory the other person could not cross. Am I suggesting the next time you are on road trip with your mother-in-law you tell her she cannot cross over the middle seat? No. It may be nice to be accommodating to all travelers (including yourself). Try taking turns being co-pilot, choosing radio stations, picking lunch spots, etc. This may improve the less than ideal travel conditions if everyone can pick something they find comforting while in the car. You may find yourself in a similar situation in life, working with people you do not particular care for or family members that drive you nuts. This is an example of trying to make the most of a situation by doing some compromising. This brings me to the next topic. If you do not have an ideal travel companion at least you can have cool accessories to help make the trip more tolerable.

Road Trip Necessities: Pleasant Conversation, Soulful Tunes, and A Book on CD……..

As I mentioned above, there are many “tools” to help make a road trip more enjoyable. My family and I would play a game similar to the Book of Questions. We would each take a turn asking each other life questions.

· What would you do if you won the lottery (my mom’s favorite)?

· If you could invite four people (dead or living) to your dinner party, who would they be?

· If you had to listen/watch to the same song (movie, TV show) the rest of your life, what would it be?

· Would you rather be invisible or have the ability to fly?

· If you were stranded on a desert island what five things what would you want with you? Which five people?

· If there was a movie about your life, who would you cast to play you?

I think if we would have attempted this game at home, it would not have lasted as long. Some one may get up from the table or would have to be somewhere else. Since we were stuck in the car together for a lengthy amount of time, it forced us to get creative. We also had an opportunity to get to know each other on a different level. Without playing this game, I am not sure if I would have known that my dad would like to dine with Abraham Lincoln. The next time you are on a road trip, try turning down the radio and turning up the conversation. I think you will be pleasantly surprised.

I will also confess that my musical tastes have been expanded, thanks to our family road trips. I know many words to songs from Les Miserables, Phantom of the Opera, Miss Saigon, etc. My mom would always explain the stories and messages behind the musicals before we listened to the soundtracks so we had a better understanding of the music. I would bet my bottom dollar I would have left the room or turned up my Walkman (I was born in the 70s) if my mom or dad would have put those tunes on at home. To prevent show tunes overload, each family member would be given a chance to play their own music (as long as it did not blow out the speakers or mention profanity). Needless to say, my parents benefited from this rule. This can also be done with audio CD’s. My friend who had the positive road trip experience said that she and her boyfriend picked out a bunch of audio CDs of books they have been meaning to read. She said it was a great way to catch up on their reading and a chance to discuss the book with someone.

Taking the Road Less Traveled

I noticed a common theme when I am in the car; I am always trying to get to my destination as fast as I can. As I mentioned in the second paragraph, road trips can be much more enjoyable when time is on your side. Also, I do not consider sitting in traffic on the Kennedy for two and half hours a road trip even though it may take the same amount of time. The last road trip my husband and I were on was from Phoenix to Flagstaff, AZ. It was recommended to me by a fellow intern that if time allowed we should take the (longer) scenic route through Sedona, AZ. We were pressed for time to make a family party, but we decided to take the suggestion. See the picture below of what we would have missed if we took the faster route. Being on this mini road trip helped me to stop and slow down and to “smell the roses”, by taking in the gorgeous scenery. In the future, I hope I can apply this philosophy to other areas of my life.

DISCLAIMER: I am not suggesting a road trip is a substitute for therapy. I think a road trip can be an enlightening experience.

Kristy Hatch is a practicum intern student at The Awakening Center. She co-leads the ANAD support group on Tuesday evenings & can be reached at (773) 929-6262 x 12.

“Your Holiday Toolbox”

So here we are, smack in the middle of the holiday season- that 6-week period between Thanksgiving and New Year’s. How are you doing in this stressful time? Are you reeling from that Thanksgiving dinner and hoping to make it through Christmas unscathed? Are you counting down to when life returns to normalcy? Or are you embracing each challenge that this holiday season brings with quiet determination and clarity of thought?

The New York Times published an article entitled “Duck! It’s the holidays” (by Joyce Walder, Nov 18, 2009) that relates the story of Eric Marcus, a 51-year-old NYC writer who invited his mother to Thanksgiving dinner at his home. Despite the wide array of food prepared by professional cooks that were also guests at this gathering, she complained loudly about the lack of a sweet potato dish. Marcus felt that this was just typical behavior on her part as she often found a way to be disappointed no matter the situation.

“Suddenly I’m 12 years old and we are someplace when she says something inappropriate and embarrassing yet again,” Mr. Marcus said in the article. “All her life, she has a habit of saying negative things.”

Does this sound oh so familiar to you? The holidays, with all their revelry and celebration, are often a minefield of negativity for many families. By merely bringing so many family members together, the holidays often trigger age-old family dynamics that have their roots in childhood. No matter if you are 50 or 15, you might find yourself in that caretaker or mediator or rebel or parent role just one more time.

If you have an eating disorder, the holidays might be so distressing to you that you might find yourself resorting to old and destructive ways of relating to food. There is just something about the magnetic pull of family dynamics that sees many of us engaging in old and unhealthy coping mechanisms that we thought we had grown out of.

For me, I know that whenever I face an interaction with my family, be it a mere phone call, a casual dinner or a Christmas party, I have found it useful to take some active steps to ensure that I can take care of myself should the old triggers reappear. Some steps include:

1) Plan, plan, plan: Prepare for potentially triggering situations by talking about your fears and insecurities with a therapist or with a good friend. You might want to draw up a game plan with several constructive things you can do if a distressing situation occurs. If you have an open and cooperative relationship with your family, you might want to send them an email in advance to politely request that they avoid talking about or doing certain things that might distress you.

2) Fill up your toolbox: You want to bring a variety of coping skills to the family dinner table so that you have healthy alternatives other than what you are so used to doing. You might want to write down several self-care activities that you know will be effective in soothing you- walking a walk, bringing a good book, updating your playlist with your favorite music are all good options. Sometimes, when these aren’t possible (maybe you can’t walk away from the dinner table) taking a good, deep breath helps a ton.

3) Lastly, be kind to yourself. If you do find yourself engaging in old patterns of behavior, try to really let it go and forgive yourself. It is important, when you fall, to recognize the fact that your past efforts and that the holidays are a really difficult time for almost everyone.

So for this holiday season, I wish you a time of healthy eating and healthy thought, and a time of non-judgment and self-acceptance.

Jolene Hwee is a master's level practicum intern from Northwestern University.

* The NYT article can be found at
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/19/garden/19manners.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&sq=duck!%20its%20the%20holidays&st=cse&scp=1

Un-Inspired

What dreary weather! How hectic the stores! And don't even mention traffic! Anne Riley, the art therapy practicum student from the Adler School of Professional Psychology, has hit it right on the head with her blog article: "Un-inspired." Let's see if we can find a little Inspiration to help carry us through the rest of the year.

Namasté,

Amy Grabowski

"Un-Inspired"

Un-inspired. How many times has this occurred in one’s life? How is one able to see a way to alter this feeling? How might one’s viewpoint change if un-inspiration takes place? What does the word uninspired even mean? Has all passion been lost when one gets to this point? What is it that makes one un-inspired?
So many questions come to mind; thoughts go circling around and around and still….nothing. How might we come to this place of not having inspiration to do what may be asked of us to do? Could it be pressures in life or stress to find perfection? It seems as though we are searching too hard to find the solution or that “right “ thing that needs to be created or thought of. A strong sense of being stuck comes to our attention and then, more questions arise. It seems as though it is a vicious cycle. We take a walk, we search for answers in the wind, we seek friends and family, we look for signs that could change our behavior or thoughts of being in a lull.
The emotions that come up once we fall from being inspired, are one’s of hopelessness, wonder, and disappointment (along with many others not mentioned). To many of us, it can be a scary thing to have to sit and wonder what could possibly be holding us back from showing our creativity or intelligence or enthusiasm for a particular answer. We tend to beat ourselves up for not having the capability to come up with an explanation for the way in which we go through being un-inspired. When we have needed inspiration, where is that we typically look? Is it others whom we look to or other outside forces besides our self? Whatever or wherever these “answers” to our inspiration may be hiding it makes no difference we just want to know what it is that we may do to find them.
Maybe the reason for being un-inspired to what we would like or need is so we may find ourselves alone. This place isn’t always the top on our list to be, especially a way to find a solution. It is not often that we neither have nor even want the time to simply sit with ourselves; to just be, to just listen to what it is we need. Many times the lack of inspiration comes from us getting out of touch with ourselves. This isn’t always the case, but many times if we look a little bit deeper and sit with ourselves a little bit longer, we find what it is we were looking for.

On the other hand, letting ourselves just be lost in the un-inspired moment is an all right place to be. It isn’t as though we have “thrown in the cards” or given up, but it’s a way to let us see that we will not always have what we need or are looking for and that this may arise from losing touch with our selves. If we could take the pressure off and just sit with whatever it is we need or are feeling, we may be able to find our selves again. The inspiration to achieve what it is we want may take time; sometimes all we need is a little bit of patience to be able to see what it is we really are searching for. Our un-inspired selves will slowly transform back into the creativity and thought that we are capable of having. It is a matter of knowing that we may not always have this at the tip of our fingers (or toes), but to look within ourselves for inspiration to come, no matter the situation.

Anne Riley

A Vision of Healthy Eating

Often times in my sessions with clients I spend a lot of time talking about the idea of normal eating. Everyone has their unique idea of what normal eating is but often times they have a hard time articulating what “normal” looks like. A client of mine who has been trapped in a vicious cycle of eating disorder behaviors for several years felt inspired one evening and wrote the following piece “Vision of Healthy Eating”. When I read this piece for the first time I was taken aback by how vivid her vision is and I felt that many of our clients at The Awakening Center would benefit from her story.

I want to thank this client, who will remain anonymous, for her insight, strength and willingness to share her vision of Healthy Eating.

Thank you,
Jennifer Reiner MS, RD, LD

A Vision of Healthy Eating: A Vision of Fullness

In this vision, my life is full of color and stimulation from people, from my job, from art, from God. In my vision, I feel full, full of fire, full of peace, full of love. I wake up in the mornings rested and hungry for new experiences. I am hungry for love, sex, music, nature, dancing, laughing, crying, hugging, stretching, plunging into water, turning my face toward the sunlight, letting my voice flow out of my mouth joining the music that my friends and I are making. I am full of quiet, full of breath as I look at people I love. My body feels hungry too. I honor my body’s hunger for food--sometimes sweet, salty, sometimes bitter and sharp. I taste green growing things. I sink my teeth into rich grains and meats. I listen to my body as I eat, feel my stomach expand, pay attention to flavors and textures on my tongue. When I eat, I am at home with friends, at the park, sitting at a café. I thank God for sustaining me as I eat. I recognize that just like my life is not perfect, my food will never be perfect. I am honest with myself about what I need when different kinds of needs arise. Sometimes I may eat with exuberance with friends--sometimes I may choose a food simply because it comforts me or reminds me of something or sometime worth remembering. In my vision of healthy eating my body is an equal partner with my soul and I strive to make them work in concert. This is a vision that I am excited to work for day by day.