Put on Your Own Oxygen Mask First

By Erin Stitzel, MA, LPC

Have you ever found yourself in situations in life where things just don't seem to be going your way? Perhaps you are in a relationship that is more draining than nourishing. Or, your job makes you feel like a robot who just shows up day after day, not really emotionally or mentally invested. You may have friends or acquaintances in your life who seem to be energy vampires; they are more adept at taking than giving. Why do we tolerate these situations? What is it about our conditioning that keeps us from saying "Yes!" to happiness, joy, and thriving?

            Perhaps we grew up in families, cultures, or societies that value selflessness and putting others first. To be sure, giving and care for others are honorable and valuable qualities. They allow us to have empathy and connect deeply with others. However, a recent conversation with a client of mine revealed the following wisdom: If we don't take care of ourselves first, and cultivate a healthy and loving relationship with our Self, then we have no Self from which to give and care for others.

            "In the event that our cabin loses pressure, an oxygen mask will fall down from above you. Secure your mask first and then assist others." So, how can we begin to cultivate this loving relationship with our Selves? How can we shift our paradigm to one that is inclusive and understanding? The following guidelines can serve as gentle reminders to move you onto the path of taking care of your Self.   

1. If it feels wrong, don't do it.
2. Say "exactly" what you mean
3. Don't be a people pleaser.
4. Trust your instincts.
5. Never speak badly about yourself.
6. Never give up on your dreams.
7. Don't be afraid to say "no."
8. Don't be afraid to say "yes."
9. Be kind to yourself.
10. Let go of what you can't control.
11. Stay away from drama and negativity.
12. Love.

(Source livelovefruit.com)

These sound so simple, but you may find that as you go about working on these for yourself, it feels easier and more natural to extend these principles to others. As with many things in life, just keep at it. Practice makes possible. So what do you think? Ready to put on your oxygen mask?

Erin Stitzel, MA, LPC, is a staff therapist at The Awakening Center. She co-leads the Adult DBT group and the Teen/Family DBT group. Erin is specially trained in Internal Family Therapy (IFS), Person-Centered Therapy, and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy. 

I am a garden, not a landfill.

A few years ago, I found myself getting slowly pulled into a world filled with what I like to call “Junk food Journalism”. I was continually turning to media sources that were laced, if not fully entrenched, in sensationalism. Readers were attracted through shocking and catchy titles, and then led on a journey through bias, gossip, and creative license. I categorized it as entertainment. I thought, “What possible harm will this cause? I simply enjoy the frivolous and vacuous stories”. It felt like a temporary escape.

However, over time I noticed that I was spending less of my free time on things substantive, and was more frequently turning to these “news” sources. Strangely, I also slowly began to feel a disconnect to things I once found important in my life. I even felt a little empty inside.

One day as I was walking my dog through our neighborhood, I noticed several beautiful spring gardens that were beginning to fully blossom. The thought just popped into my head that, “I am a garden, not a landfill”. It became very powerful to me that I had a choice to either dump loads of shallow and empty thoughts into my head, or I could carefully select and plant thoughts and information that would grow and blossom into something beautiful and meaningful. The latter thought was instantly more appealing.

Since this transformative moment I have found great pleasure in planting this garden in my mind. Over time it has expanded from thoughts and information into choices and actions. When given an option of a news source, or a leisure activity, or even a plate of food I now quietly say to myself, “I am a garden, not a landfill”. More often than not I find myself planting something that will have the opportunity to grow into greater joy, peace, and wellness.

Erin Stitzel is an interning therapist at The Awakening Center. She is a Masters student at Northeastern Illinois University and will graduate and gain licensure in August of 2012. She specializes in eating disorders, depression, anxiety, trauma, and grief. She runs the Saturday Eating Disorder Recovery Drop In Support Group at TAC on Saturday mornings from 10-11:30am. For more information please call 773.929.6262 (ext.12).

"Delighting in Fall"

Besides Psychotherapy, another passion of mine is astronomy! We just experienced the Autumnal Equinox – the day when the Sun crosses the equator and the day and night are equal in length. Whenever we experience an astronomical event, I think about early humans. I wonder what they were thinking when the sun was lower in the sky and the days were shorter. Were they frightened of the changes they couldn’t understand? Even modern humans have fears of change, especially of the unknown. Jen Schurman helps clients explore the dynamics that lead to a greater sense of self-awareness. You’ll hear this self-awareness in her Blog article as she “notices” the changing seasons.

Namasté,

Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC

“Delighting in the Fall”

I’m a summer girl. I love the lake, the sand, the sun, the warm weather and flip flops. So I got to thinking as I found myself ignoring the signs that fall is surely on its way. What is it about the change in this season that is so difficult? Surely there is something nice about the changing colors on the trees, a brisk breeze while on a walk, apple cider and even football games. But appreciating the fall means letting go of all I love about the summer and looking forward to what lies ahead. The changing seasons is a reminder of the endless changes that we face in our lives.

I often encourage clients to think about changes in their lives. We talk about preparing for change, observing change, and even delighting in change. But it often takes quite some time before the process of change actually begins. So often we say things like, “But I’m comfortable here,” or “I can’t wait for this part of my life to just be over so I can get where I want to be” or “It’s impossible to make sense of what this time is really for.” Although the season ahead may be what we truly desire, many things are required to be left behind. In order to savor the present season we need to leave the comfort, safety, and familiarity of the previous season behind. No wonder it’s difficult to get moving. The shifting from one season to the next requires a belief that the coming season has exciting, fulfilling, challenging, and new purposes for us.

The movement from one season to the next dares us to let go of the old and welcome the new. It challenges us to trust that regardless of where we are in life or what situations may be happening, there is something essential for us about this time. Savoring each season involves us being in the present moment and not living for yesterday or tomorrow but right now. I know that when I remind myself to be mindful and pay attention there are so many things I notice that typically get overlooked. I notice a child’s carefree laughter, I notice the stranger that just gave me a warm smile, I notice how difficult the moment is and that I’m actually getting through it, I notice what I love about this time in my life, I notice what I need…I notice. So often all of these little moments in life get disregarded and we feel like we are just rushing through the days.

The challenge of being present for each season in our lives does not discount the fact that there are some that are more pleasant than others. There are seasons we will look back on with lovely memories and seasons we will long to put behind us. The importance is being able to fall away from the safety of the last season and eagerly anticipate what lies ahead, for this is how we truly grow. There is a great transformation that occurs in our lives as we realize that regardless of the season we can handle it. That in each season there is something intended for us, something for us to know, learn, challenge or even a joy to simply revel in. In each and every season we have the gift of the strength within us.

So as I pack my beach bag and flip flops I am challenging myself to enjoy the bright red hues of the changing leaves and get comfortable in my favorite sweater. I know that although it can be difficult to move from a season I love, surely the one to come has much potential and promise. Perhaps Ralph Waldo Emerson says it best, “What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside you.”

Jen Schurman, MA, LPC

(773) 929-6262 x 20