Meditation Monday: Reflections on the Summer Games

By Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC

In an effort to take the “manic” out of “Monday,” this weekly post explores techniques, issues, latest research, and other thoughts on meditation. Nancy facilitates a weekly mindfulness group at The Awakening Center. For more information, contact her at 773.929.6262, extension 17 or nancyhalltac@gmail.com.

The start of the Summer Olympics in Rio coincided with some time I had off from work. So, needless to say, I tuned in ready to cheer on the US’s athletes.

I enjoy watching these elite athletes and am always struck and impressed by their stories of hard work and persistence. Each was born with a natural talent or genetic advantage—I’m looking at you, Michael Phelps, and your long arms and insane lung capacity—but no one gets to this level of competition without hard work.

Of course, the downside to watching these games is that those gremlin voices inside our heads can get triggered: “She’s only 19 years old and look how much she’s accomplished! You’re clearly wasting your life.” Or “That guy overcame poverty and oppression and look what he can do! What are you complaining about? You’re clearly weak.”

Those gremlins are most often fired up by the stories we tell ourselves. To these parts, admiring the achievements of Simone Biles inevitably leads to self-doubt and shame at our meager accomplishments.

But, our inner wisdom knows there is room for all stories. The record-breaking performance of Katie Ledecky does not cast a shadow over achievements in work, school, or recovery. We can find inspiration in the stories of resilience without belittling ourselves.

So when you’re judgmental gremlin part gets loud in your head, try the following:

1. Gently remind yourself that the judgmental gremlin is just a Part—not your whole Self.
2. Reflect upon what the gremlin Part wants you to know. All our Parts have good intentions. Often, the judgmental Parts say things like “I want her to accomplish her goals so she’ll be happy!” What does the gremlin Part worry will happen if it doesn’t berate you?
3. Lean into the gremlin Part with compassion. I know—that seems counterintuitive. Why would you want to lean into something that berates you? Because while the execution might be misguided, the gremlin Part is trying to help.
4. Consider what the gremlin Part needs from your inner wisdom to help it feel less worried. Then, what do you need from the gremlin.

Use your meditation practice to connect to your inner wisdom so you can gain objectivity and perspective on the judgmental gremlin. Breathe, and let yourself move into a place of compassion and curiosity. Who knows. You might just make friends with your gremlin.

Enjoy your practice.

Meditation Monday: Thinking About Thinking

By Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC

In an effort to take the “manic” out of “Monday,” this weekly post explores techniques, issues, latest research, and other thoughts on meditation. Nancy facilitates two weekly meditation groups at The Awakening Center. For more information, contact her at 773.929.6262, extension 17 or nancyhalltac@gmail.com

On a recent New Yorker podcast, Patricia Marx describes becoming reacquainted with archery. According to her instructor, the key is to clear one’s mind from thoughts. Apparently, an expert archer focuses on the intended target, allows it to penetrate completely into the mind, removes all semblance of thinking, and lets the arrow fly. Marx wasn’t particularly successful, unless you count the near bulls-eye she got—on her neighbor’s target. She described not being able to quiet her thoughts and commented, “This is why I’m terrible at yoga.”

Many mistakenly believe that practicing meditation means removing thoughts from the mind. But psychologist and meditation teacher Tara Brach has a different perspective on thinking. According to Brach, we cannot stop or control thoughts, but we can develop a different relationship with them. She states, “Thinking is a very good servant but a very bad master.” We need our thoughts—that’s how we do stuff.

But to be mindful, we need more than thinking. The thinking mind can turn us toward mindfulness. But it can keep us caught in dead-end loops. Judgment, ruminations, obsessions. To fully experience life, we need to use thinking as a tool, not as the only way of being in the world.

Brach offers the following exercise to bring mindfulness to thoughts. 

• Close your eyes and take a few breaths to center yourself and come into the present moment.
• For the next few minutes (set a timer if you like), count your thoughts. Just as each one enters into your mind. There’s a thought. There’s another one. Just notice and number them.

How was that? How many thoughts did you count? Can you identify which type of thoughts you had? Worrying? Planning? Judgmental? Thoughts about thoughts? Were they visual or audio? Moving images or stills?

Brach reminds us that thoughts are not reality. Just as feelings are not facts, thoughts are thoughts—they are not truth. We do not have to identify with the thoughts. But we also cannot—nor should we—try to remove them from our mindfulness practice. Notice, identify, and label. Acknowledge the thought instead of resisting it so you can move through it continue to deepen your awareness.

Enjoy your practice.

Meditation Monday: Is Intention-Setting a Setup for Judgment?

By Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC

In an effort to take the “manic” out of “Monday,” this weekly post explores techniques, issues, latest research, and other thoughts on meditation. Nancy facilitates two weekly meditation groups at The Awakening Center. For more information, contact her at 773.929.6262, extension 17 or nancyhalltac@gmail.com

If you’ve ever been to a yoga or meditation class, you probably have been asked to set an intention for your practice. The idea is to create a vision for yourself—to add some agency. Meditation in particular can feel like a passive activity and setting an intention can shift this.

However, what happens when the intention becomes a distraction? And what about when you don’t “measure up” to your intention? Judgement. Self-criticism.

For some, intention-setting in meditation can shift the focus from the present to the future. It can turn the practice into a results-oriented endeavor. Which is why I like to offer my group participants an alternative.

“Take a moment to welcome yourself into your practice.”

There is a sneaky intention there—to come into the present. Whenever we welcome ourselves into a moment or activity, we orient ourselves to the present. And we take ourselves out of the sidelines. We open the door to full participation and it becomes harder to be a passive participant in our own lives.

Welcoming yourself can take a variety of forms. It might be mentally noting what you’re doing--“I’m at work now.” “I’m am talking with my friend now.” You might also observe what’s happening in your body—“My stomach has a knot.” “My palms feel tingly.”

Sometimes the story we tell ourselves about our lives can create a barrier to coming into the present moment. If we’re ruminating about what the boss thinks, focusing on the tasks at hand become even more difficult. However, acknowledging what you’re doing in that moment takes you out of your head and into your life.

So take a moment to welcome yourself into your day.

Enjoy your practice.

Meditation Monday: When the World Falls Apart

By Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC

In an effort to take the “manic” out of “Monday,” this weekly post explores techniques, issues, latest research, and other thoughts on meditation. Nancy facilitates two weekly meditation groups at The Awakening Center. For more information, contact her at 773.929.6262, extension 17 or nancyhalltac@gmail.com

In recent weeks, I’ve had several clients express embarrassment over talking about their own feelings and problems when the world around them seems to be on fire. Suddenly, they feel that their worries are small—even insignificant.

The violence and hatred cast long and heavy shadows over everything. But this is not new. Throughout history, humans have shown that they are capable of unspeakable acts. It is an unfortunate reality of our existence. Yet, we don’t exactly know why. Evil? Psychosis?

What we do know is that people don’t cause suffering unless they’re suffering themselves. A perfectly content, accepting, and peaceful person does not decide to murder police officers or tourists.

And acknowledging this suffering does not excuse the horrific behavior. It does, however, give us a context. Which leads me back to my clients. Each person who comes into therapy or attends a group has decided to take responsibility for his or her suffering. So while the fight with a partner or struggle at work might feel petty, processing those battles helps calm the discontent that poisons the world around us.

Many find reflecting on the world’s events can help them realize their own problems are manageable. But we can also be good at using these crises to dismiss ourselves. “People are suffering in Syria—who cares about my body image issues?”

Unfortunately, suffering is not a zero-sum game—there is plenty to go around. But there is also plenty of healing, kindness, and peace to go around too. While your pain might feel small—it isn’t. And each step toward healing yourself heals the world.

Enjoy your practice.

Meditation Monday: Lessons from a Busted AC

By Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC

In an effort to take the “manic” out of “Monday,” this weekly post explores techniques, issues, latest research, and other thoughts on meditation. Nancy facilitates two weekly meditation groups at The Awakening Center. For more information, contact her at 773.929.6262, extension 17 or nancyhalltac@gmail.com

The air conditioning at The Awakening Center has not been working for nearly two weeks. And when I say not working, I mean dead, kaput, get out the bugle and play “Taps.” And it’s been hot here in Chicago. Needless to say, my reaction to this hasn’t been the most gracious.

I actually like summer. But I do not like to be hot indoors. There is something about it that makes me feel sort of cornered. It’s hard to describe. I get antsy and distracted. I fantasize about driving around with the AC on max. I look for a reason to go to a grocery store so I can loiter in the frozen foods section. Being outside in hot weather is different from being inside. It just is.

I know—first-world problem. I have lived without AC and survived it just fine. But it took a recent group and time with my clients to help me gain some perspective and get my sweaty head out of my own…well, you know.

During the most recent meditation group, the window was open and fans were on high. Birds sang as I led the group through a progressive relaxation. As we processed the meditation, one participant noted how once her eyes were closed, she felt like a kid again. The gentle whirring of the fans and the street sounds took her back to summertime from her childhood. Days spent playing and then napping when the heat became overwhelming. She remembered lying on the couch, pulling her hair up off her neck, hoping for a little relief.

These were not days without stress or worry. But she was able to connect to moments of presence. When time seemed to stand still as the sweat rolled down her temple. To a time when acceptance was the only option when it came to summer heat.

I realized then that fighting the heat just made me feel more uncomfortable. The more I worried about my melting makeup, my sagging humidity-laden hair, or whether I put on enough deodorant, the more disconnected I became. Yes, it’s been hot and stuffy and sticky and stinky—all of that. But so what. It’s also been vibrant and alive—which is wonderful.

Oh, and a new AC is on its way thank goodness!

Enjoy your practice.

Meditation Monday: Accepting the Unexpected

By Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC

In an effort to take the “manic” out of “Monday,” this weekly post explores techniques, issues, latest research, and other thoughts on meditation. Nancy facilitates two weekly meditation groups at The Awakening Center. For more information, contact her at 773.929.6262, extension 17 or nancyhalltac@gmail.com

We all know the stereotype of a meditation practice—sitting with pretzel legs, eyes closed, palms on knees with middle finger touching the thumb. And that is a perfectly fine way to meditate. But for those who don’t think they can sit too long in that position, there are plenty of other options. Take, for instance, a tea meditation.

A meditation focusing on tea can take many forms. The idea is to mindfully attend to each step along the way—boiling the water, listening to the sound the water makes as you pour it into the cup, feeling the warmth, watching the tea steep, inhaling the aroma, savoring the taste. Each step stimulates a different sense.

And you can have some fun with the tea options. In a recent meditation group at The Awakening Center, we sat and mindfully watched Peach Momotaro blossoming tea as it unfurled in hot water. Well, sort of.

As the group leader, I wanted the experience of watching the tea bloom to be awe-inspiring. I imagined the participants being moved by the display. Needless to say, my anxiety was triggered when the tea didn’t cooperate. The tea bundles floated for a while … kind of looking like dead fish. It took all my will power to not start poking at them or jostling the vessel.

Eventually, they began to painfully slowly open up. And they were pretty. Just not spectacular.

 And that was OK. The joy of the meditation was finding our patience and acceptance. The purpose was to provide a focal point and sensory experience for the participants—not to impress them with my miraculous tea display. The light fragrance was wonderful and the peach flavor was subtle but enjoyable.

Once I let go of my own expectations, I was able to admire the blossoms as they were. Experiences like a tea meditation help us let go and accept the beauty in how things are—not as we wish they would be.

Enjoy your practice.

Meditation Monday: The Toxic “What if?”

By Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC

In an effort to take the “manic” out of “Monday,” this weekly post explores techniques, issues, latest research, and other thoughts on meditation. Nancy facilitates two weekly meditation groups at The Awakening Center. For more information, contact her at 773.929.6262, extension 17 or nancyhalltac@gmail.com

When my son was little, he was full of questions. Most of them started with “What if?” “What if dinosaurs could be brought back to life?” “What if trucks could fly?” “What if dogs could talk?” He asked these types of questions so often that the “What if?” became “Whuf?” “Whuf it snows tomorrow?” “Whuf worms had ears?”

I loved his unending sense of curiosity and wonder. As adults, we’re often inclined to ask our own “What if?” questions. But much of the time, we’re less curious and more worried or even accusatory. “What if I eat that cookie and can’t stop?” “What if I get fat?” “What if I am unlovable?”

Whereas my son’s “Whuf?” questions seemed contained and information driven (do worms actually have ears?), our “What ifs?” are more sinister. We don’t seem to be seeking an answer. Instead we’re going down the rabbit hole that gets darker and darker.

When a client starts down this path, I like to stop and actually try to answer the question. What if you can’t stop eating cookies? What does that really mean? Do you mean you might eat 2 instead of your carefully allotted 1? Who says you’re allowed only 1? What if you’re hungry for 2?

Or do you mean you’ll eat the whole package if you allow yourself just 1? If so, there is something to be explored there. No crime. Nothing to feel guilty about. But a signifier that pain is present. Does eating the package of cookies provide distraction from emotional suffering?

By answering the “What if?” question, we can get to the root of the fear that triggers the next “What if?”

The toxic “What ifs?” are usually asked by one of our Parts—the Bully who is preparing you for the worst-case scenario. Or the Exile who is simply terrified. But through the compassion and curiosity of Self, you will most likely find that the answer to the “What if?” is not nearly as scary as you thought.

Enjoy your practice.

Meditation Monday: Finding Your Thundersnow Moment

By Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC

In an effort to take the “manic” out of “Monday,” this weekly post explores techniques, issues, latest research, and other thoughts on meditation. Nancy facilitates a weekly meditation group at The Awakening Center. For more information, contact her at 773.929.6262, extension 17 or nancyhalltac@gmail.com

A former coworker and I used to joke that if The Weather Channel’s Jim Cantore shows up in your town, it’s time to take cover. He always seems to be where the weather is the worst—and he loves it. I’m a big fan of Jim Cantore. He obviously loves, loves, loves his job, which is best depicted in his “thundersnow” moment.

He could not contain the joy that he felt during the thundersnow. And how delightful is that. Jim Cantore was fully present and in the moment. No self-consciousness…no apologies for his response…just Jim Cantore being, well, vulnerable.

We all have our sources of thundersnow—those experiences that completely push aside self-doubt and self-judgment. Our thundersnow moments might be when we connect fully to contentment and inner peace; or they might be when we fully feel the grief over a lost loved one. But we cannot experience these moments if we don’t allow ourselves to open to them.

Jim Cantore opened up more than his mind to the thundersnow. He felt it from the tips of his toes to the top of his head. We can be very good and isolating our experiences to our thoughts. We cut off our bodies and our connection to everything becomes blunted.

When you notice an emotion or event, what happens in your body? What does the experience feel like from head to toe? How do you mute yourself and what are the consequences of that?

But with mindfulness practice we can begin to connect to our own thundersnow moment. You deserve moments of unfiltered joy and celebration too.

Enjoy your practice.

Meditation Monday: Your Authentic Self

By Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC

In an effort to take the “manic” out of “Monday,” this weekly post explores techniques, issues, latest research, and other thoughts on meditation. Nancy facilitates a weekly meditation group at The Awakening Center. For more information, contact her at 773.929.6262, extension 17 or nancyhalltac@gmail.com

In helping clients find their core, inner wisdom, we often start by taking an inventory of their values. What matters to them? How do they define “right” and “wrong”? In listening for the answers, some discover their values do not align with their parents’ or upbringing. This can be disconcerting but at the same time freeing.

Meditation allows you to reflect upon whether what you’ve been told you think, feel, or believe actually meshes with your true self. By quieting the chatter in your mind, you can begin to connect more fully with what you know to be true about yourself.

Many who struggle with eating disorders grew up in or currently live in invalidating environments. If you feel that there is something deeply wrong with you, then to fit in—or remain part of the pack—you might try to change yourself. Or, to cope with the shame, you might seek numbing or distracting behaviors.

The road out of that suffering, is to learn to validate yourself. And to validate yourself, you have to know yourself. And to know yourself, you have to listen to what your inner wisdom tells you about how you think or feel or what you believe.

A helpful visualization is to imagine you’re standing in an open room and that all of the masks you wear or defenses you carry are stripped away one by one. Who is left standing? What does that person value? What is that person like?

You might begin by being an outside observer of yourself. With compassion and curiosity, see if you can notice what motivates you? What inspires you? Then, invite yourself to step into this person—what does it feel like to be present without the masks? What does it feel like to embody your values?

You might not feel safe taking this embodiment out into the real world, but using meditation to get to know your true inner self will move your journey forward.

Enjoy your practice.

Meditation Monday: A Story Left

 By Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC

In an effort to take the “manic” out of “Monday,” this weekly post explores techniques, issues, latest research, and other thoughts on meditation. Nancy facilitates a weekly meditation group at The Awakening Center. For more information, contact her at 773.929.6262, extension 17 or nancyhalltac@gmail.com

In the Tuesday night meditation group, I like ending the practice with a poem. I feel like this gives the right brain a little bit extra to chew on even when the meditation is over. In the most recent group, I shared the poem “Deciphering the Alphabet” by Francine Sterle. Descriptions of animal tracks, weather, and terrain remind us that our lives are always changing. This is the good news and the bad news. Whatever is happening now—joy, suffering, pain, happiness—only exists in the present and will eventually become something different. Perhaps the joy will become deeper. Or hopefully the pain will subside. But the sweet may turn bitter.

This is the double-edged sword that can both encourage and undermine hope. We do have a say in this process though. We are not simply passively waiting to see what shape our experience will take. Our suffering can either deepen or be relieved because of our choices.

About halfway in the poem is this stanza that I was particularly struck by: 

Everything that moves leaves a story. No story
            can exist by itself.

 Upon the first reading, I misread the first sentence as “Everything that moves has a story.” But notice Sterle uses the word leaves.

This critical stanza places the impermanence of nature within a context—we are not alone. Everything that moves—which is, well, everything—leaves traces or remnants. Our actions affect others—thus the importance of the word leaves.

Our experience of meditation parallels this poem. It differs each time we close our eyes and begin deeply breathing; and the practice may change from moment to moment. But with it, we also create and then leave a story.

As you move through our life, what story do you wish to leave?

Enjoy your practice.

Meditation Monday: Opening the Heart

 By Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC

In an effort to take the “manic” out of “Monday,” this weekly post explores techniques, issues, latest research, and other thoughts on meditation. Nancy facilitates a weekly meditation group at The Awakening Center. For more information, contact her at 773.929.6262, extension 17 or nancyhalltac@gmail.com

Meditation often brings relaxation to the body. Jaws and fists unclench; brows become smooth. And something new experiences can happen when the shoulders loosen--the heart opens up.

We often carry our burdens in our shoulders. Without even realizing it, they creep closer and closer to the ears. This tension-related shrugging also pulls the shoulders forward, drawing the area around the heart back. The shoulders bear our burdens and protect the heart.

At the weekly meditation group at The Awakening Center, before embarking on any guided imagery, I take participants through a progressive relaxation of the body. This is so important because if the body is held in a state of “readiness” and hypervigilance, the meditation experience becomes very narrow. We cannot allow our awareness to expand if we’re in a defended posture. Additionally, important information can be gathered by noticing which body parts don’t soften so easily. What is being communicated? What needs extra kind attention?

When we get to the shoulders, I usually instruct participants to allow them to gently drop down and back. Allowing the shoulders to loosen down releases the burden. Slightly back opens the heart area. While this opening of the heart might be challenging and sometimes downright unsafe in the “real” world, I hope that the group is a safe place to experiment with the experience.

Folks who have experienced hurt and trauma heal through building a sense of safety. Within the group, they can practice opening the heart—even just a little bit—without worrying that it will be stomped. They learn to trust their instincts and can begin opening the heart to loved ones—and even to themselves.

Enjoy your practice.

Meditation Monday: Listening

By Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC

In an effort to take the “manic” out of “Monday,” this weekly post explores techniques, issues, latest research, and other thoughts on meditation. Nancy facilitates a weekly meditation group at The Awakening Center. For more information, contact her at 773.929.6262, extension 17 or nancyhalltac@gmail.com.

The human brain is a wonder. With it, we can do algebra, learn to drive, and figure out how to make cauliflower palatable. But so much of our energy is taken up by the thinking part of the brain. Rumination. Worry. Obsession. Thinking becomes a dream-like state. A trance.

This trance can become a barrier that isolates. Our ability to take in data becomes impeded. Our bodies from the neck down seem separate from our minds.

Meditation can help us awaken from that trance. By breathing and intentionally connecting to the sensations in the body, we begin to gather new information. Your thinking part may tell you that going on that second date is a good idea, but in the meantime, your stomach is in knots.

Psychologist and meditation leader Tara Brach teaches that the first step in opening up the experience is to listen. Listen not only with the ears but with the whole body. Allow yourself to receive the information that is churning through your body from the inside out. 

• Listen to sensations: Is there twisting, tightening, loosening, fluttering, and so forth?
• Listen to emotions: Happy, sad, afraid, angry? How are these emotions expressed in the body?
• Listen to the sounds actually present: What sounds are in the room? Outside the room? Notice the space between sounds. Receive sounds that are actually present instead of listening to the chatter in your head. 

We have so much information available to us if we just listen fully. This is not easy, I know. Thinking and ruminating can be a defense mechanism for some. Trauma or intense emotions can make listening to the body feel unsafe. It’s OK to go at your own pace—start small by checking in with one neutral part of your body. Feel your feet against the floor. Listen to the sounds outside for 60 seconds.

Take these steps with gratitude.

Enjoy your practice.

Meditation Monday: Grappling with Forgiveness

By Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC

In an effort to take the “manic” out of “Monday,” this weekly post explores techniques, issues, latest research, and other thoughts on meditation. Nancy facilitates a weekly meditation group at The Awakening Center. For more information, contact her at 773.929.6262, extension 17 or nancyhalltac@gmail.com

Psychologist and meditation teacher Tara Brach, PhD, writes extensively about forgiveness, a topic I’ve had a hard time really understanding. It’s not that I don’t believe in it or accept its value, I just resist the notion that forgiveness is easy to experience. But Tara’s writings and guided meditations help provide an entry point.

Tara starts with bringing a mindful attention to the heart area. She asks us to become aware of the state of the heart right now—the felt sense and direct experience of sensations at the heart. What is present in that moment? Openness? Tightness? Numbness? The idea is to become aware of the sensations around the heart without judgment.

We can then begin to explore how the heart is connected to our own sense of being and how we feel connected with others. Do we have a sense of belonging?

You can bring to mind a few key people from your life and sense the degree of connectedness or separation that you are aware of. Tara posits that the gateway to unconditional love is to begin to investigate where we’ve created separation in our lives. What allows us to include or exclude others from our hearts?

A path to allowing the heart to open is through forgiveness. A forgiving heart can let go of the armor that sustains separation.

Forgiveness is not saying “what you did was OK.” You might decide to never see someone yet not exclude him or her from your heart. Forgiving is the movement of your own heart from past to present.

After becoming present with the state of the heart, you can then reflect on where you feel unforgiven by others. Whether intentional or unintentional, we have all acted or spoken in ways that left others feeling unseen. In reflecting on these situations, we can give the wound our attention. We can allow the other person’s hurt to register. And then we can ask for forgiveness.

“I see the pain I’ve caused you now and I ask that you forgive me.”

Tune in to whether you will allow yourself to feel forgiven. Is it possible to receive forgiveness? Where are you having a hard time forgiving or accepting yourself for something? See if you can sense underneath whatever feels unforgivable to see what was driving you. Fear? Confusion? Hurt?

See behind the action with perspective. See vulnerability or suffering that might have led you to cause suffering. When you sense that, begin to offer yourself forgiveness in the same way.

“I see and feel the pain I’ve caused myself and I forgive myself.”

Many find that when they stop punishing and blaming themselves, they begin to see the causes and conditions that cause suffering.

Widen the circles of forgiveness to include someone you feel has hurt you. Every one of us has felt betrayed, violated, rejected. Sense where this is true for you and where your heart is feeling armored.

Forgiveness can be a lifelong process, and yet in any moment that we enter with sincere intention, the armor begins to crumble. Depending on the violation or your feelings about it, you might want to work with your therapist so that you feel safe and grounded. But you can allow yourself to see the person and the offense; you can see your wound and lean into that pain with kindness and tenderness.

Sense the compassion that is holding your own heart and then widen your perspective so you can look with clear eyes at the person who hurt you. See if you can look past the mask to see the hurt or fear that might be driving him or her. Your deepest wisdom knows that when we’re not suffering, we don’t cause suffering. Sense the possibility of extending forgiveness.

“I see and feel the pain you’ve caused me and I forgive you now.”

If you’re not quite ready, you might say something like “it’s my intention to forgive you.”

Tara Brach helps explore forgiveness without minimizing or suppressing the wound. We actually have to open our hearts to the pain to create space for forgiveness. And I find comfort in that paradox.

Meditation Monday: Replacing Illusions with Values

By Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC

In an effort to take the “manic” out of “Monday,” this weekly post explores techniques, issues, latest research, and other thoughts on meditation. Nancy facilitates a weekly meditation group at The Awakening Center. For more information, contact her at 773.929.6262, extension 17 or nancyhalltac@gmail.com

When we examine our coping behaviors, how many are truly reliable? Or even actually helpful for that matter? We often take refuge in behaviors or habits that we believe give us control or comfort. But when we can step back and connect to our own clarity, we realize that we’re believing in an illusion.

Instead of giving true comfort or control, many behaviors leave behind shame and regret; self-compassion becomes difficult. The need for comfort and soothing remains present and we turn to our old habits. Then more shame, and the cycle continues

But the short-term rewards of unhealthy coping behaviors seem so great; the desire to numb, distract, disconnect, soothe. The needs at the core of these urges are never quite satisfied. Instead, cravings remain, triggering behaviors, triggering more cravings, and so on.

The urges and cravings take up space in thoughts and feelings. As you begin to connect to your deep wise self, what can you place at the center of your life? What gives you true comfort, soothing, peace?

Take a moment and connect to a behavior or belief that has caused you suffering yet it still takes up a prominent position within you. Perhaps it’s not at the center, but it might be a behavior or belief that seems hard to live without

How have you relied on this behavior? Whether it’s an addiction or compulsion, have you clung to it? What are the consequences?

Check in with your body to notice if any tension or stress has crept back in. Re-engage with your breathing—let it anchor you.

Now, take a moment to ask yourself, what matters to you? What inspires you?

Where are you able to experience stillness…compassion…curiosity…peace?

As you experience the calmness of this moment, ask yourself, what can you truly put your trust in? God as you understand? Nature? Goodness of people? Yourself? A combination?

Whatever that looks like to you, allow yourself to connect to that trust. Where can you turn when you suffer? Where do you go to find your values?

Again, there is no right answer. And the image might not be clear—just let the possibility exist. If you are not sure where you can turn to find values or trust, see what it feels like to turn somewhere…even if you don’t have a clear idea of where that is.

This We Have Now

This we have now
is not imagination

This is not
grief or joy

Not a judging state,
or an elation
or sadness

Those come and go.
This is the presence that doesn’t.
--Rumi

Meditation Monday: Embracing Impermanence

By Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC

In an effort to take the “manic” out of “Monday,” this weekly post explores techniques, issues, latest research, and other thoughts on meditation. Nancy facilitates a weekly meditation group at The Awakening Center. For more information, contact her at 773.929.6262, extension 17 or nancyhalltac@gmail.com

Sometimes we feel stuck—convinced our suffering will never end. The fact is, our experience is always changing. And even our worst suffering will not—cannot—stay the same. But there are times when we cling to experiences or feelings—we fight impermanence, not wanting to let go. This also leads to suffering as we simply cannot hold onto things that are always changing.

            Change or impermanence does not necessarily mean things are progressing on a straight line. The reality of change is that it tends to be circular, or there is an ebbing and flowing. Sometimes we believe we are stuck in an unwanted emotion or behavior pattern, but if we examine closely, we’ll see there are slight differences—in the behavior, our emotions, our judgments.

            Accepting impermanence allows us to treasure the present moment. Clinging to an experience we simply don’t want to end or despairing that we may emotionally suffer forever takes us out of our bodies and into the trance of thinking. We churn and ruminate. But the world continues to change and evolve whether we notice it or not.

            I created the following imagery to explore the notion of impermanence a bit further.

• Take a moment and imagine that you are in an orchard of trees—and it is spring time. All the trees are in bloom.    
• Move in to one particular tree—notice its blooms
• Notice any emotions or feelings that arise as you look at this flower
• What does it feel like to enjoy this flower even though you know it will drop and die soon?
• Now imagine time has passed and the flower has withered and fallen to the ground
• What emotions arise in you?
• Does your sense of loss come from worry that you’ll never see another flower as beautiful as this one was? Do you know this to be true?
• While feeling the loss, invite yourself to connect to gratitude for having the experience of observing the flower. Connect to the hope that spring flowers will come again.

       Accepting impermanence can be the route to hope. We can accept our pain and acknowledge that it won’t last forever—hope can stabilize us as we cope with the reality of our pain. But judgment and self-criticism stifles hope. So it’s important to have a mindfulness practice so that you can catch yourself going down that rabbit hole.

            Whether you accept it or not, change is a part of the human existence. Embracing impermanence can help you be fully present in your life.

Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC is a staff therapist and the intake coordinator at The Awakening Center. In addition to seeing clients for individual therapy, she leads the weekly meditation group and co-leads the Somatic-Experience-Informed Trauma Healing Group. Check and subscribe out her blog “All Shapes and Sizes,” which appears on Chicago Tribune’s media partner ChicagoNow.com.

Meditation Monday: How We Make Our Suffering Worse

By Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC

In an effort to take the “manic” out of “Monday,” this weekly post explores techniques, issues, latest research, and other thoughts on meditation. Nancy facilitates a weekly meditation group at The Awakening Center. For more information, contact her at 773.929.6262, extension 17 or nancyhalltac@gmail.com

While on a family road trip, I developed a nasty cough. My husband started the trip with a bad cold and he worried that he had passed it along to me.

            “Are you getting my cold?” he asked.

            “Nope. it’s allergies.” I insisted

            The next day:

            “Are you sure you’re not getting sick.”

            “Positive. Allergies.”

            As you’ve probably guessed, I was getting sick. In fact, when we got home, I was diagnosed with bronchitis. But when the coughing started, I did not want to admit that I was sick. I convinced myself that somehow I could will the sickness away. That almost never works.

            I’m not sure if anything would have turned out differently if I had acknowledged that I was getting sick. Would I have rested more or consumed more fluids? Maybe. Did I make myself sicker by not doing these things? Hard to say. But I certainly did myself no good by denying the reality of the situation.

            We create this sort of secondary suffering with emotional pain as well. Someone hurts our feelings; we deny, resist, or minimize our sadness or anger; the pain only intensifies.

            Everyone experiences pain—physical or mental pain. If you stub your toe, you experience physical pain; if someone says something unkind, you experience mental pain. These are examples of primary suffering. We can get caught up in pushing away or avoiding the pain. Maybe we blame ourselves or others. This makes the pain worse, which is secondary suffering.

            What would happen if we accepted the primary pain when it occurs? What if we didn’t get stuck in avoidance or obsession but instead mindfully accepted the pain that is present for what it is?

            When we engage our tools of distraction to control or avoid pain, we increase our suffering because a habit or unhelpful coping mechanism becomes entrenched. We might then have a third level of suffering to contend with—judgments, shame, or anger about how we’re coping. Turning away from pain offers temporary relief—but the return of the pain in some form or fashion is inevitable.

            But what value is there in leaning into pain and suffering? Why should we subject ourselves to that? Because no matter how long we distract, avoid, or detach, the pain and suffering that is part of human existence will remain.

            Confronting and tolerating pain builds hope.

            To do this, you have to let go of the controls. Take your hands off the steering wheel and let the pain be.

            I could not get adequate treatment for my bronchitis until I stopped resisting and trying to control it. It was only then that I could get relief in the form of medicine, rest, and—most importantly—lots and lots of sympathy. And popsicles. 

Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC is a staff therapist and the intake coordinator at The Awakening Center. In addition to seeing clients for individual therapy, she leads the weekly meditation group and DBT group. Check and subscribe out her blog “All Shapes and Sizes,” which appears on Chicago Tribune’s media partner ChicagoNow.com.

Meditation Monday: Connecting to and Accepting Suffering

By Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC 

In an effort to take the “manic” out of “Monday,” this weekly post explores techniques, issues, latest research, and other thoughts on meditation. Nancy facilitates a weekly meditation group at The Awakening Center. For more information, contact her at 773.929.6262, extension 17 or nancyhalltac@gmail.com

OK—I can hear the reaction. “I thought meditation is supposed to make me feel better! I’m trying to make this pain go away and now you’re saying I have to feel it?!” Yep. I am.

      The first noble truth of Buddhism is suffering exists. Ageing, illness, natural disasters are all part of this world that cause deep pain. But our suffering becomes greater when we resist accepting the pain—when we fail to acknowledge it or we engage one of our tools of distraction to numb or escape from it.

     Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBTS) offers four responses¹ to any problem that arises:

1.  Solve the problem by changing or leaving the situation
2. Change the emotional reaction to the situation
3.  Radically accept the situation and your reaction just as it is
4. Stay miserable—or make things worse

   The same responses can be applied to suffering. But before we can respond, we need to acknowledge that we have pain. We have to sit with our wounds—being fully present with them. We have to really examine how the wounds have affected our lives and how our neglect of them has created more suffering for ourselves or others.

      Meditation practice can help us be a witness to our own suffering. Given the emotions that might arise during this process, I recommend practicing with a group or therapist. But if you want to start on your own, select a challenging truth in your life that is creating moderate suffering.

• Bring to mind a situation or challenge that is causing you pain
• Breathe deeply and connect to where your body is holding on to that suffering
• What does it feel like? What is the experience for you?
• Observe and describe without judgment. Just the facts—“I notice my breathing becomes shallow” or “I feel a knot in my stomach.”
• Notice any urges to engage in distracting behaviors. Again, with compassion. If your mind wanders away from the suffering, that is not a sign of weakness. Reconnect to your breath and return to the image with gentleness and kindness
• As you observe the wound, offer yourself kind words, as if you were a friend sitting next to yourself: “I see you’re really hurt,” “I’m so sorry this is so hard,” “There is a lot of pain there.”
• Offer yourself compassion through touch. Place your hand on your heart, gently rub your arm—whatever feels right. These small gestures trigger the release of oxytocin in the brain, which creates comfort.
• Continue breathing and notice the waves of emotions. Notice how they rise and fall.

      If connecting to any level of pain or suffering becomes overwhelming, it’s OK to back away. Trust yourself. You don’t have to dive head first into the deepest depths of despair. It’s perfectly fine to touch the pain and then back away. This builds mastery and tolerance.

      Some resist connecting to pain because they feel underserving. “Others have it much worse,” or “There are people starving in the world. Who cares about my petty problems?” There is not a finite amount of suffering that is doled out according to your life circumstances. Acknowledging the pain of your own experience does not minimize or take away the suffering of a Syrian refugee. On the contrary. Connecting to our own suffering allows us to feel deeper empathy for others.

      I know this isn’t an easy task, so take it slow. Suffering is inextricably linked to being human. Acknowledging your suffering and then responding to it with kindness creates the space for joy and love to enter. So take some breaths and listen to your heart.

 Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC is a staff therapist and the intake coordinator at The Awakening Center. In addition to seeing clients for individual therapy, she leads the weekly meditation group and DBT group. Check and subscribe out her blog “All Shapes and Sizes,” which appears on Chicago Tribune’s media partner ChicagoNow.com.

Notes

1. Linehan, Marsha. DBT Skills Training Manual, 2nd Edition. New York: Guilford Press, 2015.

Meditation Monday: Listening

By Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC

In an effort to take the “manic” out of “Monday,” this weekly post explores techniques, issues, latest research, and other thoughts on meditation. Nancy facilitates a weekly meditation group at The Awakening Center. For more information, contact her at 773.929.6262, extension 17 or nancyhalltac@gmail.com

I’m often in awe of our problem-solving abilities. There seems to be no challenge or obstacle that we as people cannot overcome. Human beings can be tireless and able to reach amazing heights.

Doing is very important, but we need to remember to keep it in balance. In meditation, we pause to listen.

Listening is a unique activity in that it requires us to receive instead of do. To really listen to a friend or loved one, we have to stop, focus, and closely tune in. We allow the information to flow in, accepting it as it comes. A barrier to listening is often our attempts to formulate a response while the other person is still talking. Or we might be distracted by an opinion or judgment about what is being said.

We fall into this trap with ourselves as well. Meditation helps us listen to ourselves. We can listen to the surface of the body and to the interior of our experience. We listen to our breath. But we also tune in to our relationship to the information that we’re receiving.

Here’s an example. In my inner reflection and listening, I might notice that I am hungry. But I might resist this information, telling myself that I had a substantial breakfast so I shouldn’t be hungry. I might tell myself that my hunger is a sign of weakness. Or I might just tell myself that it’s time for a snack. Often our resistance or acceptance of our experience informs the emotion that is then experienced.

In the practice of meditation, we listen at different levels. We attend to the specific experience and then notice our thoughts or feelings about that experience. Think of it as the meta-commentary that runs through our minds.

By anchoring ourselves in our breath and learning to allow our experiences to simply exist, we begin to dismantle that resistance.

Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC is a staff therapist and the intake coordinator at The Awakening Center. In addition to seeing clients for individual therapy, she leads the weekly meditation group and co-leads the Somatic-Experience-Informed Trauma Healing Group. Check and subscribe out her blog “All Shapes and Sizes,” which appears on Chicago Tribune’s media partner ChicagoNow.com.

Meditation Monday: Self-Regulation

By Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC

In an effort to take the “manic” out of “Monday,” this weekly post explores techniques, issues, latest research, and other thoughts on meditation. Nancy facilitates a weekly meditation group at The Awakening Center. For more information, contact her at 773.929.6262, extension 17 or nancyhalltac@gmail.com

We’ve all had the experience in which we feel that our emotions and nervous system have minds of their own. We feel the poke of anxiety, which might trigger anxiety about anxiety. “I’m not going to feel anxious! Just calm down!” That generally never works. We cannot wrestle our emotions into submission.

Self-regulating takes a different mindset. And it starts with self-compassion. The body cannot calm itself nor can emotions be processed unless the experience is fully understood. Unfortunately, many feel shame and embarrassment over having strong emotions.

Everyone’s level of sensitivity is different, and those who feel emotions intensely are not weaker or “less together” than someone with a steadier baseline. But coping with life challenges can become tough for someone who is easily triggered.

Meditation can help build emotional regulation tools. I recently created a guided meditation that gently prompts participants into feeling low levels of anxiety followed by calming cues. The meditator has the experience of tolerating the anxiety in a safe environment and begins to track the natural ebb and flow of the emotions.

In this “Unpredictable Path” meditation, an image of a smooth, stable path is called to mind. At some point, the path becomes a bit more challenging—perhaps it becomes muddy or rocky. Nothing too treacherous; but not as relaxing as the start of the path. The meditator notices any physical responses to the change in the path—nervous stomach? Increase heartrate? Then the path settles back into its initial calm state. This cycle is repeated a few times, with the challenging portions getting a bit rougher each time but never too intense or really dangerous. Prompts to focus on breathing are given throughout.

Just imagining a slippery or steep path can elicit a physical response; and returning to the stable path brings the individual to a state of calm. And while this exercise taps into only a fraction of some real-life challenges, we can at least learn that becoming mindful and recognizing natural physical responses is normal. Shifting to a position of self-compassion allows us to see solutions that might have been obscured by our self-criticism and shame.

Self-regulation covers a wide range of responses—from taking oneself into a state of complete relaxation to preventing further escalation or arousal. Meditation offers a supportive forum to practice this important skill. So stop power-struggling with your anxiety and try a gentler approach!

Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC is a staff therapist and the intake coordinator at The Awakening Center. In addition to seeing clients for individual therapy, she leads the weekly meditation group and co-leads the Somatic-Experience-Informed Trauma Healing Group. Check and subscribe out her blog “All Shapes and Sizes,” which appears on Chicago Tribune’s media partner ChicagoNow.com.

Meditation Monday: The Candle Gaze

By Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC

In an effort to take the “manic” out of “Monday,” this weekly post explores techniques, issues, latest research, and other thoughts on meditation. Nancy facilitates a weekly meditation group at The Awakening Center. For more information, contact her at 773.929.6262, extension 17 or nancyhalltac@gmail.com

“My mind keeps wandering!” It is perfectly natural to become distracted during meditation, but often, we get discouraged and start believing we’re “doing it wrong.” Meditation can become very frustrating when the distraction is followed by self-criticism, which just leads to more distraction.

It takes time to accept our challenges with self-compassion, so in the meantime, using a technique that facilitates focusing can be helpful

The Candle Meditation technique can help build focus but also takes some practice and guidance. But the technique gives the practitioner a relief from self-critical thoughts that can be so discouraging. 

Preparation

Choose your candle carefully. A scented candle is fine as long as the fragrance is agreeable to you. Sneezing and having an itchy nose do not exactly foster relaxation and focus. You want a good-sized flame, so make sure the wick isn’t trimmed too short. Position the candle so that it is at eye level or slightly below. You want it directly in front of you so that you don’t have to turn your head.

The room should be dimly lit to avoid eyestrain; make sure the candle is placed away from breezes or drafts. You want the flame to be as still as possible. 

Meditation

Start by taking a few deep breaths to center yourself. Then allow your gaze to softly rest on the flame. Try to remain as still as possible. Allow the flame to become slightly out of focused. When your eyes become somewhat uncomfortable or begin to water a bit, close your eyes and focus on the after image. Once it fades, return your gaze to the candle. 

Contemplation

As you practice, you might notice that objects in your periphery fade away and all you are aware of is the candle. This is when you can focus your energy toward something virtuous that the candle represents. The candle can allow you to shift into a type of lovingkindness meditation: 

“May light of acceptance replace darkness of fear and hatred.”
“May light of knowledge replace darkness of ignorance.”
“May light of kindness replace darkness of selfishness.”

Follow your breath and imagine you are inhaling candle light, allowing the glow to fill the dark places in your mind and body. 

Completion

When you feel ready, allow your focus to expand to the room around you. Give yourself a few minutes to sit quietly before returning to your activities.

Experiment with this meditation, finding what works for you. See if you notice a difference when you practice other meditation techniques. Introduce music or calming sounds—try different candles. Customize your Candle Meditation and enjoy the results!

Nancy Hall, MA, NCC, LPC is a staff therapist and the intake coordinator at The Awakening Center. In addition to seeing clients for individual therapy, she leads the weekly meditation group and co-leads the Somatic-Experience-Informed Trauma Healing Group. Check and subscribe out her blog “All Shapes and Sizes,” which appears on Chicago Tribune’s media partner ChicagoNow.com.